"Pre-empting and other stories"

Hi!

I read that my "pre-empting" are actually mental compulsions which are also obsessions, too.

While that is certainly a comfort, I'm now at a loss for words. I believe that I might have entered the point of no return (spiritually), though emotionally, I'm at the most stable for three weeks with pure-O thoughts.

There are several situations that are like this: I was pre-empting (or rather, performing mental compulsions) to cancel an incoming situation/provide emotional relief, then I (or the OCD) would instantly place another word/sentence due to an urge somewhere - like snowballing - and the tendency is not to cancel only one of the two sentences, leaving the other true (sort of).

It goes like this:
For example, one of my mental compulsions or pre-empts is "I renounce Jesus not, but Satan", then somewhere in the sentence, between the renounce and Jesus, I (or the OCD) inserts a Holy SPirit word - so the end product is, I won't be able to cancel the Holy Spirit, making is sorta true, right?

Then last Sunday, tons of pre-empts flooded my mind literally - I could've sworn (if it wasn't bad) that it was more than 100 pre-empts - what dsturbed me, however, is my accidental renunciations of Jesus. For example, instead of doing the mental compulsion of thinking "I renounce Jesus not but Satan", I got it all backwards - not once, but four times, OK...

Today, I was all over it again, with maybe >200 pre-empts - again getting the names of Satan and Jesus/God backwards - thereby accidentally renouncing God - several times. I also committed the above stated - the one which I possibly began to snowball willfully (by thinking about a second word/sentence while still pre-empting the first).

Well, could God forgive my sins (or are these really sins?) based on what my obsessions had done:

1. I had obsessions saying that the Holy Spirit/God/Jesus is the enemy
2. I had obsessions saying that the Holy Spirit/God/Jesus is the false Hindu god Hare Krishna - this happend after I saw out of my car this group of Asians chanting it.
3. All other blasphemous/sacrilegious thoughts and obsessions you could possibly imagine.
4. I had obsessions cursing the Holy Spirit/God/Jesus.
5. Renunciation of God/Jesus/Holy Spirit, though all are accidental.
6. Pre-empts that were mixed up (as above).
7. Pre-empts that I forgot to place a not or to cancel.

And the thing is, I'm not even sure if my pre-empts and the others are obsessions, compulsions or MY thoughts, and I'm sometimes believing that maybe I'm starting to hate/renounce God PLUS, the above sounds better but they're really like a hundred times worse.

I know I didn't do them willfully (even the mixed up pre-empts) but I have some thoughts that maybe I've willfully renounced God .

Emotionally, I'm doing better and I believe I'm nearing deliverance and healing from OCD, though these past three days I'm having an endless stream of pre-empted thoughts (maybe obsessions or compulsions). Well, if some of you could give some reassurance (and a Bible verse) that confirms that I haven't really done the above - well, that would greatly help.

I took the Med entrance exams not really in the mood, so yes, you've guessed it right, I'm not expecting some great results (though God has blessed me in the past with achievements that I know are from Him). I would want to ask for some prayer too, if possible

I also had several blessings during these days too. Maybe God still wants me..

I can't even say if those thoughts were my will or not

Thats happened to me a lot of times.

That too.

all of the above.Everything you have said has happened to me on more than one occassion.Im serious, everything youve mentioned in your post ive been through it too and so have many others on this board.You're OK.also remember that this has only been happening to you for a few weeks so dont rush your deliverance because it may take a while to get freed.But you WILL be eventually.

God bless

Oh, Buddy!

This is so hard. The thoughts will come. That I will reassure you about. I've had some pretty intense days battling the thoughts by exposing them for what they are. Just anxious thoughts. That's all. They will fade. The sooner you can fight this on your own terms cloaked in God's armor, the sooner you will see the truth. It's difficult, but with God all things are possible.

Thanks for those who've replied. You just don't know how you've made me feel really, really better today.

God Bless

Hi!
Do you have some ways to control the mental compulsions? Its driving me nuts for three straight days already... I'm getting headaches probably because of the non-stop stream of thoughts and because of worrying if indeed THIS IS THE ONE sentence that will condemn me.... Besides, I can't even do things properly now because the urges to pre-empt (i.e., to do a mental compulsion) never leave me -and of course I pre-empt, sometimes forgetting again the nots, etc...