As for stopping a two year old's temper tantrum my wife and I try to keep them in the conversation with kid choices so they feel they are making a difference and don't get bored. Should we get this or that, both same kind of peanut butter. We gotta get bread, here would you be a big girl and hold it for mommy?
Since our children were old enough to understand it we've warned them about adults who try to steal children at the store when they are not by their mommys and daddys. This is handy when they decide to throw a tantrum. We usually just start walking off at a brisk pace and say 'see you later, I gotta get going.' When that happens the waterworks usually dry up quick and they start tagging along again.
This is handy when they decide to throw a tantrum. We usually just start walking off at a brisk pace and say 'see you later, I gotta get going.' When that happens the waterworks usually dry up quick and they start tagging along again.
My parents used this tactic on me and i have to say that it worked quite well.
That adult temper tantrum is a good idea. For my oldest daughter, 9, I told her I'd act retarded at her teacher conferences if she doesn't stop sassing. She's quite agreeable now.
Just out of curiosity, why have you looked for alternatives? Do you find that you spank for the wrong reasons? As you seem to understand, spanking is a biblically based method of dealing with willfully rebellious behavior so why would you feel the need to find an alternative to a biblically based method?
Thanks,
God bless
Well, yes, sometimes I do find myself tempted to spank them for the wrong reasons...namely my own frustration. I think it is wrong to spank them just because I lose MY temper (isn't that just an adult form of a temper tantrum?) I do agree that there are times when spanking is appropriate. Mainly rudeness and backtalk...I will not tolerate disrespect and they know that, even the 2 year old (she doesn't really talkback yet, but she knows that good manners...please, thank you, yes maam, yes sir, etc...are very important). But, the normal day to day things...arguing with her sister, getting into things...those things for me are better handled with time outs or the loss of priviledges (sp?).
Well, yes, sometimes I do find myself tempted to spank them for the wrong reasons...namely my own frustration. I think it is wrong to spank them just because I lose MY temper (isn't that just an adult form of a temper tantrum?) I do agree that there are times when spanking is appropriate. Mainly rudeness and backtalk...I will not tolerate disrespect and they know that, even the 2 year old (she doesn't really talkback yet, but she knows that good manners...please, thank you, yes maam, yes sir, etc...are very important). But, the normal day to day things...arguing with her sister, getting into things...those things for me are better handled with time outs or the loss of priviledges (sp?).
Love, Heather
I agree with you here. I do sometimes spank my child, but when I am angry I give her a time out. I never want to spank her when I am angry. I would never intentionally do anything to hurt her, and I simply eliminate the chance by not spanking when I am angry.
Since our children were old enough to understand it we've warned them about adults who try to steal children at the store when they are not by their mommys and daddys. This is handy when they decide to throw a tantrum. We usually just start walking off at a brisk pace and say 'see you later, I gotta get going.' When that happens the waterworks usually dry up quick and they start tagging along again.
You control your child's misbehavior by scaring them into thinking there's a possibility they'll be kidnapped???!!!
Did I misunderstand you?
__________________ "Apart from an acknowledgment of God's absolute, all encompassing sovereignty, there can be no true thanksgiving, praise, or childlike dependence upon Him. What a gracious thing that He has opened our eyes to behold with wonder His works. As John the Baptist said, a man can receive nothing except it be given him from heaven. How gracious He has been to us!" - One of my beloved brothers in the Lord Jesus
Well, yes, sometimes I do find myself tempted to spank them for the wrong reasons...namely my own frustration. I think it is wrong to spank them just because I lose MY temper (isn't that just an adult form of a temper tantrum?) I do agree that there are times when spanking is appropriate. Mainly rudeness and backtalk...I will not tolerate disrespect and they know that, even the 2 year old (she doesn't really talkback yet, but she knows that good manners...please, thank you, yes maam, yes sir, etc...are very important). But, the normal day to day things...arguing with her sister, getting into things...those things for me are better handled with time outs or the loss of priviledges (sp?).
Love, Heather
I absolutely agree and I think that sounds like a great way to deal with it. If I may (I say this because most people get very defensive if they feel they are being told how to raise their children), as they get older you might want to recognize that willful rebellion, the only biblically supported spanking offense, is not always so easy to recognize as blatant, outward defiance. The good rule of thumb (not that you can't ever extend grace) for determining the willfulness of a child's rebellion is to first determine if the standard, expected level of compliance has been learned. It would be wrong for me to spank my children for doing something they didn't know was wrong. However, children learn quite quickly what is acceptable and what is not. I sometimes catch my son doing something that he knows he isn't supposed to be doing. The reason I know is because the minute I catch him he tries to stop doing it without bringing attention to himself. For instance, he knows not to open the entertainment unit doors and mess with the stuff inside. If I leave the room and come back in and see him in there he will look at me with a shocked look in his eyes and immediately close the door as if it's a boiling pot of water. He knows he was doing something he has been told not to do. That is a spanking offense. I didn't spank him the first time he did it. I didn't start spanking him for it until I knew that he understood that he should not do it.
Anyway, my point is, willful disobedience comes in many forms. A child who ignores their parents rules is being willfully defiant. If I tell my daughter, she's six, to go clean up her toys and when I go back to check on her progress she's sitting there playing with them she gets a spanking because she was openly disobeying me. Granted, she was being very passive about it. She didn't tell me no. My oldest son, he's seven, is famous for this. My wife will tell him it's time to come inside. He'll say, "Yes ma'am" and then he'll take his sweet, easy time coming in. That is a spanking offense. He was being very passive, saying what my wife wanted to hear, but openly defying her by disregarding her command to come inside.
Just some food for thought.
God bless
__________________ "Apart from an acknowledgment of God's absolute, all encompassing sovereignty, there can be no true thanksgiving, praise, or childlike dependence upon Him. What a gracious thing that He has opened our eyes to behold with wonder His works. As John the Baptist said, a man can receive nothing except it be given him from heaven. How gracious He has been to us!" - One of my beloved brothers in the Lord Jesus
I agree with you here. I do sometimes spank my child, but when I am angry I give her a time out. I never want to spank her when I am angry. I would never intentionally do anything to hurt her, and I simply eliminate the chance by not spanking when I am angry.
That is a great rule to follow water_ripple. One thing that I have started trying to do more often is apologize to my children when I break the rules. It helps them understand that I make mistakes just like they do and it's important for us, as parents, to set the proper godly example for dealing with making a mistake.
God bless
__________________ "Apart from an acknowledgment of God's absolute, all encompassing sovereignty, there can be no true thanksgiving, praise, or childlike dependence upon Him. What a gracious thing that He has opened our eyes to behold with wonder His works. As John the Baptist said, a man can receive nothing except it be given him from heaven. How gracious He has been to us!" - One of my beloved brothers in the Lord Jesus
That is a great rule to follow water_ripple. One thing that I have started trying to do more often is apologize to my children when I break the rules. It helps them understand that I make mistakes just like they do and it's important for us, as parents, to set the proper godly example for dealing with making a mistake.
God bless
Reformationist, you are so right about apologizing to our kids when we make mistakes. This is something that I've made a conscious effort to do...when I do lose my temper and shout at them, or when I make a mistake and punish them before I understand the situation (blaming one when it might have been the fault of the other), etc. It's important that they know that we're not perfect just because we're grown. We should set an example that when we do something wrong we should admit it and then ask for forgiveness. I've seen the way this has helped my girls, especially my 4 year old. Now, more often than not, when she does get punished, she will come to me or her Daddy and say "I'm sorry." This just really amazes me because I was one of those moms that would MAKE her apologize to her sister, or MAKE her apologize to me or her daddy, and now, it's sincere and she does it on her own. Also, it's really been a lesson to me...and I've had to realize that just because I'm bigger than her and I'm her mom, that doesn't make me any less accountable when I do make a mistake. This doesn't mean that we're any less strict about the rules and the consequences, but it does show the kids that we respect them too.
Reformationist, you are so right about apologizing to our kids when we make mistakes. This is something that I've made a conscious effort to do...when I do lose my temper and shout at them, or when I make a mistake and punish them before I understand the situation (blaming one when it might have been the fault of the other), etc. It's important that they know that we're not perfect just because we're grown. We should set an example that when we do something wrong we should admit it and then ask for forgiveness. I've seen the way this has helped my girls, especially my 4 year old. Now, more often than not, when she does get punished, she will come to me or her Daddy and say "I'm sorry." This just really amazes me because I was one of those moms that would MAKE her apologize to her sister, or MAKE her apologize to me or her daddy, and now, it's sincere and she does it on her own. Also, it's really been a lesson to me...and I've had to realize that just because I'm bigger than her and I'm her mom, that doesn't make me any less accountable when I do make a mistake. This doesn't mean that we're any less strict about the rules and the consequences, but it does show the kids that we respect them too.
Love, Heather
I totaly agree with you and Reformationist. Not only does this promote feelings to seek forgiveness, but also sets the example. It reinforces the idea that all people do make mistakes, and how important it is to try and not hurt others. This is also IMO a good early lesson to teach to children on the spiritual walk with Christ. As parents it is our job to set the example just as we are to follow the example of Jesus in our walk with God.
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