Are you still friends...

This is an interesting one. I think each situation is different. I encourage my ex in his relationship with our children. It is very strained though because of the way they feel about what he did and is still doing. We are able to talk and work out what is best for the children and keep things workable for them.

We are civil and amicable but I don't know if we will ever be 'friends'. He betrayed me, lied to me and was quite cruel in the way he treated me. Friends don't treat each other that way so while I have forgiven him and can be civil, I really only see him as the father of my children and as an acquaintance I have to deal with because of them.
I don't think I could ever be friends with him and his current partner as a couple. She is the one he left me for and she was very active in the breakup. I have prayed for them and forgiven them but I don't want to be friends with them and I don't think God requires that of me.
I think if this relationship broke up and he was to meet someone else I would find it easier to have some kind of relationship with her.
I also think that for me to be able to be more than an aquaintance with my ex, he would need to be honest with me about what happened and confess the truth. Otherwise he is still untrustworthy as far as I'm concerned and therefore not eligible as a friend.
Having said that, I sense God is helping me to be able to face my ex and his girlfriend so maybe I will have something different to say in the future.

Originally Posted by PerkyCurlz

If my ex ever comes back into my life, I will take out yet another restraining order against him. I don't think I could ever be friends with someone who pinned me to a bed, put a gun to my head and threatened to kill me....

Oh my goodness.
I know a couple women, including one currently, who is having her life threatened by a husband or ex.
So many of these men end up in a position (of their own doing most of the time) where they have nothing left to 'lose'....or so they think, and the womans life is really in danger.

Hopefully you are in a safe place now in your life....

Originally Posted by novi12

Forgive ur enemies and forgiving ur spouse is the best thing as once u loved ur spouse. So no hatredness just love and care Amen

When someone molests your children, we'll see how quickly YOU are forgiving them and letting them babysit again...

Its easy for someone who hasnt been beaten and raped by a husband to sit there smuggly preaching forgiveness...

I hardly had a 'normal' marriage. We got married and after the honeymoon which we spent at my parents house...(grrr still mad at that-he was too cheap to spring for a hotel room) he told me that I wasn't to live with him and that I had to find other living arrangements. Then a few weeks later, after abandoning me, he calls me up saying that he wants a divorce--for absolutely NO reason. Sorry but I can't be friends with him. He treated me horrible during the short while we were together--It's his loss..not mine.

How odd,

My soon to be ex expressed that she wanted to be friends "after this is all over" twice during my mess of a year leading to the divorce. I believe I have been the best friend for the longest time in her life.

However I don't see how that would ever work. I know about her unresolved issues that she won't talk about. Our relationship is courteous at this point. I doubt it will ever be more than that. Kind of hard being much of a friend to a person that you can only talk kids & work with and all other subjects are off limits.

I have forgiven my ex-wife, and I wish her the best, but I believe that if it were possible for us to be "friends" there would have been no reason for us to divorce in the first place. She and I never had any children, so there is no reason for us to have any communication with each other. Perhaps this is one of the reasons that "friendship" strikes me as such an unlikely and unbeneficial possibility. Interestingly, I know of at least three members of my church who have invited their exes to the church. There is a family in my youth group in which the mother and step-father have been attending the church for several years. One of the daughters invited her father to come to church, and now he has been attending with his girlfriend for about a year now and is inquiring into membership. I can't help thinking about how bizarre that must be for the mother, but she seems to be cool with it, so I guess it is just proof that, even despite divorce and remarriage, such a relationship can endure as a friendship of sorts.

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Originally Posted by Dies3l

I have forgiven my ex-wife, and I wish her the best, but I believe that if it were possible for us to be "friends" there would have been no reason for us to divorce in the first place. .

Thats a really good point.
Im not 'friends' per se, with my exs, but we do get along in that we can be in the same room and talk with civility, and I do worry about their eternal situation.

Forgiveness isnt the issue. We can forgive a rapist and never allow them to harm us again.

I agree with your point entirely. If my ex and I could have come to the point of being friends, then theres no way we'd ever have divorced.

Its not been a long time for me since my divorce. I have no problem hanging around with my ex, but I've not got the impression she is that interested in being freinds with me. I find that a sad.

dayhiker

I pray that I will never see or hear from my ex-husband again. I have taken steps to make it difficult for him to find me unless he pays a private investigator.

I run into my x and it really brings back bad thoughts. He is/was a preverted man and very abusive. I have been divorced many many years now, but the fear of him still bothers me. I forgive, but I'm still fearful of him. So NO I don't want to be friends..