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  #11  
Unread 4th March 2007, 04:02 PM
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He walked out on the mass which should have been a big clue to her right then and there...what an offensive thing to do to her and YOU, her friend. He doesn't respect Catholics and he will only voice his resentment of them further along within the marriage. She will not be happy with this type of guy for a husband.

I'd definitely speak with her about this. There's a big reason that she's coming to you in distress...she wants someone to help her through this and give her guidance. She's scared and feeling lonely but that's no reason to marry someone who doesn't even respect what she believes...that will be an even lonelier marriage
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  #12  
Unread 4th March 2007, 04:13 PM
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Originally Posted by mina View Post
hmmm well i don't think it's all his fault from what you have posted. It sounds like she wants him to join her church or else b/c she thinks her relgious convictions are right and his are wrong, also. Marriage is about compromise. They both have to be willing to come up with a solution or else it will not work and there will be many problems. If they are not willing and committed to each other and finding a common ground, they definitely should not get married.
She has never asked him to become Catholic. She would just like for him to come to mass with her once in a while. Is that so unreasonable??? He's only been to mass once in the 4.5 years they've been together. He even left our wedding mass about 1/3 of the way through. What wil he do when someone in our family dies? Refuse to go to their funeral because it will be a funeral mass??? If he won't show support for the family for a wedding, will he be there in times of crisis?
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  #13  
Unread 4th March 2007, 04:22 PM
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thanks for clearing it up. I thought that it seemed she was from your original post. They need to communicate about it. Like I said before if they can't reach some sort of agreement they are going to have lots of problems. What attracted them to each other in the first place? did they not take into consideration their different beliefs when they begin dating or when it became serious?
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  #14  
Unread 4th March 2007, 05:26 PM
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It really depends on the people involved, and he sounds like he needs to take a more mature approach to this. I'd love for the two of them to find happiness as my parents did - my dad was Catholic, my mom was not. He was well on the way to being Protestant anyway, if not there completely. To make a long story short, they married, he became officially Protestant, and our family gets along fine with my dad's side of the family which is still Catholic. We'll even go to dinners that the Catholic church puts on with them, and he was with us when we went to see our cousins get baptized and receive first communion. Family is family first with us, as is a wedding and a funeral. It's a wedding and a funeral first, and the fact that it's Catholic is second - even though he won't go to a Sunday mass unless there's a family thing like that going on. This is really the way it ought to be done - religious solidarity in the immediate family, love for the extended family that transcends doctrinal differences.
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  #15  
Unread 4th March 2007, 05:38 PM
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Originally Posted by PerkyCurlz View Post
Please don't call him names. He's not a jerk, just convicted that his religious views are right and hers are wrong.
It was not my intent to be offensive. I'm sorry.

It just seems that he is not willing to flex, adjust or try anything in order to make this work. How can he respect her and her religious views when it is anathama for him to sit quietly through mass? What will he tell their children about their mother's religious views?
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  #16  
Unread 4th March 2007, 06:18 PM
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Something we can laugh about on the topic -

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  #17  
Unread 4th March 2007, 07:28 PM
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Originally Posted by PerkyCurlz View Post
I have a family member who is Catholic. She has been dating a man who is an evangelical-type protestant. Two years ago, they almost broke up because of the differences in their faiths (mainly, he isn't comfortable at all with going to a Catholic church with her). As a matter of fact, he left during the first part of our wedding mass because he didn't want to have any part of a Catholic mass.

A couple of months ago, they announced their engagement. She's recently called and emailed me in distress. She is miserable because she feels that she has to give up being Catholic just so she can marry this man. She's 35 and terrified that she will never find another man, that she will never get married and never have children. This seems to scare her more than giving up her faith.

She has asked me my opinion as to what she should do. My first, "gut" reaction is that she shouldn't even marry this man because the religious differences will end up causing too much conflict in their marriage. My next (and very Catholic) response is that she shouldn't give up her religious beliefs for anyone - not even her soon to be husband. If she insists on marrying him, he needs to accept her Catholic faith and learn to deal with it. I feel that if she marries him, she needs to continue going to mass and practicing her Catholic faith and insist that the children be raised Catholic (as we Catholics are encouraged to do - again, this isnt' up for debate here).

My main concerns are that she is giving up Jesus in the Eucharist (that is our belief, please don't knock it as this is not up for debate in this thread), that any children won't be allowed to be baptised as infants (another of our beliefs and also not up for debate here), and that he won't be there for the funeral masses when our family members die.



My question is:
Since she keeps calling me in distress, should I voice my concerns to her before she gets married, or should I keep my mouth shut and let her live her own life, no matter how much pain it's causing her?
You should talk to her before they marry.
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