A Dating Dilema

Basically like I said before - if the missions trip has a no-dating policy - I think that is a good thing. The reason why I say that is because with that factor not there - you can concentrate on God's work and plans for that period for time. Normally, this is in place regarding people on missions should not date each other - this helps and is a very sensible idea. It does not mean that if you were already dating, you should break up! But it does mean that it would mean that you should spend more time apart. That time apart will be a time when you can build into the person - man or woman of God that He intended you to be and a better husband/wife in the future!

My friend is moving back to America with his family next month and he will be attending a Christian boarding school. They have just revised their rules and one of the changes made is that students are not allowed to listen to music. At first the rule stated that they could only listen to music that was not against God, now students cannot listen to personal music whatsoever. My friend is really freaked out by this. He is in a band, and part of his life is music. He has already signed the contract to attend this school and it is one of the best schools in his state. So what should he do?

You know, over the weekend, I met a couple who had met on the mission field, dated and got married even though their mission board had a rule against it. They said they wished they had followed the rules for a couple reasons: 1. On the mission field, you feel lonely and homesick at first, and you want to fill that with a special relationship, but because there aren't that many eligible people, you might take the first guy/girl that comes along, or choose someone else who would otherwise be less than ideal for you. 2. They spent so much time and energy on dating and falling in love that they didn't give the right amount of attention to the actual work of the mission, and fell short of their goals. 3. It gave the youth group that they worked with the inappropriate idea that dating is the point of going off to missions. The wife said one of her biggest discussions was with the girls thinking that she had come to the mission to find a husband, and not to serve them and God.

They both said that although they love each other and are committed to the marriage, under other circumstances, they would not have chosen each other as life partners because they just don't really have the same joys and goals. He went to the mission field as a gap year between college and graduate school, but she had intended to stay on the mission field for life. They are having trouble reconciling those two things. Also, her personality is bubbly and gregarious, but his is studious and interspective. She likes to socialize and he likes to stay home. If they had not been isolated on the mission field, they would have cared a lot more about that. She also said that he was a lot more attractive to her when he was living solely for God than when they came home and he was living solely for work. The mission field was just not the right place to really learn about how someone will be in real life.

So, advice from people who had been there. Take it for whatever you think it's worth.

Petition the rule change. Work quietly within the "chain of command" as it were to effect a rescindance of the rule. Don't get loud; work with the people to understand the reason for the rule and negotiate a solution.

If all fails, maybe it's best to not attend the school. It's not the end of one's life to not attend. There are other schools.

Above all, don't get loud. Grandstanding and posturing only hurt relationships and aren't the greatest way to honor God.

Oh, and I also think they don't have a theological leg to stand on; this does sound pretty extreme. But don't get loud. Get my point?

There is a huge difference between this couples situation and mine though. This guy is not going to be on the field with me, and we will only be writing letters and talking on the phone.
We have also already talked a lot about the things we want from life, our goals and dreams, and we have discussed our personalities and what we like to do for fun........and we agree. There are some differences yes, but nothing major. We are not together now, so we aren't distracted by physical attraction or even loneliness.......that doesn't apply to us. However, I understand your warning. I just don't think that particular one applies to me.