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  #1  
Unread 28th November 2006, 03:50 AM
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Why is fornication bad?

This was kinda asked in annother thread but I think the thread was poorly worded and it went off-topic in a big hurry.

I have had pre-marital sex with my fiance (and with other girlfriends who I wasnt engaged to when we were dating). This was done consentingly and with precautions taken to avoid disease transmission and pregnancy.

So explain to me why fornication is wrong or bad if its done safely. And please keep this thread on topic, I really would like some answers.
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  #2  
Unread 28th November 2006, 04:47 AM
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Well, from a Christian perspective, sex is a gift that should only be opened on the wedding night. Christians have alot of reasons why pre-marital sex is bad (i.e., you could get pregnant, you could get an STD, you're being used, it isn't for procreation, etc.) but these are simply fabricated or exagerrated claims to add to the only Biblical reason. There is only one reason why the Bible says to not engage in fornication - because God says so. Christians tend to add more to the list of reasons, but those are merely speculation and opinion. It makes it more believable than simply saying, "well, because God says so".

This is the way I see it. Coming from a woman who was sexually promiscuous for several years and a woman who lived with her husband prior to wedlock - I can say that there must be balance. Sexual promiscuity, in my opinion, is a form of emotional and physical bondage. I used to think that being sexually active with many different partners was liberating. In truth, I was betraying my feminist beliefs and had enslaved myself as an outlet for men's sex drives. I sacrificed my integrity and my self-esteem because I was under the delusion that if I had sex with alot of guys on the first date, I would keep them interested in me long enough to find the right man for me. Problem with that was, they didn't stick around long enough for me to get to know them and they weren't interested in getting to know me out from underneath the bedcovers. In that respect, what I call "serial-fornication", is not healthy emotionally or physically.

Now, with my husband I held out on him for a year and a half. Being a man :p he wanted to have sex with me, but he respected me enough to honor my request that we wait and cared about me enough to keep coming around not to get in my pants, but to get to know me. We didn't have sex until he declared his love for me and we made a serious commitment that would ultimately lead to marriage.

I want to remind those who claim that you have to sleep with alot of people to be good in bed that everyone is different. Just because I may have slept with a guy who liked his ears licked doesn't mean my husband likes it (which, for the record, he does not because he's ticklish). Being good in bed is something that two people, committed to their intimacy, work to achieve together. It's not about who can bring what skills to the bedroom. It's not like if Susie has been with eight guys and Ted's been with twenty women that having twenty-eight prior sexual partners between the two of them means they are going to be immediately good at sexually pleasing one another.

I would like to add here that there is a big difference between sexual skills and sex drive. I do think it's important to know what level of sex drive your spouse-to-be has. I know as the go through the years, sex drive changes, but it's horrible when one spouse wants sex all the time and the other would be satisfied with a once a month thing. Sex drive is not something that can usually be altered (unless someone's sex drive wanes due to mental or physical illness). Sexual skills can always be learned.
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  #3  
Unread 28th November 2006, 05:00 AM
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It's not. As long as you are responsible there's nothing wrong with it.
  #4  
Unread 28th November 2006, 09:41 AM
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Originally Posted by KatAutumn View Post

Well, from a Christian perspective, sex is a gift that should only be opened on the wedding night. Christians have alot of reasons why pre-marital sex is bad (i.e., you could get pregnant, you could get an STD, you're being used, it isn't for procreation, etc.) but these are simply fabricated or exagerrated claims to add to the only Biblical reason. There is only one reason why the Bible says to not engage in fornication - because God says so. Christians tend to add more to the list of reasons, but those are merely speculation and opinion. It makes it more believable than simply saying, "well, because God says so".
Absolutely. Anytime I ask why it has to be this way, i.e. what problem is god trying to solve, they can never come up with a real reason, just gibberish about "god's plan".
  #5  
Unread 28th November 2006, 10:14 AM
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I believe as long as you take the precautions to ensure safety from any disease and pregnancy (if that is not wanted at this time) then I don't have a problem with fornication. I really don't have a problem with fornication anyway. I had pre-marital sex and I don't regret it. Neither does my husband. I guess its all about your POV.
  #6  
Unread 28th November 2006, 10:18 AM
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Originally Posted by KatAutumn View Post
Well, from a Christian perspective, sex is a gift that should only be opened on the wedding night. Christians have alot of reasons why pre-marital sex is bad (i.e., you could get pregnant, you could get an STD, you're being used, it isn't for procreation, etc.) but these are simply fabricated or exagerrated claims to add to the only Biblical reason. There is only one reason why the Bible says to not engage in fornication - because God says so. Christians tend to add more to the list of reasons, but those are merely speculation and opinion. It makes it more believable than simply saying, "well, because God says so".

This is the way I see it. Coming from a woman who was sexually promiscuous for several years and a woman who lived with her husband prior to wedlock - I can say that there must be balance. Sexual promiscuity, in my opinion, is a form of emotional and physical bondage. I used to think that being sexually active with many different partners was liberating. In truth, I was betraying my feminist beliefs and had enslaved myself as an outlet for men's sex drives. I sacrificed my integrity and my self-esteem because I was under the delusion that if I had sex with alot of guys on the first date, I would keep them interested in me long enough to find the right man for me. Problem with that was, they didn't stick around long enough for me to get to know them and they weren't interested in getting to know me out from underneath the bedcovers. In that respect, what I call "serial-fornication", is not healthy emotionally or physically.

Now, with my husband I held out on him for a year and a half. Being a man :p he wanted to have sex with me, but he respected me enough to honor my request that we wait and cared about me enough to keep coming around not to get in my pants, but to get to know me. We didn't have sex until he declared his love for me and we made a serious commitment that would ultimately lead to marriage.

I want to remind those who claim that you have to sleep with alot of people to be good in bed that everyone is different. Just because I may have slept with a guy who liked his ears licked doesn't mean my husband likes it (which, for the record, he does not because he's ticklish). Being good in bed is something that two people, committed to their intimacy, work to achieve together. It's not about who can bring what skills to the bedroom. It's not like if Susie has been with eight guys and Ted's been with twenty women that having twenty-eight prior sexual partners between the two of them means they are going to be immediately good at sexually pleasing one another.

I would like to add here that there is a big difference between sexual skills and sex drive. I do think it's important to know what level of sex drive your spouse-to-be has. I know as the go through the years, sex drive changes, but it's horrible when one spouse wants sex all the time and the other would be satisfied with a once a month thing. Sex drive is not something that can usually be altered (unless someone's sex drive wanes due to mental or physical illness). Sexual skills can always be learned.
Darn your good! As a conservative Christian, I couldn't have said it better.

Regarding "because God says so". Hey - that's a pretty good reason. Put yourself in a Christian's shoes for a moment. The creator and sustainer of the universe, the all knowing, all powerful, pure and good God says "don't have sex outside of marriage". You gonna argue with that? I certainly am not going to.

On a more serious note, it does go a little deeper than "God said so". As faster_JR sarcastically notes, we do look to see what God's plan is. KA stated we view sex as a gift not to be opened until the wedding night. The key is the gift part. We believe God created sex for a specific purpose: to foster the "oneness" that marriage demands. Marriage is hard enough as it is. We think God made sex as a uniquely marital bonding activity. But Satan has coopted the benefits that sex brings (physical, emotional, relational). The result is rampant sexual activity outside of marriage. The benefits still exist, but they are not being used as God planned. In a sense, and I think you will see that in the many posts out there, it dilutes the effectiveness of sex within marriage. It is no longer a uniquely marital thing and therefore brings nothing "special" to the marriage.
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Last edited by gengwall; 28th November 2006 at 11:31 AM.
  #7  
Unread 28th November 2006, 10:23 AM
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BTW - I don't think the other thread was poorly worded. It just seems to me that people have a lot more on their mind than simply wanting to discuss the specific issue of why the church is against premarital sex. It may be that this thread will more appropriately allow people to share those views. Primarily, and correct me if I am wrong, the non-religious reasons to abstain can be discussed here.
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  #8  
Unread 28th November 2006, 10:24 AM
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Unread 28th November 2006, 10:29 AM
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What does love and devotion have to do with how many people you have slept with?

I thought it was more important to give your love, heart, and soul as a gift to your significant other--
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Unread 28th November 2006, 10:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Mrs.Sidhe View Post
What does love and devotion have to do with how many people you have slept with?

I thought it was more important to give your love, heart, and soul as a gift to your significant other--
And how do you do that when you've been saying such things to so many for so long? True love is not some CHEAP gift , though many seem to treat it that way. The divorce rate seems proof of that. I could never marry a girl who thinks as you do in this matter.... I would always imagine that I was being measured up against someone else.

Last edited by LittleNipper; 28th November 2006 at 12:22 PM.
 


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