Does anyone struggle with church depression?

Hi
Does anyone struggle with church? i have been a member of one for a good 10 years or so. i met my husband there. ive not managed to find many friends at all. tried to make effort with people but fed up with it. i had one whole month recently where i wasnt seeing anyone i felt really lonely. though God has restored one friendship back to me, praise God though not in the same church.i am a member of a cell group but sometimes you just feel quite out of it.everybodys got their own friends. i have had spells of going in and out of church and walking out half way through. sometimes i feel worse for going and you feel guilty for not going though sometimes i cant cope with it. my husband does well and goes up to people and chats, i just find it so hard. i do get depressed at times its just hard!!...please help?!!!

Some people just find it hard to go up to someone and start a conversation. I'm like that myself more than I'd like to admit. The thing about people in church is, most of the time they act like everyone else. They have their own group of friends, they do things wrong and make mistakes like everyone else. They're not perfect because they're in church, they're in church because
they're not perfect. That's why Christ came. I think sometimes we get things backwards. Don't let people cause you to feel out of place, because you're not.
We should take more of an inventory of how we act as christians, even to other christians.
Chuck.

__________________
Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.

Hi Jo1!

I've been a member of my current church for over 13 years now. And still, I have a hard time reaching out to others (especially new people). It has taken such a long, long time to feel comfortable just sharing anything with others at the church.

Over time, however, I've learned that there are more people like me than I would ever have guessed. So many others are suffering from depression as well and find it difficult to make a connection.

In a way, this "disconnection" brought us closer to one another. (Sort of like it does here--we are under the same Depression Umbrella.)

Take a look around the next time you are in church. Look to see who else is feeling a little uncomfortable. Maybe you can make a connection there.

If nothing else, at least it will give you something to focus on this week!

Blessings,
~Witness

I, too, have struggled with church-related depression at times. Today it was particularly strong. I found myself agitated and uncomfortable because I am stressed out due to what I think is someone else's controlling nature. (In this case it's the pastor's wife, "L." - she leads worship and I'm the keyboardist, and I have so little creative direction for what we do that I am frustrated and depressed.)

I think sometimes depression is an emotional "indicator" that should show us that something needs care, like the oil light coming on in your car.

I need to prayer for L. and ask God to change my attitude toward her, and then consider carefully if some kind of confrontation would be appropriate. That's a strong word, so I don't want to attack her, just seek some kind of creative compromise, so that my being part of the Team is re-emphasized. That's what makes me depressed, not really being part of the team.

I had a time when, like you, I was very depressed about my lack of friendships at church. I kept crying out to God about my loneliness, and finally He directed me to the Proverb, "The man who has friends must himself be friendly." He pointed out that I needed to be the friend I was looking for. I started seeking out the lonely guys at church, and over time, we became the more central parts of our body. By the time I got married I was a key leader in our singles group, and counted many men as good friends. Most had previously been fellow outcasts like me.

I think the big trap with depression is to focus on curing the depression, which is like focusing on getting the oil lamp to turn off in the dashboard, instead of fixing the thing causing the lamp to come on.

i know what your talking about going to church feels like a chore for me so i havnt gone for the last year probably for different reasons than you though.your not alone ,i have no answers only compatriotship

Yes, I have definitely felt like you...

And sometimes, it's worse because these are the people that are supposed to be the most accepting....and when they are not, then it really hits me hard. I find that if a church is cold, or if the people really aren't my type, then I move churches and try to find a new one. The one I go to right now is really good and I've gotten to know a lot of people because they are really friendly and outgoing. Maybe it's the church you go to, I don't know. I know that moving may be out of the question because you've been going for so long, but I just want to let you know there are alternatives out there and sometimes a new beginning and different people is exactly what you need.

go back to the really reason your there. your there to worship god. and hell bring the right friends o you.

Hi, many thanks for all your comments.
its interesting to hear the scripture in proverbs about being friendly yourself and for looking for people to be a friend to. i havent heard that one before. i suppose its like giving out and you will be given thing. thanks that does help.i think it is hard cos we expect people in church christians in generall to be loving and not unfriendly. i just feel that people have judged me in the past when i havent been. but i just honestly couldnt cope with it. sometimes it has helped when ive been down and other times it hasnt and made me feel worse. i have a friend who im not in contact with now who hasnt been to church really regular for a long time. she is a busy lady with 4 children. but do you know what in the periods of time i have known her she has a wonderful relationship with Jesus and has helped me so much. i just loved her walk with the Lord. she was a real blessing to me and is a real friend and a dear sister. she made me feel like i was part of her family and that was really important to me. i need that. it was her relationship with God that stood out to me not for the fact she was not going to church. but she was making that effort every day to grow in the Lord. she just loved me. i miss her a lot. she has split up with her husband whos not a christian and living in a different town now. i had to cope with the pain of her not wanting to see me because she didnt want to hurt me because of what she was going through. anyway lots of love to you all

Yeah I have too. I left the church I was in 4 years ago for a lot of reasons. The catalyst for it was just that I couldnt stand being in a church institution that wanted to build an empire and tried to control and manipulate and they constricted grace to do so. So much pressure!It was all about show not about the heart. But that would be another post.

I went through the whole disconnection with people too and used to walk out all the time, I just couldnt stomach being in there. It really is ok, I used to feel so guilty like I was letting God down or something. It took so many years to realise that it was ok, I had some issues that I needed to sort out and God is ok with that. The institution that is church is not our saviour. God is always with you no matter what. It took me a while to learn that I am allowed to include God in everything whether I am doing the right thing or not. Grace is so much bigger than we are lead to believe at times.

I have a few really close friends who pray for me, we get together and have coffee and talk about life and where we are at. We can go to each other and say this week I just wanted to die, we laugh we cry we have that being there with each other and God is included in it. God is there with us!

I know its hard and it took me alot of years to find those friends, they barely judge me, they really love me and I really love them. That is church to me. We encourage each other actually only 2 of those friends goes to church regulary. I would much rather go to the pub and have a pint and chat with them than go to a building once a week.

After saying that, there is that element I miss about church. The whole congregation worship thing. Although most of the time it just frustrates me because for some reason alot of worship leaders feel the need for the team to look the part than actually connect with God themselves. (yet another post). There is just something about being there all together, broken and vulnerable, we are all equally sinners, we all need the grace of God, and we can all go freely into the throneroom because of Jesus...... as we are.........happy, broken, sad, numb, whatever, we can come as we are and he will meet us where we are at.

Now if only that could spill out into everything else.

I pray that you will come across people who you can connect with and who genuinely live by the grace of God. Who will accept you as you are and who you can accept them for as they are. For the support you need in this life. For the peace of God knowing he loves you as you are too and its ok to sort through things. For that stillness in knowing that God is God and you are His child.

cheers

It's Proverbs 18:24.