murder victim survivors?

My son was murdered in October 2001 (the fifth year anniversary is coming up on the 26th). My EX (who is now in prison for 20 years) beat and shook him to death.

I have tried to forgive my ex, but honestly I can't. I have gotten to the point where I wish no ill will towards him, but if he died in prison I wouldn't really feel bad if I heard about it.

My pain has lessened because of time and coming to grips with what happened. Not through any attempt to forgiveness. If you can forgive the murderer, more power to you. But I do not feel its necessary. I think God will forgive you (and me) for not being able really to forgive, and I think if He can forgive a murderer (and I do) I think He can forgive the victim for not being able to forgive. We're humans, and not perfect.

I would suggest a site where you can talk about this with other murder victim survivors.

www.pomc.com

They have an online forum you can register and talk to other people.

I hope this helps.

((((((Mrs. Sidhe)))))) God bless you. My heart just aches to hear such stories. I know the 5-yr. anniversary is tough to swallow. They all are, though. Someone on murdervictims.com reminded me one time that on the cross, Jesus asked His Father to forgive those who were murdering Him. He never directly said to the people, I forgive you. He said, Father forgive them for they know not what they do. Everyone preaches and preaches forgiveness, especially in church. But, I keep remembering what Jesus said on the cross. I know the Bible says we must forgive for our own sakes also. That's why it gets so confusing I guess. I, like you, no longer wish any ill will for this man. I think I have forgiven him the best that I can. If they told me he were to be paroled tomorrow, I'd be furious. I have no love for him. I don't want him out so he can kill again. I don't think God would think that is wrong. He doesn't want murderers to be free. He is a God of justice and mercy. Anyway, it stays confusing and hard for me. I'm so sorry to hear about your precious little one. I cannot imagine. I've seen my mother-in-law through this horrible thing, and that's hard enough. She'll never be the same again, and her son was an adult. I will be in prayer for you.

I never expernice it, and I hope I never will. But I'm so sorry about your lost.

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Live. Laugh. Love.
~Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.~

And for God's comfort for your heart, mind, and soul. Amen. In Jesus Name.

Hugs hun.. I can't say I've been there or even know someone who's been murdered, but I do realise that it's so difficult what you are going through.

Just because it's been 5 years doesn't mean the pain's going to be gone. It sounds like your journey to forgiveness is going well, and you are doing what you can. I'm praying for you.

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Hi Sis,
I am a newbie here...just joined today.
I am a POMC (Parent Of A Murdered Child).
You and your beautiful children will be in my prayers!
In His Love,
WallabyMom

You're a member of POMC? I was but I haven't had money to renew my membership untill now, and with my new daughter (well she was born in December--so not too new) I just haven't had time.

Do you have a POMC group in your state to go to? I think the Georgia group is defunct. I was a fairly frequent posted in the POMC forum, but like I said--just haven't had time since my daughter got here.

Its normal to be upset about it the first set is actually forgiving it was hard for me when l was raped. I still haven't he took my innocence away and made me do things to him he drugged me. I was trying to get him off me l was too weak and l told him to stop l remembered. He wouldn't finally he did and took me home. Hoping l would forget the next day. I still can't forgive him l always act like l'm ok but l'm not l just don't like sharing with people. Then l found out he was trying to church to prove himself l freaked out. I don't trust him l know he will never be a christian. And another thing is he got killed in jail for laughing for raping me people don't put with out in jail and he got killed from someone in jail. I kinda feel sad and bad so l know where your coming from thanks for sharing this story.
God bless

*cringe* My wife and our eight children were all murdered. I feel for you. It's been almost a year and it still feels like I'm completely broken inside. This is one wound that time does not heal at all, in any way, shape, or form...

I think what I boiled it down to was ...I came so close to taking the path of anger and vengeance and destruction...that I startled myself and of course...looking on at my Baby Boy just continuing on and bouncing his little way through life...I said, "If I am given over to that state of mind/heart...then they got me too AND if they got me, they got my son!" And I couldn't let that be.

And I know that doesn't seem like it helps those who lost children...but I like to think I WOULD DO WHAT WOULD HONOR THEM AND THEIR LIVES... I think about these things alot...I tell my teenage boy, never feel guilty if something happens to me (because he's so mean to me sometimes) I tell him...if something happened to me...just know I forgive you...I Love you and WALK IN / LOVE THE LORD...that's how we can keep loving eachother.

Another thing my kids have taught me PRAISE GOD...is if I pray over them and claim blessings or promises for them...I have to recieve them myself...and I hope I would.

I don't know if it helps or gives anyone a new perspective in their greif. GOD BLESS!

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As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. Isaiah 55: 10-11

Praise God for his Promises
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