getting over a past filled with abuse

has anyone else been in an abusive marriage and still suffered badly even when they have escaped it?

could anyone share some coping skills with me?

thanks.
sindy
i still hurt so badly inside.

I haven't, but in every community there are battered women's shelters and most have outreach programs that could benefit you. If you can't find the phone # for yours, ask your police department or United Way for it, they should have it.

Hey Sindy. I am very new here but I wanted to chime in on your post. I normally like to just grab a chair and listen to the hum-hum of conversation around CF

Do you belong to a church family? There are support groups that center around your situation. Surrounding yourself with safe people, having someone to confide in (God in the flesh) and becoming active helps. You have something to offer other women....EVERYONE needs to talk about their hurts and it is an awesome thing to look a woman in the eye and say "Me too."

Set your eyes on above and healing will take place.

YSIC

yes, I have indeed been there

I also lost a child to an abusive husband. I stayed with him for far too long because I thought that is what a good wife should do. Keep secrets and keep the road ahead of him as smooth as possible so he won't get angry. Living like that makes you feel like such a zero, like you are not worth being happy.

I got out and found another guy too. The transition is not easy, but a loving guy will be patient and help you heal. As with probably all second marriages, there will be times when you will compare the new guy's behavior to the old guy. Sometimes he will get mad and you will be afraid, even though you know he won't hurt you. The thing to do is to be COMPLETELY honest from the beginning.

The scars will fade, and sometimes in the future you will remember something and it won't hurt. It's like when you go from a hot sweaty outside into the air conditioning: you remember how awful the heat was but you are so comfy and cool that it doesn't matter as much.

Give it time, let your fiance know how you feel, and always keep the Lord close. He is watching and taking care of you and is blessing you richly. You are gonna be ok, sis.

__________________
There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child. ~Frank A. Clark

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. ~Stacia Tauscher

Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man. ~Rabindranath Tagore

I do not have an abusive marriage (thank God), but I did spend many years growing up in one. It took nearly 15 years before God delivered me from the hate, anger and rage that it had built up in me. As a child I went through some horrible things at the hand of my father, but God showed me forgiveness, peace and love. God can heal your wounds but wounds like that usually take time to heal. The thing about going through tough times is we are like a bone, when it gets broken it hurts - a lot - the healing process can take a long time depending on how it was broken. But in the end after it is healed, the chances of it being broken again there are very slim. God does not allow us to go through tough and hard times just for the sake of it, there is a purpose and there is a plan. Because of all the things I went through as a child I have been able to help others that were going through the same thing. Not only that, if those things wouldn't have happened I probably would not have learned forgiveness, love and patience as profoundly as I did. God burned off a lot of stuff that did not belong in my life and has made me in to a better person. The refining process doesn't always feel good, but in the Masters hands we can be asured of hope in the end product.

God bless and I will keep you in my prayers.

__________________
Romans 5:1-6
"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tributlations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly."

Thank you all.

*hug*