a pastor's wife site?

Is this the place where pastors and pastor's wives hang out? I have a question but wanted to make sure if I was in the right place first. If not, where can I go if I have a question regarding the marriage relationship within pastor and wife?

Hi there!
Welcome to CF...This is the right place!

There are some wonderful pastor's wives here!

This thread has come to life in the past couple of months!

Hope to see you around!

God bless you!

__________________
Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.


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Yes, you can ask your question here, and we will try to help you as best we can and offer our prayers.

__________________
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

My situation is kind of unique. But I'm posting it too see if maybe I'm not the only one with this sort of question/situation. I am a pastor's wife. I've been married for more than 7 years. We have no children. We both are a good Christian couple. We do desire children in the future. We are each a busy couple in our ministries. I go through my typical stresses now and then as a pastor's wife, like any other pastor's wife out there. But what sets my marriage apart from other typical married partners is that we never really engage in our physical part of our relationship. When we dated we saved sex till marriage just like any other good Christian couple succeeds to follow. After marriage: We engaged in lovemaking like maybe about 5 or 6 times total in our over 7 years of marriage. I'm writing to see if I'm the only one here with this situation. I don't like this situation. I don't like it at all. I can never talk to anyone about this. So, I am glad to have found this pastor/pastor's wife forum where I can share this that no one else knows about. Is there any one else out there that has a marriage like this, and has after many, many years of marriage finally been able to accomplish a good physical relationship with their spouse, even after many, many years of it lying dormant without sex at all??
((By the way: He is not gay; he is not cheating on me; he is not fooling around on the internet; he is a very good man; he likes to be the one to initiate; and I'm a typical kind of woman that enjoys submitting under my husband; I am attracted to him, he is very handsome; he likewise is attracted to me (although he never calls me "sexy" or stuff like that) I am very physically attractive,just ask men that stare at me all the time! I have to dress 'down' so I don't cause them to sin Most my wardrobe is conservative. Inside closed doors, during the honeymoon years of our marriage, I did already attempt things like dressing provocative for him, but that doesn't raise an interest in him. And I have been praying about this for all these many years, I do carry on a good relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.))
Thank you for any input you may have on this. And if you are a married woman going through this and would rather feel more comfortable sending me a private message instead, that would be fine too.

Bekie, I am glad you felt comfortable sharing your situation...I am not in the same situation but I will keep you in my prayers!
I'm glad you came to this thread and I know that all of these ladies will remember you in their prayers as well..God bless you!

__________________
Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.


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Bekie, will your husband discuss any of this with you or tell you why he doesn't initiate sex? That just sounds very unusual for a man, and I think that you should be direct and tell him how you feel if you haven't already. Also, it isn't very biblical for him to deny you in this area of your relationship (1 Corinthians 7).

Would he be at all open to getting help from a Christian counselor? My husband usually refers people who are having marital troubles to counseling, but we also went ourselves at one point when we were having some difficulties in our own marriage, and it helped us a lot. I believe that this yours is a problem that really needs to be worked out for your marriage to be what God intended. I haven't had the same experience, but I will keep you in my prayers.

__________________
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

I agree with what Sophia has said...it does seem unusual and I think you could possibly benefit from getting counseling together with a Christian or another pastor.
Have the two of you ever discussed this? Does it bother your husband as well?

__________________
Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.


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Thank you Heart4Him and Sophia7 for your kind replies. Because of what you said I see I gotta somehow find a way to bring my feelings about this in conversation to him. It is not easy, especially when we are use to this sort of set routine in our way of relating to each other. I really want him to grow in desire for physical connection with me. May God bless him with such a new desire! I guess all this time I was just waiting for things to set course on its own spontaneity for him to be in the same kind of mood with me to enjoy a physical union like this. I wanted for it to happen in its own beautiful timing. But I didn't realize it would take years. And also it isn't easy since I have no practice at all this to begin with! Then again, God meant it for me to not have practice at this, by honoring Him in not having lived a promiscuous lifestyle before marriage. He doesn't initiate sex, maybe, I think because of many different excuses/reasons he has: like, he's too exhausted from his work; cause he goes to bed way after midnight (we don't hit the sack at the same time); cause it's not on his mind (church stuff is always on his mind); cause he enjoys other activities to release his mind after a long day (he enjoys watching sports on t.v. sometimes to rejuvenate). I could think of so many reasons he may think of why his mind is not on sex, I guess. He did try in the past going to a Christian counselor (which to me was a big surprise to see he had went to seek help, because he tends to be a very private person ), but the counselor was not helpful. My husband knew more knowledge on the counseling techniques than the counselor. The counselor did not challenge my husband enough. It's kind of like a student that is smarter than his teacher. That student, after attending several classes starts getting bored in that class if the teacher is mentally slower than his student. In this similar way my husband was almost, in a way, counseling the counselor, the counselor was not effective, and my husband stopped going after a short while. I have to think real hard about how to bring this up to him once again, it has been a long time. Sure, in the past he has told me that he desires physical intimacy, he does give me all the right answers, its just not taking off, is the problem, along with the other reasons I've already mentioned. Thank you also for telling me that it is not biblical to be denied in this way. I kind of needed to remember that. I just can't go up to him and just be like "Honey! The bible says you gotta make love to me, so lets get at it!" I gotta really think about how to bring all this up on him in a way that the Lord may bless my words to be exactly what he needs to hear and initiate a Godly response to this. May God grant me the wisdom. And may God bless my husband with the joy of sex that we don't even know what that's like yet.

Heart4Him, I just read in something you said in another post about you are doing a couple's devotional w/ your husband. What book are you using? I wanted to buy one, and was wondering which one is well recommended. And anyone else reading this post, if you know of a great couples devotional that really is helpful to real life dilemmas, I'd like to know. Thanks.

The one that we are doing together right now is just called "Couples Devotional Bible" - NIV version by Zondervan Publishing. It is pretty good, but the devotions are really short...I would like to find something a lot more "meaty" myself.
If anyone else knows of any that are better please let us know! Thank you!

__________________
Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.


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