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  #1  
Old 26th June 2006, 12:52 AM
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Losing my "Virginity"

Why not just have a one night stand and get it over with?

I waited because I thought I might meet my future wife tomorrow... or next week... or next year. Preferably tying the knot by 25. Well guess what? That didn't happen. I even went for years without meeting single available women, let alone Christian women I shared a mutual attraction with. Maybe I would have better spent that time in bars and clubs. Long term relationships filled with intellectual and spiritual integrity? Apparently fiction. <aybe that really worked in the 'good old days', but I just don't see it around me today.

It appears that I've been duped. I've been a sucker and a fool for believing that right would prevail. Or maybe it did, but I was in the wrong. Now I just want to get on with my life. A little older and a little wiser... perhaps. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Sure I've prayed... but it seems clear that in terms of relationships God only helps those who help themselves. Take an honest look at Christian married couples... seriously. In fact, he rewards the promiscuous with marriages and families while I pine alone under the moonlight. Why should this be so?

Can you believe that there are Christians that had lots of premarital sex and yet are already married? Isn't it astonishing that there are people my age with children? Well, I can't wrap my mind around either without a great deal of difficulty. Apparently each of them is a better human being than I. It feels like I'm where I was at 16, while everybody else has grown up. Despite being decent looking, reasonably smart, a highly romantic person, and trying to do the right thing, I have failed as a man. Perhaps due to negligence on the part of those around me, or more likely due to flaws in my own logic. This is very difficult to admit, and causes an emotional reaction that makes it all the more difficult to express. It drains my soul, and leaves me no choice but to stand beside myself and gawk at the wreckage.

Here I am, nearly 31, and all indicators point to the conclusion that I'm not getting any closer to a relationship. I love women, and I've always been a romantic at heart. While a one night stand isn't much, it's something to hold onto. I would like to make some memories to carry with me into the later years. To sit back and think that, perhaps just once, I was fully human, living out my design. Perhaps worthy of the impression of love, despite being unlovable in reality. My imagination is nearly boundless... I'm sure I can make myself think it was something beyond what it seemed. A wild night in Las Vegas may be just the ticket.

After all, I've never felt all dainty and naive like a "virgin" is supposed to be. I don't want just going on a date to be a big deal anymore. I don't want to keep being nervous that I may come on too strong etc. The self-loathing makes me sick. The lip-service Christian women give also makes me sick... they just go for the more experienced guys anyway. Experience brings confidence. I'm not getting any younger, and I'm tired of carrying the cross of being virgin man with erotic energy (pardon my explicitness) that simply has nowhere to go. In the long run, God will forgive. Goodness knows he made me.

Sure I'll probably contract AIDS from my lone sexual experience and die, or maybe the very next day I'll meet a would-be girlfriend who will leave me because of this action. But without even a pretense of love, life is empty and cold. It may be worth the risk.

So, why not? Can anyone offer a convincing reason why I shouldn't scrap this "male virgin" BS and just get on with my life? It's seriously cramping my style... especially at 30. There were opportunities to lose this burdon in the past... though at the time I thought I was being a strong man for not giving into temptation. Maybe that was a mistake. I have been very blessed with health and life, so maybe I should enjoy it before my hormones fade and/or I become too bitter, self-absorbed and warped by loneliness.




(FYI: Allowing myself to entertain certain possibilities has helped prevent me from making the mistakes in the past. Please do not interpret this post as an emphatic statement that I will definitely have sex before marriage. Also, please pardon the typos and grammatical errors... this is an emotional subject for me, and my proofreading is probably suffering for it.)
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  #2  
Old 26th June 2006, 01:03 AM
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Originally Posted by mrkguy75
So, why not? Can anyone offer a convincing reason why I shouldn't scrap this "male virgin" BS and just get on with my life?
  1. 1 Corinthians 6:9 (Whole Chapter) King James Version (KJV)
    Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
Something you really need to remember; the reason we don't have sex outside of marriage has nothing to do with whether we get married or not. It has to do with pleasing God, and obeying Him.

Peace.
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  #3  
Old 26th June 2006, 01:08 AM
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You won't do it because it's not you. Even if you are 40 & still waiting, you still will not have the one night stand because it's not you.

I've learned it's better to stay true to oneself. You may feel miserable at times but you'd feel even worse if you didn't stay true to yourself.
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  #4  
Old 26th June 2006, 01:21 AM
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You need prayer more than you need advice because deep down you know that sex is better withing marraige, that most if not all of those Christian couples you know would love to erase their pre-marital mistakes, and that as a follower of Christ who bears His great name, you have no business having premarital sex.

I have hormones too, and they can wear on my conscience horribly. I've considered various ways to lose my virginity, but my identity and place is with God not sex.

This conclusion of "It's OK if I do this, God will forgive and make it all better" is what I hate about this whole "second virginity" teaching. If it's correct, you and I ought to both go out, find some willing women and get some. We'll feel guilty about it in time, we'll ask for forgiveness, and it will be as if it never happened. This sin carries consequences, and virginity is freedom from those consequences. We don't have the regrets that the ex-fornicators have. We don't have the pain, diseases, or child support payments. We don't have the relational strain with the exes.
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  #5  
Old 26th June 2006, 01:29 AM
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OK, so I'm strong and I never get any and I die alone having never known what sex is like. Do I get into Heaven? maybe, maybe not. Cause there's always gonna be somebody who brings up the whole schpiel about how our works are worthless in God's eyes and that we're saved by grace. So we can't win either way! We either die alone and bitter and cold because no one showed us love, and get condemned to Hell because we didn't believe in a God who did nothing to help us; or we sin and sin and sin and sin and enjoy life and be human and do all these things that we're not supposed to do and then at the last minute say "God, I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to resist temptation." and get into Heaven. That's just BS. Why even be Christian at all?
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  #6  
Old 26th June 2006, 01:33 AM
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I regret giving up my virginity when I was 18. I was young and naive. I wish I could turn back time and do it the right way.

It's not worth giving it away to someone who will most likely not commit to you.

What you have is a precious gift that is meant for your wife. She will come.

PS... I think virgin guys are hot. lol
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“Yes, I am a Free Lover. I have an inalienable, constitutional and natural right to love whom I may, to love as long or as short a period as I can; to change that love every day if I please, and with that right neither you nor any law you can frame have any right to interfere. And I have the further right to demand a free and unrestricted exercise of that right, and it is your duty not only to accord it, but as a community, to see I am protected in it. I trust that I am fully understood, for I mean just that, and nothing else.”
Victoria Woodhull, “And the truth shall make you free,” a speech on the principles of social freedom, 1871

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  #7  
Old 26th June 2006, 01:37 AM
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Originally Posted by shinbits
  1. 1 Corinthians 6:9 (Whole Chapter) King James Version (KJV)
    Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
Something you really need to remember; the reason we don't have sex outside of marriage has nothing to do with whether we get married or not. It has to do with pleasing God, and obeying Him.

Peace.
As for the verse, I feel that being a male virgin is perhaps more effeminate than having sex once in 30 years would make me a fornicator. When I think about it, I feel like less of a man. For some reason, my confidence is foundering in the face of that.

I agree that abstaining has to do with pleasing God and obeying him. Good point. It's just that he usually has a reason behind his commands. I'm not seeing that in this case, as it relates to me.


Originally Posted by mwb
I've learned it's better to stay true to oneself. You may feel miserable at times but you'd feel even worse if you didn't stay true to yourself.
I want to agree with you. But what is my true self? Am I not also man created to love a woman? Do I not have emotional and physical needs?

Where is my "helper" and friend?


Originally Posted by twistedsketch
This conclusion of "It's OK if I do this, God will forgive and make it all better" is what I hate about this whole "second virginity" teaching. If it's correct, you and I ought to both go out, find some willing women and get some. We'll feel guilty about it in time, we'll ask for forgiveness, and it will be as if it never happened. This sin carries consequences, and virginity is freedom from those consequences. We don't have the regrets that the ex-fornicators have. We don't have the pain, diseases, or child support payments. We don't have the relational strain with the exes.
That's what I dislike about that 'second virginity' thing too. But you know, we're the bad ones in that deal. It's as if the frustration and pain we go through counts for naught... as though it doesn't reall matter at all. But who knows? Maybe they're right. I feel that I've given it a fair chance.

I agree that sexual sin carries consequences... especially in terms of pregancy and sickness. In order to avoid getting her pregnant, maybe I'll get a vasectomy. Some might say that a 30 year old virgin probably isn't fit enough for offspring anyway. Eliminating that possibility may be a good thing. If I remain alone as I am, nobody will care if I'm sick (other than extended family). Perhaps it's worth the trade-off.

You're right that I know the correct choice... but there are no guarantees that it will go badly, and it's not like I would be taking a blind risk.
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  #8  
Old 26th June 2006, 01:42 AM
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You're still young, it's not like you're on your death bed or something. Having premarital sex with someone you don't love won't fill the void you have in your heart. Just focus on your relationship with God. He has a plan for your life. Sometimes we grow impatient in life but we just have to place our trust in God and accept things will take place in His time.
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Old 26th June 2006, 01:44 AM
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What if you concieve a baby with her?

What about STD's?

I highly doubt you would enjoy it as much as you think you might, and I do think that you would regret it at some point.

I apologised to my wife for not waiting.
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  #10  
Old 26th June 2006, 01:48 AM
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Originally Posted by LonelyTraveler
We either die alone and bitter and cold because no one showed us love, and get condemned to Hell because we didn't believe in a God who did nothing to help us; or we sin and sin and sin and sin and enjoy life and be human and do all these things that we're not supposed to do and then at the last minute say "God, I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to resist temptation." and get into Heaven. That's just BS. Why even be Christian at all?
My relationship status is weakening my faith. Perhaps God hates me. Or maybe God really does love me, but he's not the one telling me to wait. I'm confused.


Originally Posted by *Keri*
I regret giving up my virginity when I was 18. I was young and naive. I wish I could turn back time and do it the right way.

It's not worth giving it away to someone who will most likely not commit to you.

What you have is a precious gift that is meant for your wife. She will come.

PS... I'm a girl and I think virgin guys are hot. lol
I can see how I might have regretted losing my virginity at 18, with the possibility of meeting my spouse several years later (and I'm sure you will meet someone... most do). But at 30, I wonder if I'm just holding onto false hope. Being this single for this long makes me wonder if I'm even worth being committed to. Sure I was, say, 7 years ago... but today?
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