Daughter is experimenting with cutting

The principle from my 14 year old daughter called this afternoon to tell me that he received a letter from some concerned about her. The letter said that she had started cutting herself because of boyfriend problems.
He called my daughter into the office and asked to see her arms. First she tried to say that they were scratches from her sister, but he asked again what she used and she admitted that she used a pin, but that it wasn't hard enough to draw blood.
He believes that this is a sign that she will soon move onto using other things.
First I am asking for prayer for her.

Could this be the start of a major problem or might it be just a call for help? I have watched tv shows on this subject and thanked God that none of our 4 daughter have done this. Now here I am and I don't remember the things that I heard.
I'm sorry for rambling. I am worried and I love my daughter with all my heart. She is sweet and loves the Lord and wants to be baptized soon.
Thank you for all your help.

__________________
"YOU, LORD, GIVE PERFECT PEACE TO THOSE WHO KEEP THEIR PURPOSE FIRM AND PUT THEIR TRUST IN YOU" Isaiah 26:3

Matthew Henry said, " It ought to be the business of every day to prepare for our final day."

Hi! I am sorry to hear about your daughter. I've been cutting off and on for years and the only thing I can say is - talk to her!! Get help for her, if she'll agree to go. Just be there for her, even though you don't understand. SHe has a problem, but she is still the same daughter you had before the call.
It is wonderful that you want to know how to help her. Hopefully she and you can learn why she cuts and what she can do to help herself learn the coping skills she will need to allow her to stop.
You and she will be in my prayers in a special way.

In Him,
Texannurse

Stress to her that her body is a Temple. Its the Lords and that it should be kept preserved.

One thing I wish my parents wouldn't have done was get mad at me. Don't get angry with her. Talk to her about everything that's bothering her for her to do this.

I think that maybe she needs to kinda understand that yes, a boyfriend is important, but that she needs to remember that he is only her boyfriend. As much as he may be important to her, shes only 14 and has so much to look forward to.

Thank you both for your suggestions.

I'm really not mad at her. I am mad at myself for not seeing the signs that she was feeling low about herself.

Her father spoke with her when she got home from school today and told her that we wanted to talk with her. She understood. We need to wait till we can have a chance to speak with her when the other kids are out. She doesn't need her brother and sister listening in.

Being 14 is not easy as it is and then to start have low self esteem just compounds the feelings.

I just want her to know that I am willing to listen without judging and if I feel that I can't help her that she might need to speak to someone who is a pro at this type of thing.

Thanks again for your prayers and advice.
Take care and God Bless

__________________
"YOU, LORD, GIVE PERFECT PEACE TO THOSE WHO KEEP THEIR PURPOSE FIRM AND PUT THEIR TRUST IN YOU" Isaiah 26:3

Matthew Henry said, " It ought to be the business of every day to prepare for our final day."

Originally Posted by njsisterinChrist

I'm really not mad at her. I am mad at myself for not seeing the signs that she was feeling low about herself.

My parents were the best in the world, but I was still very, very good at hiding my feelings and my low self-esteem and depression. Please don't be mad at yourself.

I just want her to know that I am willing to listen without judging and if I feel that I can't help her that she might need to speak to someone who is a pro at this type of thing.

Your daughter is very, very blessed to have such wonderful and understanding parents.

Back when I was a teenager, self-injury was really not talked about. I never knew anyone else even did it until I was in my 20's and got counseling. I think nowdays it's becoming more talked about, and I wonder if sometimes kids hear about it and think trying it might solve their problems. I wish they wouldn't, as we know it doesn't.

But it can be overcome, and talking to you or a therapist or whomever you choose can be such a good thing for her. I pray for her, and you. I know this can change for her and she will do well. God bless you all.

I would take this very seriously but at the same time not overreact or panic. I say take it seriously for a couple of reasons. It can get very out of control and and can easily turn into a secret way of coping with any kind of strong emotion. It can be very addictive and very effective as a coping mechanism. Also worrying is that it is a reaction to interactions w/ boyfriend. This is how I started out and it was all because of attachment issues. I would consider therapy to help your daughter have a place to talk about her emotions...there are often underlying issues that if dealt with early can help avoid an addiction. In some ways, although it probably doesn't feel like it now, it is a blessing the principle called to let you know. My parent's still don't know I'm a cutter and i've been cutting for 8 years. Now you can help her because you know.

I'll be praying for you and her.

one thing you should avoid though is trying to get rid of just the cutting. if you just try to get rid of the coping method, then she's going to go do something else that might be worse. her struggles may not seem very big to you, but they obviously are to her.

also be willing to deal lwith the problem. don't just shove it off to a therapist and expect them to deal with it. your her parent, you should be involved in the healing process. she may need a therapist, she may not, i woudln't know, but either way, whatever it is she needs, be willing to work through it WITH her.

Hey, my names steph and im 14 too, and i know that last year in yr 8 me and my whole group went through a really difficult time with cutting, smoking....lets not go on. Just all of that stuff. And i know that personally the only reason i ever thought about cutting when i was down was because it was an availible option. And ive been fighting it for the past year and a half now.

Its a really person thing and your daughter, depending on how close you too are, may not want to talk about it. You and her seem very close, and thats definately a good thing. Personally, me and mum would just scream and fight about it, which just cause me to cut more.

Firstly...i think that if your daughter doesnt know that the principle called and told you, it would be best not to say he called you saying she was cutting. That will just make it worse, cause she will feel like she cant trust anyone and withdraw. Talk to her gently about it, let her know how much you love her, but really suss her out on this. Safety pins can draw blood. So the fact that she didnt means she wasnt serious enough about it. But that doesnt mean much, i know alot of my friends cut more and more seriously as we went along. Suss out her feelings, talk to her about them, and if it seems needed, suggest maybe going and seeing a councilor or something like that. She may indeed, like you thought, may just be crying out for help. But that ignored, she will likely move on to more serious harm.

You sound like a wonderful mother, bless you for reaching out like this when you found out. Its wonderful to hear your not angry at her, but dont think its your fault. In some situations with family issues, it may have been brought on by family issues, but it doesnt seem like that in this case. Just let her know she can always, always talk to you about anything, anytime. Stress it, but also let her know that if she feels uncomfortable talking to someone so close to her, she can go to a councilor or someone else. I hope this makes sense, its such a difficult thing to talk to someone about, honesty is just the best and easiest approach. Dont lie to her, just let her know how you feel about it, seeing as shes a christian and wanting to get baptised, etc then maybe encourage her to pray about it and talk about it with god, or even someone close from church or youth (if she goes) I used to have a mentor from my youth group, and thats definately something good....

anyway, i wish you peace of mind, strength and communication with your daughter. Dont hesitate to pray for strength, or guidance fromthe lord. Be strong.

teffie

__________________

Yeah what teffie said

__________________
"If I stand let me stand on the promise that you will pull me through. If I can't let me fall on the grace that first brought me to you" Rich Mullins

Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in LORD still I will say, Blessed be the name of the Lord. Blessed be your glorious name.

teffi hun, i have a question; what does suss mean?