Marriage: Round 2

HuntingMan · #41 28th April 2007, 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by MaraPetra

Thought-provoking, especially considering my past history!

The last time the US divorce rate was released, it was 50% for first marriages, and 60% for subsequent marriages.

Like another poster said, it is easier for a divorced-then-remarried person to divorce again. You already know the procedure, what emotions you'd feel, etc. Plus, living single has its own charms and can be quite a temptation, especially when you're living with a person whose faults are rather pronounced, and the chance for change is very slim.

I really think the success of a second marriage depends on better compatibility, understanding of one another's past, forgiveness of past sins, resolution of emotional baggage, faith in God that He will hold that second marriage as holy, and a willingness to put the past behind you in order to find a better future with your second spouse.

Actually, because of my first marriage and my first wife cheating so much and having to put her away, I held on even tighter and put up with far more during my second marriage trying to prove to myself that by being even more of a doormat than I had been in the first marriage would convince my second wife to finally change.

It was actually harder for me to divorce the second wife because I knew one marriage had already failed and I didnt want yet another failed marriage.

littlenova · #42 16th May 2008, 08:59 PM

without freaking the other posters out how about remarrying to the one you divoriced,and realizing you never should have. that's where I'm at.
God pulled us to reconcile.

FaithfulWife · #43 17th May 2008, 12:43 AM

Originally Posted by Yitzchak

Beware the person who is trying to fix in their second marriage the things that thye think went wrong in their first...

Yitzchak~

I deeply respect you and usually am amazed at your posts, but on this one I would consider partially disagreeing with you, and here's why.

If a person goes into their second marriage and just "does the exact opposite" of their first marriage, all that will happen is that they will have the same problems but in opposite. The extroverted spouse was too much so not they pick an introvert...and that spouse is too quiet. So in that instance what you say is correct. That person is looking for someone EXTERNALLY to solve their problems and change their life.

However, in the instance when a person has a first marriage that ends, and the person takes the time for serious introspection and spends several years working on themselves and making internal changes, then I do believe it is entirely possible for that person to go into their second marriage with entirely new information and knowing themselves better try to fix in their second marriage what they did wrong in their first.

Some examples of what I mean would be that as a younger person, the first spouse may have been chosen due to rather immature reasons such as "chemistry" or a crush or pre-marital pregnancy...or even the idea that God will "save" your spouse if you are a good witness to them! In your first marriage the concepts of obedience to God, matching personality traits, similar beliefs about raising children and managing money, even how to communicate in a healthy way, how to express anger in a healthy way, or meet emotional needs and avoid those things that destroy love...those things are not usually considered. In the second marriage sometimes they are.
Finally, I personally learned many things about myself after my first marriage ended--things that I did not know when I chose to marry. My second marriage does not "fix" the things I learned, but it does "fix" the errors I made in the first one because in the second one I chose more wisely.

~Faithful