Caring for brain-damaged father...

pink sounds like your doin a great job ...your getting it to gether..best advice i can give is take care of yourself so u can take care of your love ones...my husband had a tree fall off a 100ft clift and landed on him..that was 3 years ago..he has frontal lobe brain injury and lots of other body injuries... his brain injury sounds not as bad as your dads...but i know what its like to know and love a person and then 1 sec later their a different person altogether but in your love 1 body ...keep talking to people and dont give up hope theirs always a way to get what u need .. just relized this is a old post i hope u see this ...if you do let me konw i would love to be apart of your support..even after 3 years i still need it too

Hi Pink,

I know what you mean about others just nodding and saying they understand. Your dad is so young! My step-dad was 65 at the time. He will be 75 in November.

In April 1999 my step-dad suffered a ruptured aneurysm of the brain. It was 2 days after my mom's cancer surgery. We found him on the floor of their apartment. The doctors didn't think he would make it through the night. They inserted a shunt and after 2 long months (hospital and rehab) he was sent home. I was terrified. I had both of them to take care of. I had to quit my job and move in with them. 3 months later my husband was able to move with us because we got a house.

My mom passed in February 2001. I had openheart bypass in May 2002.

Lately, I have been feeling guilty because I have thought about a nursing home. It is very hard for me to care for him. He has Type 2 diabetes, hypertension, BHP, cellulitis in his legs and COPD. I have Type 1 diabetes, heart disease, adrenal problems, diabetes complications, depression, sleep apnea, among other things. I feel so frustrated. When I try to tell him why he needs to walk, do his exercises and keep his legs elevated (that is all he has to do), he stares at me with a blank look. I wonder if I am getting through. Enough about me.

God had me come here today and I am so glad that He sent me to your post! I no longer feel alone.

If you want to talk, please pm me anytime. I would love to talk with you! I am sure we can help each other.

Is there anyway you can get him into a daycare sort of facility even for a few days a week.. to give you a break. What about getting a volunteer to sit with him while you get out for a bit.. sometimes we just have to make up our minds to go along with things..

Like making up our mind to have patience with a crying child.. like making up our mind to have patience with a sick relative..

Don't forget the little things.. like watching a nice movie.. listening to music.. reading a book..

Only you can know if you have to put him into care or not.. if you can't cope..

An aneurysm burst in my husband's brain in December 2006. It has left him with substantial brain damage. I did ask the doctors to pull his life support when they predicted he would be left drooling in a nursing home if he had lived. I knew he wouldn't want to live if he couldn't do all the things he did heretofore. He had a MENSA level intelligence and has four degrees including a Ph.D. However he has made a much better than predicted recovery, but on his bad days it is like living with a person with mild dementia. I still wonder if it would have been better if nature had taken its course. Neither of us relish the fact I am his carer, that certain je ne sais quoi has gone from our marriage. But I married the man for better or for worse and I will stick to my marriage vows.