How can I encourage trust in his parents?

Glad you are feeling better!

I just wanted to "ditto" everyone else's sentiments on the "talk"... do not have it! It will only make things more awkward if she doesn't "go" with you on it. And you will certainly catch her off guard as well, which no one appreciates.

She sounds a little nutso with the carpet issue, but other than that, she's probably just a mom concerned about her son... and that's fine. You really wouldn't want it the other way around - I've dated guys who's mothers don't care one way or the other, and they have definite issues because of it.

I think you should just lay back and see how the next couple of times together with his parents go before initiating any type of conversation about your love for her son. I wouldn't want to meet anyone dating my family for the first time, and then the next time around hear their professions of emotion, no matter how serious. I would need to know the person first before I could even decide the legitimacy of what they were saying.

Very good point! Kudos (and reps!) to you!

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I think you just need to spend a little more time with his parents. You can't necessarily expect to get on like best friends from only the first meeting! And if he says that she liked you, it's probably true. So just relax, spend a little more time with them before making any big decisions like having a "talk".

I could see *maybe* having a chat like that if you were just about to get married and she obviously didn't like you or something, but you guys have just started dating and you've only met her once!! Give it a little more time. Some people just need a chance to get to know others better before they really "warm up" to them. And also keep in mind, families show affection differently! Like in my fiance's family, they hug each other a lot, and in my family, we really don't hug much at all. That took some getting used to!!

Also, you had mentioned how he had told you all sorts of things about his parents. Keep in mind most people do exaggerate a bit when it comes to the "craziness" of their own relatives. They're so concerned about making a good impression that they don't want anything to be taken the wrong way, and end up over-compensating.

Before I met my fiance's parents, we'd been dating maybe 2 months, and he was all nervous about me meeting his mom, but it actually went pretty well and although now that I know her better, I can understand some of the "warnings" or whatever about her, but to me they're not a big deal at all. Things like- she doesn't like for there to be silence in the conversation, so she'll just start talking about something random. Like, the first time we went out for dinner with his parents, she was talking about her menopause symptoms (I'm a nurse, so to me it wasn't THAT strange, but it's not the most common topic at the dinner table!)

Anyway... relax! Maybe try to do something with your bf's parents, or just spend some more time with them. You're in no way doomed to a bad relationship with them. The more they see you and your bf together, the more they'll see how much you love and respect each other.

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Technically - in order to truely court.... you have to have their approval.

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Turn the world upside down [Acts 17:6]

AS far as gaining their trust...

Trust is earned. not immediatley granted.

at this point, I am not sure sitting down with her is the best choice. I would wait untill you get to know her better.

Remember, this is their "baby" it can and probably is usually hard for parents to see their kids get to the point where the start eriously seeing people of the opposite sex.

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Turn the world upside down [Acts 17:6]

also - one thing I like to point out - is find which ever parent your b/f or g/f is most like. - that is how they are going to be!

does the "clean freak" aspect of him or his parents bother you? if so, you need to realize that it will be much worse when you are married - curerntly you are not dealing with it all the time. One you get married - you will have to deal with it on a continual basis - do not hang your hat on the fact that he is only like that because he lives at home etc..

Just a note to remember.

this is for everyone - any trait that you do not like or have an issue with in your b/f or g/f before marriage will only be magnified after marriage

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Turn the world upside down [Acts 17:6]

So.... how do I go about asking their permission to court their son? I can see it being more common for a guy to ask a girl's parents for permission... but... am I supposed to ask? What should I say to them?

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I agree!

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Don't slow down, if you're scared, don't show it!
You might get out before the devil even knows you're there!



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Well, Jeremy's nothing like his parents. He's nothing like his mother and nothing like his step-father. Jeremy and his parents are polar opposites.

The "clean freak" aspect of his parents doesn't bother me- I like to be neat and tidy, too. However, my first meeting with them was in their house, and when I walked in, I was shocked, impressed, and mostly intimidated at how clean and organized everything was. It was immaculate! Seeing how "perfect" everything was kind of took me back and made me feel like I wasn't... good enough for their son... like, I wasn't "clean" enough to be with their son. I mean, I like to keep things clean and in order, but I swear, these people must be on the lookout for every speck of dust in their home!

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Don't slow down, if you're scared, don't show it!
You might get out before the devil even knows you're there!



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How does he feel about the cleanliness? Even if he is not like his parents, it is not uncommon for a man/woman to marry and expect that their house look a lot like their parents. And then if the mother did all the cleaning, a husband might expect his wife to clean to the same level. Its worth discussing

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Married 9.5 years! Homeschooling SAHM to D (5 yrs), M (2.5), E and (1.5). and baby due January 2, 2010.