well it doesnt exactly describe how i feel, but i like that song. and also i just heard it today from some person who was giving a message to my school (just that verse not the song). so of course i immediately recognized it and started humming it aloud and stuff.
i am falling in love with laryn hill's bohemian rhapsody version of the song all over again.
i want to go skiing, and go hiking, and go water skiing, and learn how to swim better, and learn how to make really good food. and just all these damn things that im so annoyed at for typing down. i want somebody to care enough about me to force me to do some of the things ive always dreamed about doing. i really wish that there is a guy who would care enough for me to ask.
you know what it is? blessed are those who don't get tired, because they will get lots of rewards, or whatever the line goes...actually it goes nothing like that...but thats genuinely the opposite of what i feel.
im tired of being good. why do all the wicked prosper? why do the wicked people always get better grades? better relationships? more sex? have a more exciting life? why is it like that?
sigh i know...the wicked perish like chaff before the wind i need to remember that and stop envying people who i know dont know what i know i have on my side-a God who loves me so wide and so deep that I can't even begin to understand it.
and im going out this friday night but im not going out with the intention of getting drunk/crunk (ugh i never say those words why am i typing them). but i just need to go out and get out of this stagnation or whatever it is out of my life for one night. just get out. you know.
maybe im going through 'stir-crazy' but i dont think so. i think im just ready for a change in the area of my personal relationships with people. i want, no i NEED to form deeper friendships with Christians and i really just want to find that guy who's right for me. like charlotte on sex and the city said: ''ive been dating since i was 15, where is he already?" lol, thats how i feel a bit, though i haven't been dating since i was 15.
aww my little puppy is sleeping beside me, she's actually almost 2 now, but she is a very small dog and she's just curled up snoring on the carpet. i love her
and i feel so close to tears for no reason at all. what is wrong with me? am i going crazy? i must be for thinking about how im feeling like this and analyzing my life in such detail.
anyway i have work to do. im planning on going on vacation soon if time permits, i need to get out of my house for a little bit, need some independence.
So Im going to request that if you happen to read my blog, or this entry, leave a comment. Just say hi, or whatever you think about what I posted, or what you disagree with/or agree with me on. Go ahead, no one's judging you. I put my thoughts on the line, just give me a hey there. Please?
Anyway I totally blew all my work today to watch tv. Which was really good, Grey's Anatomy season premiere so I think that tv show speaks for itself.
I am not going to go out tommorow night (well I mean out-out) because I have way too many tests next week. And I have to do something else anyway which is for some reason in the evening-a scheduled event, and would prolly be to tired to go out after that.
Dang I am so sleepy right now but dont want to go to sleep. Im not feeling well either. I had some weird food today. Squash and egg fried omelette in the morning with 2 falafels, and some brown rice with chicken and some curried chickpeas for dinner (which was all reheated). I dont know why Im even posting Im so tired right now.
I could be doing my devotions which I haven't been doing all week, shame on me. I bought a new bible and am starting to 'get off' the reading curve. Need to jump back on it and start reading it again. Where did I leave off though?
So Im stuck...and need to get out. And Im also sleepy and need to go to bed. Well I will accomplish what I can do. The rest will have to wait til morning.
Now that I post in this journal pretty much everyday Im finding it a little bit insulting that no one is reading it or if you are, that you're not bothering to comment! If you accidentally click on this journal and don't read it then it's understandable, but if you do read it, leave a damn comment. I'll even send you e-coli free spinach through pm.
Did anyone else happen to glance at the msn online articles the other day, or it might have nbc...about how being funny is a more valued trait now and how everyone is trying to be funny? And how basically now everything has to turn into funny, even corporate commercials about typically unfunny things? And how weird that is? Well Im not funny, I dont try to be, though I guess I have more people laughing at what I say than not because I generally try to be an honest and sincere person, and the comments that I make are not geared towards funny, but towards honesty and that can sometimes be more funny than sarcasm/jokes. Which I am also not very good at. The only downside to this is that I used to be one of those people (used to be are the key words here) who would expect everyone else to be honest too, and end up believing everything they said, judging the even most blatantly false thing that came out of an unscrupulous person's mouth for true. It earned me the reputation for being gullible throughout high school and 2 different universities. Now I can say that Im getting over it and my gullibility/belief in other people's sincerity has turned into-Im not getting hoodwinked by you loser-mentality. Though at times I wonder about myself still.
Not that anyone has tricked me as of late but I generally think that I can guess whether a person wants to talk to me, wants to spend time with me, versus the people who just say things to say things. But I obviously have no such indicator because Ive falled victim again into trying to make others care about me, and I realize how ridiculous and how annoying I must seem. So Im not going to do it anymore. I'll just focus on my work, on school (which is getting harder by the minute) and friends will just have to wait until there is some genuine proof that this time it will be different, this time I wont get burned.
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