Survivor of sexual assult... here is my story...

My name is Elizabeth Vince and when i was 16 i got molested by my pipeband instructor and it was on dec 17 2001 the pipeband instructor was 52, i was in his pipeband and in a air cadet pipeband, I joined air cadets in 1998, this intructor was a good guy which i thought he was and me and my sister always had practices with him did parades and everything and it was fun, I mean even my parents fully trusted him and around the end my uncle and a couple of people had a funny feeling about him and i think i was the only person that didn't. I would hug him all the time but i mean i hug everyone and hold his hand and sit on his lap and now that i think about it, it seems to be my fault but i have realized it was not, because on dec 17th he touched me and the stuff that I did I totally didn't think anything of it not in any relationship lkind of way and i mean he is 52 and i was 16 and he was my instructor... but as I look at it now i am like wow... but he did touch me in his car before driving me home like touching my chest and tried to kiss me but i did go to court for this and it was very hard it is not something u take lightly and I did testify and I told the truth and said what happened even though he shook his head the whole time and i was thinking why are u shaking your head i know what happened. I had alot of support with family and friends and even my youth pastor came, I can't really remember his sentence i know he had 12 months probation and i do know he got what he diserved. I had counceling but i am still having trouble and it will be with me for the rest of my life but there is always hope and I love that, God has helped me so much. I know it has been almost 4 years since it happens but now i am learning to help people who have been through the same thing.

The situation has to do with scott (my friend) and i have been good friends with him for 3 years. Even just talking about it now i feel guilty... I am always so happy to see him and things he says to me makes me feel good like how i look and I feel he has been a good friend, I have realized now how flirty i have been with him, letting him do things which seemed right at the time and i didn't think anything of it at the time. I thought scott was someone decent a nice and appropiate guy, I was very wrong, he is someone completely opposite. What happened was at the end of august he came over as he did to visit and he was going to give me a ride to work. we were talking outside and he wanted me to sit on his lap and i kept saying that i was fine, now that i think of it he seemed kind of flirty so he grabed my arm and it wasn't by force well maybe alittle and i sat there and he was touching my stomach and I let it happen and even my chest but he asked me about that and i said it was fine and i really don't know why i just have liked him for awhile but i wouldn't do anything about it.

When he was doing that i dunno it was in the moment that i didn't do anything until he said something and i went to work. but truthfully he is different and touchy and he wanted me to touch him! and i didn't i was like ahh.. let's take things slowly. I didn't know what to say to that. I wouldn't want to have a relationship like that

The next time i saw him he was at my house at like 11:30pm and I was trying to talk to him about what happened and he said that he was the one making the moves on me and that i didn't do anything.

the third time i went to his house which to see his apartment and all we did was watch this comedy thing and I was laughing watching it and he did keep touching my stomach and i kept thinking this is wrong this is wrong and i mean he has a girlfriend and a kid on the way and i didn't say anything and few minutes later he stopped and he knew he wasn't supposed to do it. I asked him why he is doing it and what he thought about me and he said that i was beautiful and all that etc.. but he is different and he is not what i thought and i may have liked him in my past but i wouldn't have ever tried anything.

I shouldn't have let him try anything with me and i think of the little things that seemed harmless at the time but were not and the things i have said, and I joke around alot with people and he was like one time I love you Liz and i said it back but not seriously and don't think he thought it was serious but that is bothering me) and i am such a bad person and the truth is by talking about this it makes me feel like a horible person and i hate talking about a person behind the persons back and i mean God wouldn't do it and he is not a bad guy he just has issues to get through.

I called awhile ago and told him that i felt horible and he told me to call back the next day around 4pm to talk about it and i didn't because i was upset but I assumed if he really cared about our friendship he would call and he didn't.
the 4th of october i left a message and e-mailed him how i felt, also the last time i saw him at his house he did tell me abit that he was having problems but i said if i was the one pregnant i would be tired, because megan didn't want to do anything. I have hurt megan and it kills me and he hasn't told her and it hurts me and this situation is in the past according to scott and i saw him at chuch 4 months ago and it was during the service but i don't know if he saw me.

I feel so hurt and that i am dealing with his consequences and mine and why did i do this, this is not me and i am horible i can never forgive myself and i feel so lost and hurt. Maybe i had this coming and I don't know. I do not know what you think out of all this and i am sorry if this is too much for anyone. what is worse is I hurt God and i love him and i would do anything for him, I feel I needed to get it off my chest thanks.
GodBless,

Elizabeth

P.S. He is a nice guy and he had his kid awhile ago and right now i feel there is nothing i can do at this point and all i can do now is move on. I mean i won't be able to move on with life if i am depressed and dwelling on it. I feel that what ever happens happens, if it comes up I will speak the truth. Could you please pray that i would be able to move on and not care what people think of me and worry to much? i mean i know i do over react. thanks everyone. GodBless.