So I see a few positives: you no longer are dependant upon alcohol, you know how to forgive, and you know how to ask for help and have! Great start!
There are many, many people out there who are willing to help you-- this site is a great start. Soudns like you love your family and I bet they love you too.. and of course God loves you.
Thanks for reaching out to us and accepting our comments. Focus on the positive and look for God's help to lead you through the hard spots.
I was sexualy abused by alcoholic preist at age of six. ( Im very sorry that you had to go through this horrible thing, my little brother was sexually abused by a neighbour, and we tried taking it through the right channels, but because my little brother was 4 years old, and there was no witnesses, the guy got away with it, But I believe, and I do believe that he got away with it from the law, but he will have to answer to a higher power when he dies.
some of my friends have comitted sueiside since because of him. ( I am very sorry that you have lost good friends because of this evil man, I lost a friend who had schizophrenia, it hurt me so much, and even today when I think of him, I miss him so much.
I hate that I have homosexual tendincies. ( Dont be angry with yourself, a large % of males and females have those thoughts, I know it may mix up your feelings, but what ever you decide to be, you know that people will love you no matter who you are.
I was bullyied right through school. ( I was bullied as well, I didn`t like going to school, I skipped school, and I used to cry when I got hit, but it has made me into a stronger person, and has shown me, who I can and can`t trust through life.
I left school early with no grades. ( I left school with no grades either, but just because we dont have the peice of paper that can say we can do it, doesnt mean that we can`t, we can do anything, if you put your mind to it.
I get abuse when I go out at night so dont anymore. ( I`m really sorry that this happens to you, it could be that when you go out, people can sense that your vulnerable, and they want to take advantage, try going out with friends, and not on your own at night)
I am sad enough. ( We are all sad from time to time, some more than others, but God has us here for a reason, and it will all be clear, what that reason is, yours could be that so much bad experiences were thrown at you, but you made it through the other side, a better person for it)
I have forgiven but it still makes me cry. ( I hate to admit, but I sometimes cry, when your a male, crying seems wrong, but it isn`t, we cry to release our sadness, if we dont cry, we bottle it up, and makes us feel worse, also a problem halfed is a problem shared)
I was an alchoholic but am off 3 years. ( Congrats that you had the strength to quit drinking, it takes a big man to admit his wrongs, and an even bigger person to put a stop to it, you did a brave thing, and you will feel better for it.
who would want me. ( Everyone, when you feel sad and you are feeling low, you give off a negative vibes towards people, and they can sense it, try and go out with friends, start enjoying what you have, make people laugh, try and get your confidence back, and you will notice how many people want to be your friend.
I have had three nervous breakdowns one recently. ( I am on medication myself, as I am not well, but i`m getting through it, and you can too, theres no such things as CAN`T, but there is such a thing as CAN)
I lose touch with reality because my brain is producing to much cemical. ( If you explain to the doctor, he will give you medication to control it, and it will make you feel better )
I think of sueiside but cant because of my family. ( Please dont even think of that, imagine your life as a pond, if you did something silly, the effects would create a ripple in the pond, and it would affect so many people, probably more than what you think, your here, your alive, you survived bad things, use that experience to help others who have been through the same.
I need love for a change. ( You will find love when you least expect it, and when it happens, it will give you so much confidence, and make you a better person.
You are a very nice guy, and I just know that your going to be alright.
I`ve been to the dark side of hell, but I`m on my way out
I hate that I have homosexual tendincies.
I was bullyied right through school
I get abuse when I go out at night so dont anymore
I have forgiven but it still makes me cry
who would want me
I think of sueiside but cant because of my family
I need love for a change
I feel for you a lot on these things that you said (in particular the ones I quoted) I used to get hit and beaten up a lot in high school and also fealt sometimes like committing suicide in my younger years. The way I overcame though is by speaking with my family, friends, and religious officials. For you, I know that it must be tough that your friends have passed away but I think that there is still hope if you seek help from someone at a church nearby you and of course if you pray to Jesus, because he is always willing to be our friend.
For the part that you said about "I have forgiven but it still makes me cry" just remember what Jesus said when they nailed him to the cross: "Forgive them father, they know not what they do". People are like this too in our everyday world, remember that some of the people who make fun of you or hurt you do not truly know the real you. They only see the outside part, the "homosexual tendencies" part you mentioned (I should know, people say I walk and talk like a girl). In any case remember that it's important to draw strength from the support of those around you. Plus if it helps, I'm here too if you ever want to talk about it. Heck, this is why I joined the forum: to speak with other Christians/believers when I feel sad or scared.
There is no easy answer. There is no easy path. You are on a good site to get some constructive answers. Lean on the ones that help. I don't think it is as easy as saying picking up the pieces and move on. IT can take a long time to pick up those pieces. But you can do it. Please think about counseling. I have been a victim of abuse and have had a lot of help through the years. Counseling, friends, group, Christian friend, Church have all been a source of strength. Check out Pastor T.D. Jakes study Bible Woman Thou Art Loosed and his nonfiction book of the same title. There is a lot of strength there. I also think that sometimes you have to address the past and deal with it to move into the future. But dealing with the past can bring up a lot of issues and it you need a strong support system as you go through that. You can do it. God Bless you.
Let me first appologize for not responding sooner. I had read your post several days ago, but I felt compelled to pray on your post before responding. I have this way of feeling others pain and when I read your post, I took on your pain. I had to step back and work through it with God before I came back to post.
I come from a history of sexual abuse and I grew up in complete and utter turmoil. There were times that my pain was unbearable that suicide was an attractive thought. I kept going forward because of family. I did not know the Lord back then.
We live in world where God gave us free will and choice. As a result, many have chosen their own will over God's will. Many of these godless people have been abused themselves and grow up filled with hate and anger and with little, if any, positive image of themselves. The image they have is distorted. The hurt and lost, without God, grow up in either self-contempt or outward contempt. The outward contempt creates more victims. You, the others on this forum, and I are victim's of that outward contempt. Godless people are easy prey for Satan's will and evil work. The lost who have fallen prey to Satan become his terroists. Some even use God to fulfill Satan's will.
There are more God-filled people in this world. Praise the Lord. I ask you to seek them out and to seek God for recovery and resoration of your hurting soul.
I have made several blog posts that you may benefit from. Two that I think may give you hope in your quest for healing and peace. One post is titled "The Power of Now." If we are to die to self and grow in the image of God, we cannot look back. The past is filled with hurt and pain, anger, which is born out of thoughts of self. The past is gone and to die to self means we leave the past in the past. The future belongs to God for He is in control. God has given us the gift of "now!" Past and future are an illusion of time in our minds. The only thing that is real is "now."
The second post, I have two, which emphasizes our struggles with image of ourselves. If we are to be born again in God, we must discard our old notion of self-image which is defined by things of this world - defined by fleshly concepts. We must replace our self-image with the image that God made us in - His own image. We need to develop our God-image.
God made us and God makes no mistakes. Everything he does and creates is perfect. You are His creation and you are perfect in His eyes. You are His masterpiece. Believe that for that is truth. You were made in His image. You are beautiful. I ask you to let go of the past and stay present in God in the here and now. Now is where salvation happens and growth of our God spirit grows.
Hanging on to the past and the pain of the past is a choice. I ask you as a sister in christ to let it go right now and move toward healing and restoration. You deserve happiness, peace and love. You can only experience these Godly gifts if you let go of past and future.
You are here right now. You are God's masterpiece. You are beautiful. Don't ever forget that.
As brother's and sisters in christ, we love you unconditionally and pray that you find peace within yourself and learn to love you inside and out - your God image.
Hang in there. We are here for you to offer support, truth, love and caring.
May you find God's peace in your beautiful heart.
God Bless You right now in every aspect of your life,
Kim
inhisgripkim, Hey I want to commend you on this helpful reply. It is beautiful, comforting and well thought out. I really hope it helped artjack. Either way I believe God has really blessed you. (2 Corinthians 1:4) Thank you.
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