took a big step today

Loopi · #1 18th July 2005, 03:52 PM

today has been a really hard day today.

Last night my boyf made the mistake of accidentally calling me something bad last night, and it made me cry when i walked off. He really is the sweetest most caring guy, and i care about him loads and know that he cares about me loads, and i didnt want it to come between us.

So i text him last night asking to talk. I realised i needed to tell him a brief outline of my past.

So he came over today, and we talked, it started of with me confronting him about last night, and him telling me he was sorry. Which was cool. Then i felt really sick inside, and was like, i really need to tell you this...and i just basically told him that i was sexually abused by my best mate when i was younger. And flip he really was understanding. He didnt push me into telling him anymore than i did, and he didnt ask questions. he was really understanding in the respect of saying if i feel uncomfortable with anything then to tell him, which helps a lot, but is gonna take time for me being able to get used to.

Since telling him tho ive had a lot of flashbacks and stuff, which isnt good. Im trying to deal with them but its not really working.i just see my abuser in the past scenario or in a new one, and its really freaking me out.

Still, in a step of faith, ive taken a step that i know has strengthened me and my boyf's relationship. I just wish i knew how to deal with how i feel now.

marli · #2 18th July 2005, 10:33 PM

It's so wonderful that you've been able to work out your problem by talking, and it truly was a big step in the right direction in telling someone about your past. Your boyfriend sounds like a great person... is he Christian? I'm praying with all my heart that your boyfriend is or will become someone you can trust totally, that your open relationship will help you trust people more easily as well (it's difficult for many of us to achieve), and that God is at its center.

luv4godremains · #3 19th July 2005, 04:20 PM

hey, Loopi, well done, I'm soo proud of ya angel!
God bless, I'll be praying for ya, that God would ease our pain and make things clearer in your mind!

Daisysqueaks · #4 19th July 2005, 08:08 PM

Loopi I am praying for you sweetie! I know what you are going through. I remember vividly telling my boyfriend about my abuse. I had rehearsed it time and time again in my head. There were several times that I wanted to tell him, but I would stop myself before he even knew that I was going to disclose my abuse or I would make like something else was bothering me. Finally the morning that I told him it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But he did as your bf did and didn't question or ask for details. He did get mad at my abuser though and wanted to hurt him. (Thankfully in the end he didn't) Long story short. My boyfriend became my husband and we have now been together for 14 1/2 yrs and married 12!! I will say that we have had some very tough times. Flashbacks are actually good although VERY hard to go through at the time. It says you are ready to heal and get past the pain. Although I still have flashbacks they are very few and far between now. I am very thankful to the man that God put in my life. I pray that this one is the same for you. I also pray for your pain and I pray that your boyf will be understanding and is there to help you through this painful period in your life.

Katie12 · #5 27th July 2005, 02:52 PM

Loopi i understand whats going on,ive lost some friends and made alot of friends telling my story.I think the more i tell it helps me get stronger because it shows that you can deal with it and your afraid to talk but you still have the courage to talk,and that shows alot about that person.And it doesnt hurt to cry somtimes,i mean thats the whole lil cycle thing,i mean when my first real friend found out,it scared him to death and now we couldnt be closer.Just have faith and talk about it

.It'll all be ok

.Ill be praying to

.

blesse be
Katie