glad to be a survivor

I was attacked three years ago by a stranger in my home. He was masturbating and woke me up rubbing my leg. I was in bed with my them 3 year old daughter.

He felt me up and left a sample on the carpet before i convinced him to leave. DNA pointed to a local pervert and he's now in prison for 5 years.

I'm left with nightmares and anxiety that at times is overwhelming, but am thankful my child seems healed from the events that night.

I hold anger for the local PD as they were clueless and acted as though i was to blame when i didn't even know the guy. I had never even seen him before.

Anyways, the criminal is the proverbial extra in all of my dreams... the guy I walk by, the pizza delivery man, the bus driver, etc, etc.

If anyone is out there... how do you cope?

I'm afraid I can't help with how you survive, but, I know that this kind of thing is hard, most things in life are! I'll be praying for you and am glad you are alive, and that your glad your alive!
keep your head up and remember that God loves you and is always with you! he will use this for something good! whether you know it or not!
feel free to PM me about anything!

You're telling me!

Yes, God was with me. I felt him there that night helping to protect me and whispering in my ear what to do <-- literally.

I am thankful each and every day that I was not killed, raped or mammed in any physical way.

I think I may have some type of post traumatic stress disorder as I emotionally can't seem to climb the wall. I pray and ask for prayer that when the criminal is returned to society, that I don't go completely whacky again.

I'm a single mom. I need to stay strong and be a good role model for my baby.

I really admire your strength! I'll be praying for ya! if you ever wanna chat, PM me, I know I'm only 15, but I can still listen and pray for ya!
God bless

P.s. You sound slike a great mum and I'm sure your child loves you to death!

Jenelis...

Keep going...

Thank you both!

I believe that God deals us what we can handle. I believe that this event in my life was quite possibly the lesser of the evils and that I had left my life vulnerable. I have learned from this that things are not always as they seem-- (police are not always good, you can't trust everybody)-- and you have to seek people's true selves before you open up to them and trust them.

The bad parts-- I fear for my safety, I have horrible, vivid nightmares, I stay with a boyfriend I know I don't love.

So.... where from here?

wow... i know what its like to be taken advantage of by a stranger, luckily you got out of it. some dont and are scarred for life. i know something happened to me as a child, but i block out most parts. unfortunately, more and more of it is coming to me at the worst possible times.

God bless

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I think that fear, at least the chronic kind as opposed to the instinctual, goes away when you realize that it is based upon arbitrary projections of the future. Why are you afraid? Because you think an attacker is lurking behind every corner, who has been planning for months on how he or she is going to make you suffer. However, this is not reality. Reality is that most people are quite normal, maybe a bit imperfect, but not evil monsters by any stretch of the imagination. There are no monsters and no one person is the embodyment of Evil. Remeber the adage, "Don't make mountains out of molehills." Be realistic.

I read your post a couple of days ago, and it really touched my heart; in fact, that's what prompted me to enroll with ChristianForums.

Many years ago (1974), my parents and I were victims of a brutal assualt. Although this crime was non-sexual, the aftereffects were very similar to what you describe. Since then I have been touched by other smaller crimes, and have experienced the pitfalls of the police. Law enforcement is a difficult job and most of its officers are quiet heros, but a few definitely leave something to be desired (laziness and stupidity).

I understand you are also a Christian, and these ideas may be simplistic and obvious, but they are offered with Christian love, and I hope they help. Some are spiritual, and some are practical.

First, the spiritual: take your pain, fear, and anger to God in prayer. Be totally candid with Him about this crime and its effects, your nightmares, your boyfriend, and everything else that is not as it should be. Of course, God knows your problems and needs, but prayer is for us; it provides supernatural power that heals us and opens the door for God's peace to enter our hearts. Be sure to include genuine thankfulness; for you and your daughter's survival, for DNA analysis, and for little everyday things like a car that works. Thankfulness is essential for happiness. Finally (and most difficult), you must pray for and forgive the pervert. A good start might be praying for help to do so, and for his heart to change, so that he will allow Jesus to change him for the better. God is the only power that can redeem these people.

The best time I found for prayer was when the nightmares woke me up, or when I would lie awake wondering where my life was going. I will pray for you also, as I'm sure many others are doing.

Now, the practical: this guy will be getting out soon, if he isn't already (early release). This may be an issue if you haven't moved since the crime. Even if you have, there are plenty of other creeps and crooks. You might want to consider high-security locks on windows and doors (Medico locks are the best), and a security system. If you can have one, a dog helps a lot. Even little things like motion-detector lights outside make a difference.

Also, you might want to consider a self-defense course and/or weapons training. My wife and I did both, and we each sleep with a loaded handgun under our pillow. This is not as dangerous as people think, if you know what you're doing. Your daughter is at higher risk from riding in a car than by you having a gun, but people will tell you otherwise. Whatever you do, you have a moral obligation to protect your daughter and yourself. While the police have a duty to protect public safety as a whole, they are not obligated to protect any individual citizen.

And, of course, it takes time; it took me about 6 years to totally put it behind me.

Again, I hope this helps. May the peace of Christ be with you.

Jenelis, I sympathize with you. While I think some of what rogsr had to say was ok, I think that you are not making a mountain out of a molehill - this is impossible to do in a case where you are at home, a place we go to for safety and serenity, a place to unwind and feel most comfortable and you are violated - someone came into your home, without permission, and worse, snuck in, and did the most vile things to you - you are not making a mountain out a molehill when your place of refuge is no longer.

I agree with rogsr in that the majority of people are not like this man who did this to you - however, it's not knowing WHO or when that makes you feel so unsafe. And because most people are not like this, and this is not a situation that is commonplace, I do not agree with loaded guns in the home - under the pillow seems a bit far. Take back your power in the other ways that Darkhorse suggested as they are good ones - you need to regainyour assertiveness and take back the control that you once had in your home because this is your right. Forgiveness will help you let go and move on, have pity on this man - his life is going NOWHERE and he is his own worst enemy. And also this is YOUR choice to forgive. The self-defense courses will give you the confidence in yourself to know you are prepared to fight back if ever you need to, and to know you can be a strong protector for your daughter.
You do not need to be with a man you do not love for protection ( this will not help you or your daughter in the long run) - and I believe that after all you have been through, that adrenaline and refusal to be a victim again will take over and God will give you the tools you need to do some serious damage to the next person who ever thinks they can hurt you.

Take care of yourself, you have been through a LOT!

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