*is shocked at the crimes people will commit to make themselves feel good*
Wow, I know that if this sort of thing happened to me I'd be freaking out. I can imagine what it must have been like, the paralyzing fear...and the pain, in having to help your daughter deal with this...Knowing that whoever it was hurt her too, when he hurt you... God will always be here for you to lean on! Praying for you, sister.
__________________ Psalm 46:5 --God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at the break of day.
Psalm 121:1-2--I lift my eyes up to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
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Yes, God was with me. I felt him there that night helping to protect me and whispering in my ear what to do <-- literally.
I am thankful each and every day that I was not killed, raped or mammed in any physical way.
I think I may have some type of post traumatic stress disorder as I emotionally can't seem to climb the wall. I pray and ask for prayer that when the criminal is returned to society, that I don't go completely whacky again.
I'm a single mom. I need to stay strong and be a good role model for my baby.
God is always around us. Don't worry. Learn to be happy.
I want to thank each of you for your responses and the time you've spent thinking of me and praying for my healing. Please pray for my daughter as I truly fear her memories are repressed and will come out later (she's never really asked about the man's genitals which she clearly saw him playing with).
I have private messaged darkhorse several times and have taken some of his advice. Last year I moved to a gated community that is VERY private and we are loving the new surroundings. Praise God for my job and the ability to pay for this house. It is truly a blessing.
I don't in any way feel that I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. Sure, actually suffering through a rape or killing is the ultimate mountain, but my experience was pretty darn traumatic for both me and my little one. While I respect Rogs right to voice his opinion and appreciate his response, I've put it out of my mind.
I do pray for the criminal's recovery. But that doesn't mean i don't think he should pay for his crime. I think that's part of recovery-- for BOTH (or really ALL THREE) of us. I've been quite candid with the little one-- "the bad guy is in jail because the judge said that was his punishment for scaring us and doing something he knew was wrong." She made me proud when she gave her deposition to the court and I intend to make her continue to feel like a hero for being sooooo brave.
Well, enough from me. It's inevitably a life-long battle full of peaks and valleys!
Praise God for the good life brings and blame no one for the bad-- for those are life experiences to make you stronger!
For anyone who might be following this thread, I just found out that the criminal will be getting out of jail in a few months. I really am not ready to face that fear. Please think of us as I still deal with this daily.
I'm still here and praying for you, and I'm sure others are too!
Take a look at Psalm 91; It's one of my favorites. I'm sure you're familiar with it already.
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TY Darkhorse. I feel that I make strides from time to time. Hearing about his coming release date is like a huge weight on my shoulders.
I made contact with the local police department in St. Cloud and made them aware. I told them that despite the charges, they needed to be aware of him because he is a sexual predator whether they know it or not. That felt pretty good-- like a mother hen protecting the next victim.
I hope you are doing well. Take care & Keep in touch!
Hi Again! I know its just really me reading what I have to say about all this. I'm good with that.
So he was released about 5 weeks ago.
He lives about 5 miles from me. I've driven by twice. I think I just wanted to see the manner in which he would be living.
I thank God for technology. The alarm system leaves me less vulnerable at my most vulnerable time... that's while I am sleeping.
I STILL sit up nights thinking he's out there. The irony that his prison sentence is over and mine seems like I haven't even hit the part where they consider parole is so in my face.
I can't tell my daughter that he's been released. It would strike serious fear of retribution, I think. I think it because that's what I feel.
I was in church a few weeks back and the pastor was in the middle of a series on pornography. While mostly I felt like it was not really applying to me, I was happy to entertain the subject matter (in my head for all the males in the church who needed to hear the message). Well something the pastor said hit a note in my head that the criminal was adicted to porn and this is what caused him to attack me. I burst out into tears and basically was crying uncontrollably. This is HUGE for me because I am so reserved emotionally, at least on the outside.
Do you see why this is a big deal to me??? Its the first time I've even had the thought that something other than the criminal directly was responsible for the events of that night.
This is HUGE--- a HUGE step to recovery!
Its been 5 1/2 years since that night. I remember it like it was last night and suspect that my memory of the events will never fade.
Just basically living each day as it comes in the area of recovery.
It's on my mind.
Thanks for listening-- even if I'm the only one reading what I think anymore! Its still helpful for me to put it down on paper! <-- you know what I mean!
God remembers His wounded children and surrounds them with His love...
Praying for you!
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Darkhorse, you are a pillar. TY for your comments.
The criminal has now violated another person. Not in the same way, but his record now shows he had an altercation with someone. The charge is Robbery and then another charge for Battery on a Law Enforcement Officer. The good news for me-- there's a warrant out for his arrest and I don't think the system is going to give a light charge for battering a cop. So its a time game now.
Also, the orignial charges in my case have shown up again on the online system. This is good because he now looks like what he is, a sexual offender. This makes me happy because I beleive he will be sent back (eventually) to serve the entire sentence in my case.
Not exactly a christian attitide to want him just to rot in jail-- but I don't think there's much hope he'll repent or that he's sorry for anything.
To answer Lockguy - I had taken my daughter to a counselor following that night. She was so young and they jsut wanted to ask her about sexual things that I stopped it and we didn't go back. About a year later, I took her to a therapist who told me she was fine, but I was not. I just want to be a strong, independant woman-- and I just want to be able to handle it.
In fact, its best for me to not dwell. When I do is when I seem to have lapses into the past and major anxiety.
I am trying to give it up to God and let him sort it out for me. Easier said than done!
Praying for you, sister. 
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