Spanking: Hand or Paddle

redwing030 · #21 10th May 2005, 12:45 PM

I was always spanked with a hand, where my husband was always spanked with an object. We've discussed this. I feel a hand is more appropriate and he feels an object is better (go figure

). Well his reasoning for wanting to use an object rather than his hand is so that the kids will fear the paddle (or whatever) and not daddy. I think this will be something that we discuss more when the time comes but we've agreed that he will be the one who does the spanking so I might not have a ton of say in which way he chooses to carry it out.

andiesmama · #22 10th May 2005, 02:04 PM

Originally Posted by redwing030

Well his reasoning for wanting to use an object rather than his hand is so that the kids will fear the paddle (or whatever) and not daddy.

You know, I've heard that too...you just reminded me of it...hmmmm, something to consider!

redwing030 · #23 10th May 2005, 03:16 PM

Originally Posted by OreGal

I was spanked and hit with objects when I was younger. I know others disagree with me but I think hitting with an object is abuse (I was abused). I love Dr. Dobson and recommend him in so many areas but completely disagree with him on his views of spanking. Even though I don't spank my kids, I don't think a quick swat on the rear is abuse but I hope that somebody, some day makes hitting a child with an object illegal.

Just my thoughts.

I think that being hit with something and being spanked with something are two totally different things. Yes, I think hitting your child is abuse but spanking is not (unless you just go totally overborad with it then it may cross the line). When you hit someone it's out of anger and the point is to inflict pain. The point of spanking is to let them know that what they are doing is unacceptable and it's important that you're doing it at a time when you're not all pumped up and angry so that it doesn't cross that line.

Addicted2~Jesus · #24 10th May 2005, 03:18 PM

Originally Posted by OreGal

I was spanked and hit with objects when I was younger. I know others disagree with me but I think hitting with an object is abuse (I was abused). I love Dr. Dobson and recommend him in so many areas but completely disagree with him on his views of spanking. Even though I don't spank my kids, I don't think a quick swat on the rear is abuse but I hope that somebody, some day makes hitting a child with an object illegal.

Just my thoughts.

They already did, in canada.... an I think that's absouletly stupid. I agree with the poster who talked bout the child fearin the object an not the one doin the spankin I can understand that an even agree with it.

To often people do exactly what you are sayin.... to spank is to abuse... an that's simply wrong. No body seems to understand that to spank is not abuse and that there is a right way and a wrong way to spank. If someone is spankin out of anger or with intent to cause bodily injury or harm, yes I would agree it's abuse... If however; someone is usin a belt to discipline an correct the behavior of a child, how is this abuse?

Your statment sorta bends me the wrong way because it's simply wrong, or the conclusion one could draw from it. To spank, even with an object, is not immediate abuse. An the more folks cry out for a gov't entity to git involved, the more freedoms we lose and the more the government rasies our kids and not the parents.

Zoomer · #25 10th May 2005, 03:35 PM

Well his reasoning for wanting to use an object rather than his hand is so that the kids will fear the paddle (or whatever) and not daddy.

I don't think this is true. If spanking is done in love, then there is no reason to fear. My father was the one who discipline me, which included spanking. Ever since I was a child I've had more respect for my father than my mother, who never disciplined me. I still to this day have more respect for my father. Not once was I afraid of him, it was actually opposite. I went to him when I had problems.
I also think that if you spank with an object, that object can become one of fear. My husband does not like wooden spoons to this day.

redwing030 · #26 10th May 2005, 03:43 PM

Originally Posted by Zoomer

I don't think this is true. If spanking is done in love, then there is no reason to fear. My father was the one who discipline me, which included spanking. Ever since I was a child I've had more respect for my father than my mother, who never disciplined me. I still to this day have more respect for my father. Not once was I afraid of him, it was actually opposite. I went to him when I had problems.
I also think that if you spank with an object, that object can become one of fear. My husband does not like wooden spoons to this day.

You're kinda talking in circles. You first say that if spanking is done in love then you don't fear but then you say that your husband doesn't like wooden spoons to this day because he was afraid of them growing up. Are you saying that he wasn't spanked in love because it was an object rather than a hand? I am kinda confused.

And yeah, I did "fear" my dad when I did the wrong thing knowing I'd get spanked from it. Regardless of if you're spanked with a hand or an object I think kids will fear getting the spanking, even the ones done in love. I think that's kinda why spanking is effective. Don't do anything bad, don't get a spanking kinda mind set.

Entertaining_Angels · #27 10th May 2005, 04:09 PM

well, if you reread my post, like I said, I don't believe a quick swat on the tush is abuse. I do, however, believe it is abuse when an object is used and that no longer becomes a spanking in my mind.

So, I guess for many of us, we just disagree on the line that differentiates between spanking and abuse. I've never met anybody who felt that a quick swat on the tush was abuse and I know CPS would just shake their heads if somebody reported that. But, where we differ is where spanking ends and abuse begins. For me, the line is drawn where it is no longer a quick swat on the rear with a hand.

Again, we're all entitled to our own opinions on this one.

Entertaining_Angels · #28 10th May 2005, 05:10 PM

Okay, I decided to dig out my "Becoming the Parent God wants you to be" book by Dr. Leman. I knew that I really agreed with his methods of discipline and wanted to read again what he said about spanking...I'll share a bit of it since it really sums up how I feel about spanking:

"Can pulling the rug out and letting children experience the consequences ever include spanking? Yes, I believe there are times a spanking is an appropriate response, but it rarely should be the first response. Here are some things to consider:

- have you tried some other form of Reality Discipline? If the answer is yes and the child is still willfully disobedient and defiant, a spanking may be in order.

- spanking is most appropriate for children in the two to seven range. Children two years and younger should never be swatted. Conceptually they don't understand what is happening. Also spanking is totally inadvisable for children older than ten. Other consequences are more appropriate and more effective for adolescents and teenagers.

- spanking should consist of two or three swats to the bottom, followed by holding the child and assuring them of your love.

- I personally believe that you should use your hand rather than a neutral object, so that you are aware of how much pain is afflicted

- always take the child to a private place, never humiliate your child in public

- never spank more when you are angry. A spanking should be a thoughtful action, not a hot-headed reaction to something that upsets you. A child should never be slapped, hit, punched or kicked. Also, avoid spanking if you were abused as a child.

- no child is going to be harmed by an occasional spanking that follows the guidelines above. However, if you find you are spanking your children daily, back off and reevaluate the situation. Are your children getting lots of love, acceptance and encouragement? Get professional counselling if needed.

Now, before some of you take out your ballpoint and let me know a thing or two about how spanking teaches violence to children, please consider the following. Did you know that those studies that blast spanking are based on kids who have been spanked at least twice a week? Sande and I have raised five children, and the total number of spankings given was a whopping eight! Rather a dramatic contrast from spanking your child 104 times a year. If all you are doing as a parent is spanking your children, then there is something wrong with your relationship."

-------------

anyhow, I agree with this author entirely. I think if you cannot remember each and every time you've spanked your child, there could be a serious problem especially if you spank daily. Granted my son is only six and my daughter only two but they only get a couple time outs a week so I cannot fathom why anybody would need to spank daily. I was spanked daily but I had a very young mother who didn't really know any other way to cope.

Zoomer · #29 11th May 2005, 08:38 AM

You're kinda talking in circles. You first say that if spanking is done in love then you don't fear but then you say that your husband doesn't like wooden spoons to this day because he was afraid of them growing up. Are you saying that he wasn't spanked in love because it was an object rather than a hand? I am kinda confused.

My husband wasn't spanked out of love but anger, everytime he sees a wooden spoon he is reminded of spanking. What I am trying to say is that it is how that spanking is done, not what it is done with. Someone was trying to say that an object is better because it is not associated with the parent. That is simply not true. Like I said my father spanked with his hand and I never feared him. It's the punishment that I did not enjoy. I just do not think it is right to spank with an object.

jusluvm · #30 11th May 2005, 10:45 AM

I don't spank very often, but when I do I use a paddle. (My husband made it for me, very thin and light, not even 1/4" thick, can't hit very hard with it or it'll break!) I actually don't think the paddle hurts physically more than my hand, but they do know it is a serious offence when it's used.

Spankings are always serious business with lots of discussion beforehand. I usually have my child sit down for a while before a spanking and think about what they have done and understand why their actions warrant a spanking. It also gives me time to get a real perspective on the situation. I never spank when I'm mad. If I'm really mad, they may have to sit for an hour --- or more. So be it.

Like I said, I don't spank very often, but they do know I will and they do know exactly how it's going to happen---same thing everytime, not just swatting around whenever the mood strikes me. My mother did the swatting and slapping thing, and yes, we did duck and dodge every time she raised a hand or waved an arm!