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  #1  
Old 28th April 2005, 07:52 PM
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Is my pastor's behavior appropriate?

I moved to southern Louisiana a couple of years ago, and my wife and I started visiting churches a few months ago. My only experience with church growing up was in the Baptist denomination. My wife really hasn't been exposed to "organized" religion. Anyway, our search for a church has been centered entirely on Baptist churches. FWIW, if this adds any relevance, we're both in our 20's and have a toddler.

After visiting a couple of churches, we narrowed our decision down and started attending the local First Baptist Church. This is a fairly small church--about 40 people on any given Sunday. The average age of its members is about 65 years. In fact, I think we're the youngest in attendance. The pastor, again about 65 years old, is very friendly, open, and an all-around nice guy. He always makes a gesture to us at the start of every service. If the gesture were spoken, it would probably go, "Welcome. I'm glad to see you both here. We need more younger folks like yourselves. Thanks for coming." Again, a very amiable person. We also enjoy his sermons very much (isn't that what's most important!?).

So, my question. A couple of weekends ago, I came down with a nasty cold, and my wife decided to take my son and go to church by herself for the first time (we had only been there about 3 times by then). When the service was over, my wife gets our son from the nursery and goes to the car. Son's in his car seat and my wife is in the driver's seat. She was about to pull out of the parking spot when the pastor taps on the window. She was a little startled and rolled down the window. I think he told her thanks for coming, etc. She mentioned why she had come alone and the usual chit chat. Before they parted ways, she said he leaned in to give her a peck on the cheek. You know, kind of like you'd do in Europe when you greet someone, except only once (not both sides). Of course, he's not European (and did I mention, he's a pastor...)--he's down home southern folk. So, my wife told me about this because she didn't know what to make of it. She asked if that's how Baptists are, i.e. very friendly. She thought maybe it's just how some people do things in the South. I really didn't know what to tell her, but I don't really feel it was the appropriate thing to do. Obviously, I'm not worried about the pastor running away with my wife or anything. I'm just wondering what your opinions are of this. I mean, I wouldn't expect that a 30-year-old male pastor would kiss a female member of his congregation. But is it excusable that the pastor is an older, country gentleman? Obviously, I'm trying to decide whether to keep going to this church. I really like the atmosphere and the sermons.
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  #2  
Old 28th April 2005, 07:55 PM
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I would definatly say, THAT is not a very smart pastor.
I would ask him about it. That was your wife he was peckin!
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Old 28th April 2005, 08:05 PM
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Before they parted ways, she said he leaned in to give her a peck on the cheek.
Once, when I was in college, my boss gave me a ride to school because it was raining and too cold to stand out at the bus stop. When he dropped me off, I almost leaned over and gave him a kiss. I didn't do it because I loved him or anything, but because normally my boyfriend would drive me and I'd kiss him before I got out of the car. It was a reflex. I stopped myself just in time, but it was weird for both of us. I was very embarassed, but he said his wife always gave him a kiss before getting out of the car so it seemed reflexive to him, too and not to worry about it.

I bet that's what happened with your pastor. He might normally give his wife a kiss before she drives away (a lot of pastor's wives drive separately to church so they can go home and get lunch ready while he finishes up business at the church) and he just did it as a reflex and not to be fresh with your wife or anything.
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Old 28th April 2005, 08:08 PM
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Sounds like a "grandpa" kind of kiss to me....

I've been kissed on the cheek by similar pastor types and did not at all get the "yucchy old man" vibe.

Did she get a yucchy old man vibe?

And yes, there is some sort of double standard - I'd be much more likely to deck your younger brother than your dad.

Greet one another with a holy kiss, and all that.

Constance
  #5  
Old 28th April 2005, 08:14 PM
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Originally Posted by constance
Sounds like a "grandpa" kind of kiss to me....

I've been kissed on the cheek by similar pastor types and did not at all get the "yucchy old man" vibe.

Did she get a yucchy old man vibe?

And yes, there is some sort of double standard - I'd be much more likely to deck your younger brother than your dad.

Greet one another with a holy kiss, and all that.

Constance
Nah, I don't think she got the "yucchy old man trying to make a move" vibe. My first impression was of the "ol' granpa" type. When she gets back from visiting her parents in a few days, I'm gonna have her read this thread and see how she looks at it. I'll let her make the final decision on whether we go back or not.
  #6  
Old 28th April 2005, 08:55 PM
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Originally Posted by filly
Nah, I don't think she got the "yucchy old man trying to make a move" vibe. My first impression was of the "ol' granpa" type. When she gets back from visiting her parents in a few days, I'm gonna have her read this thread and see how she looks at it. I'll let her make the final decision on whether we go back or not.
I imagine that this pastor was just doing what is "normal" for him. My brother-in-law is a pastor in the South. He hugs all the old ladies as they leave on Sunday mornings. In fact, some of them are probably there more for the hug than the sermon.

You mentioned that this pastor is an older gentleman. He probably perceives you and your wife as being his kid's age.

I think you are wise in letting your wife make the decision since she is the one who was kissed and she knows just how it all happened.

BTW, I'm a pastor in a rural area in the North. People in this part of the country aren't generally comfortable with hugs and kisses (except some of the older folks). If I tried kissing anyone other than my wife I would probably be shot.

Sometimes I miss Southern sensibility and hospitality...but I'm glad to be where God wants me to be.


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  #7  
Old 28th April 2005, 09:36 PM
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This is a really hard call you know
I am a pretty huggy pastor
and if I know some one well I might give them a kiss on the cheek

Provisio always when Miss Bonnie is around and never EVER EVER in a sexual way

I think it might have been a bit forward since he does not seem to know you all real well yet. I think it was a judgment error on his part.

Blessings

Pastor George
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Old 28th April 2005, 09:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Nehemiah_Center
This is a really hard call you know
I am a pretty huggy pastor
and if I know some one well I might give them a kiss on the cheek

Provisio always when Miss Bonnie is around and never EVER EVER in a sexual way

I think it might have been a bit forward since he does not seem to know you all real well yet. I think it was a judgment error on his part.

Blessings

Pastor George
Should this at all discredit the legitimacy of this pastor? I have OCD, and I can already tell I could turn this into some huge problem in my head: Is he a true man of God? If I am saved and baptized while at this church, will I truly be saved? And on and on and on. I can see it coming. In other words, would a real, sincere, pastor working for God kiss members of his congregation? OCD is terrible. I'll have to ask my wife to make a judgement call on the nature of the "peck."
  #9  
Old 28th April 2005, 09:52 PM
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Originally Posted by filly
Should this at all discredit the legitimacy of this pastor? I have OCD, and I can already tell I could turn this into some huge problem in my head: Is he a true man of God? If I am saved and baptized while at this church, will I truly be saved? And on and on and on. I can see it coming. In other words, would a real, sincere, pastor working for God kiss members of his congregation? OCD is terrible. I'll have to ask my wife to make a judgement call on the nature of the "peck."
It certainly sounds like you need to talk to your wife. She's your rock, isn't she? I feel like that too some times.

In several places, the Bible says, "Greet one another with a holy kiss" or "with a kiss of love".

Pray about it, and I'll pray for you.

Constance
  #10  
Old 28th April 2005, 09:54 PM
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Would a pastor kiss his congregation yeah I think some would it is a judgement call however if he is just a physical person and this is something you don't want you need to simply say look that makes me uncomfortable.

As for the rest being saved or baptized

lets change the discussion


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Lets have a talk!

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