notofthisworld, you feel backsliden because you have been conditioned to believe that if you are not in a building on sunday with other Christians you will backslide and eventually turn away from God.
But goodgirl has seen something about you that contradicts what you see about yourself.
You ARE passionate for God, otherwise you wouldn't be feeling the way you do.
When I used to attend 'church', this used to be their favourite tactic to keep me coming back, every sunday rain, hail or shine.
"The church is like a big roaring fire, made up of little bits of coal.
each one of you is one of those little bits of coal.
When you stop attending church, it's like taking one of those little bits of coal out of the roaring fire.
And what happens to the coal when it is seperated from the fire and other coals.
It cools down and finally becomes cold and dead.
So don't leave otherwise you will die"
ARGH.. how annoying is that !
What they are saying is that God only operates through people inside 'church' buildings.
It's even on the verge of saying that the 'church' is your foundation instead of Christ.
Well all the fire I have inside me comes directly from my Father and God.
And I am filled when I spend quailty time alone with Him.
And what about the personel deep intimate time with God, which is where we grow, how can you develop this in a 'church' environment.
Oh..and then they'll bring out the heavy artillary and quote scripture like this one.
"Do not forsake the gathering together of the bretheren or something like that"
But that scripture was spoken when Christians used to gather together in homes,
in small numbers and were able to really get to know each other and care for each other.
But todays mentality is , bigger must mean better right ?
Well as I said before notofthisworld, when you and I are fellowshipping in here with the others,
we ARE gathering together and when we do that ,He IS here in the midst of us.
As you have already experienced.
I haven't been in a 'church' building situation for ...hmmm...2 years now yet, strangely enough I'm still on fire,
actually on more fire than when I used to be a church goer.
Of course that does not mean that this is the path that God wants you to take.
That would be foolish and presumptuous to think such a thing.
I shared this with you just to let you know that GOD will be with you no matter where you are or who you are with.
I also was so conditioned that I really doubted for a while that separating myself for a season was right, biblical, the will of God.
Everyone told me I was wrong, but they were just repeating what they had been taught from the pulpit and had never actually thought about it for themselves.
And when confronted or challenged about thier belief , they had no answers but would just quote scripture.
I am not the only one who has been called out of the church environment for a season.
There are many of us and sadly and joyfully we are labeled all sorts of things.
But glory to God because I know my God and on the secure rock Of Jesus Christ do I stand.
When my world collapsed and God asked me to be myself so He could fix me up,
I was still attending a church and I did as God asked and I started to throw off the imitation image of christianity
that we so easily put on to be acceptable to our peers and to fit in to the christian culture.
Nobody in my church could understand what was happening to me, all they could see was that I was losing it,
because I wasn't conforming to the image of what they percieved was correct behaviour, dress etc for a christian, except two people.
Who hahaha happened to be the most respected elders of the church.
They would come up to me and laugh about my anti conformist behaviour and then look into my eyes and say,
God is doing something with you, we know because we were labeled as fanatics in our 20ies many years ago.
Got a bit sided tracked, sorry.
The only thing God is concerned about with you at this moment is your pain and confusion. Stop worrying about all the other issues.
All He can see is you and all He wants is to take care of you, but you must allow Him, I know it feels strange to be the centre of His attention when the world is falling apart around us and others are hurting just as much or more.
Would you not drop everything to comfort and tend to the wounds of your child who has fallen over and is bleeding and distressed ?
Then allow God the pleasure of doing that for you.