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Hey - I am going through almost exactly the same thing, and I'm sorry you're in this pain. I'm currently agnostic too...I think an idea would be to try and get help again for your OCD. Are you being treated?

I'm agnostic at the moment. I'm talking about that I'm worried about committing the unforgivable sin in Christianity, but I also mention that I could not look for God in Christianity as I am afraid of committing shirk, the unforgivable sin in Islam which also scares me.

Don't say because I love God I'm safe, I can't have committed it, I feel guilty. I don't love God, not yet, and I don't feel guilty. I wish I did, but I'm asking out of fear.

The unforgivable sin. I used to be looking for God to become a Christian, then got scared as in Islam the unforgivable sin is shirk, which includes believing in the Trinity. Some Muslims believe it's forgivable before death but some don't. So now I don't know what I believe. Someone suggested I...

Exactly - I'm so fed up of my OCD, yet I don't get treated for it so perhaps I am partly responsible. )': I'm sorry for you *hugs*

ever you have a bad thought--however bad it is--DO NOT TURN FROM GOD. Not even for one second. Pray about it. Turn to Him and to His Word first for comfort and help. - Jennifer, I always have a run of thought after thought, millions over and over. Surely I don't have to pray after each one?

So I'm also terrified of commiting an unforgivable a sin in other religions..

But I'm NOT a true Christian :'( I haven't found God yet - I feel like I only come out of fear :'(

And am I sinning when I get the blasphemous thoughts? :s Because people say they're not mine but they feel so strongly like they are. :'( It's kind of like...if someone told you not to think of a red insect...and you then do. I expect you all just thought of red insects...it's a bit like that...

I never know when to tell when it's God or my OCD, but I feel so awful at the moment. My prayer is based on how many times I say "please." I'll get thoughts coming to my head like "it's good to repeat prayer," so I'll repeat my prayer about a million times or evne like "maybe God only listens to...

But isn't it my fault because I could get help and I don't? Because I'm too scared?

I get blasphemous thoughts to do with the Holy Spirit because of my scrupulosity..but I'm too scared to ask for help. Does this mean it's my fault indirectly, if you know what I mean? More than just scared...I'm ashamed, scared of talking about something serious. Of God.

Mm, but I'm not a strong enough person to do so. Tell them, that is. I want to keep up my strong image, and that's why I don't tell them, which doesn't make me strong - if that makes sense. I can't tell them, they might not even believe me because I've been hiding behind a smile for so long...

My family would be all serious and worried and it would be horrible. I don't really want their pity.. But I feel like I'm back where I started - started wondering whether Islam was right and not Christianity - how am I meant to know?

I've heard that story before :) But I can't anyway, because I...I don't even know why exactly, I just can't tell anyone. :s

There's more. My OCD. Scrupulosity. Makes me obsessed with if I'm sinning, gives me blasphemous thoughts. I feel scared because I just CAN'T tell anyone. Or about my depression. Haven't felt happy in like two years.

Sometimes I get scared God will somehow show them what I look like. As punishment. I know that's not neccesarily true..

That's why I make friends with people online, because they can't see me as I can't communicate in rl because I'm so self-conscious. But even they don't want me anymore. :'/ They don't want me because I'm so horrible but I can't change. ;'/ I try hard with them. To be a good friend. Even if...

I've prayed to change but what do I do? Carry on? I've been doing it for ages though and I'm running out of patience. I'm only 13 and most prayer seems like a chore for me and so is looking for God. I'm so unhappy as well as this and I can't cope. :'/ There's so many other things in my life. I...

I'm ashamed of letting people know about my looking for God. I don't want my family to know. I feel horrible, horrible, horrible but I can't CHANGE. :'/