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  1. C

    No inappropriate content or Masturbation for a Month! (2)

    The next time you feel really tempted to act out, make a list of everything you are feeling. The reason I suggest this is that every time someone acts our habitually they are trying to meet a need, or ease some kind of pain. If you can figure out what you are really trying to accomplish when...
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    When guys give up...

    Easier said than done, but if your wife is constantly giving you a failing grade, stop making her the grader. Your worth, my worth, anyone's worth, is not determined by a spouse, a father, a mother, or a boss...our worth is in God - and we are obviously worth something as he gave his Son as a...
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    Support for Joyful11

    T - More are following. The church which runs my recovery meetings (that's a big step up right there, isn't it?) also runs 'Iron Man Groups' which is simply focused on bringing men into community with each other for the purposes of accountability, growth, & friendship. I have talked with a...
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    No inappropriate content or Masturbation for a Month! (2)

    I had tried to post yesterday, but got caught in the thread split and lost what I had written. I just wanted to encourage all of you - I know exactly how difficult this battle is - I've fought it all my life. You can gain victory over it though - be accountable, understand your battle...
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    Support for Joyful11

    It's basically the contract that my wife and I put together, and we talked about on the other thread, a long time ago. It covers things like counseling, accountability relationships, the group I attend, sets specific boundaries around my actions etc. The way that we saw it is that we both...
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    Support for Joyful11

    That is great news J. How do you feel about everything? Has M sat down and put together a recovery plan? If not, I'd highly suggest he do that, and I'd encourage you to be a part of putting the plan together, and going through the plan on a fairly regular basis. Both my wife and I found...
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    No inappropriate content or Masturbation for a Month!

    I just want to take a minute to encourage all of you to keep walking tall, and keeping your struggle in the light. I really wish that at the beginning of my recovery I had been as wise. Barnabas, your comment about flirting with temptation really hit me hard. Despite nine months of sobriety...
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    Support for Joyful11

    dayknee - thanks for asking & remembering. Things are well...ever so slightly up in the air right now, but that's a good thing. When I am afraid to do things it's either because it's the wrong thing to do, or it's the right thing to do (not much help, am I?) If it were the wrong thing to do...
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    Support for Joyful11

    J - very encouraging news. I've said it before, but I see M's willingness to walk away from work as a huge step, and a huge answer to prayer. R8 - great point about spiritual warfare...on an encouraging note, Waking the Dead, (and just about every other one of Eldredge's books) has spiritual...
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    Support for Joyful11

    J - the last thing that you need to feel is selfish. You have gone through hell the last two and a half months (specifically), and I feel that I can speak for everyone in saying that it has, and will continue to be, a privilege to be able to walk along side of you, support you, and pray for you...
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    Support for Joyful11

    J, I just wanted to say that this is one of the most thoughtful, insightful, and touching posts I have read in a long time. I'm encouraged to see that you know the enemy is hard at work trying to destroy your marriage so the two of you will be unable to do the great things that God has in store...
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    Support for Joyful11

    Wow! That is great to hear, J. I pray that M will continue heading in the right direction.
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    Support for Joyful11

    Thanks for letting us know EXACTLY how we can be praying....
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    Support for Joyful11

    J - I'll be praying as well....I'm glad to hear that there is at least some talk of serious action (on M's part).
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    Support for Joyful11

    I am encouraged to hear this...sometimes radical action is necessary in order to get ourselves out of the pits we have dug for ourselves, I hope, and pray that M is ready for radical action.
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    Support for Joyful11

    M...you owe the other girl nothing. You do not owe her explanations, help working through this, clarity, or anything else. I strongly encourage you to cut ALL ties with her...if it means going to a supervisor and explaining everything in an attempt to eliminate a 'working relationship', do it...
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    Support for Joyful11

    Excellent point, Cory. There certainly are times where you need to simply let go and trust - whether the person deserves it or not. Much easier said than done though, I am sure. I still maintain that it's up to the one who has broken the trust to do anything, and everything possible to...
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    Support for Joyful11

    Running short on time, but I wanted to highlite this statement...originally I don't think my wife took enough time, or made me take enough time, before we re-united the first time around. As a result, I think I skated through my recovery for a long time, never really getting healthy. J, don't...
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    Simple Strange Question

    I'd ask her about the perfume...no need to get all passive aggressive about it. As Evangelina mentioned, don't accuse, simply say you saw it and ask where, or when, she got it.
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    Support for Joyful11

    Believe behavior, J. I think that is what guarded means....over the last year I have had to learn that whatever I say - be it about who I spend time with, what I watched on TV while my wife was gone, or something simple I was going to do - has to be true, and has to be followed through with...