I don't remember what it's called but I was diagnosed as being bipolar and schizophrenic, paranoid, with psychotic breaks, anxiety attacks, depression, manic attacks....there's other things but I can't remember them. I gave up taking my meds because I always felt out of it and I hated feeling that way. I spent a lot of time either sleeping or losing track of time. My pdoc had adjusted my meds numerous times but they never seemed to make any difference in the way I was doing so after years of trying every med on the market I quit taking them. The result of taking of all those meds is I now have receding gums. Anyways, since I decided to become a Christian I've ran into a problem. I know that one of the things I should do is go to Church but there is a problem with that. Not only am I physically disabled but because of the paranoia it makes it hard for me to be around people long periods of time. I start feeling like they're all watching me and they're out to get me. It gets to be too overwhelming. I don't think it would a good idea for me to freak out in the middle of services. I don't even go to the doctor unless I can go first thing in the morning because when too many people start showing up in the office it gets to uncomfortable for me. Even having strangers come into home is difficult because people I don't know make me feel like they're up to something. Logically I know this doesn't make sense but......how can I explain it? They told me one time when I was in the hospital that logic has nothing to do with it when one's mind is telling one something that makes total sense to them even it doesn't to anyone else. Thanks for reading this. I hope some of you can offer some suggestions.
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Kristen.NewCreation and FreeinChrist
Bipolar + Schiphrenia
- Thread starter The Walker
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blessedbethyname101
Active Member
Walker,
I understand your frustration with meds. I also have taken all the meds that were available. I first tried Risperidone, then went to Zyprexa. Then, Seroquel, geodon, and finally abilify which I am taking now. The problem I had was I was also taking Zoloft for depression, then took Depakote, then I developed symptoms of akathisia and took cogentin. Then, they thought I had anxiety so I was given a benzodiazepine called Ativan that had a short half-life and consequently I was popping them like candy and had some memory loss. Well, after all of these pharmacological interventions, I quit everything and became psychotic for about 6 years. Four of these years I did not take anything. I subsequently lost my job, became homeless, was estranged from my family, and just lost everything materialistically. However, I came to my senses while homeless and re-contacted my family since I was encouraged to do so by a Rescue Mission Social Worker and went home. While I was home, I went to the psychdoc and received abilify again. I re-started only on abilify and it took about three years before I felt as well as I do now. My abilify dose is about 15 mg and it helps tremendously with the paranoia, mania, and psychosis. I am living independently now and have a job. It is a almost a miracle if you had known me while I was off meds and to see me now being able to take care of myself.
My suggestion to you is not to give up hope finding the right medication, even if it is only one medication - antipsychotic medication especially. I know how you are now since I was off meds myself. I could not function and had to live at home with my family monitoring me. I felt like a prisoner at home since I was not allowed to drive but it helped me to focus on others aspects in my life. If you truly want to recover and live a life on your own without suffering from paranoia, delusions, and psychosis, I suggest to take medications again, even if it is only one medication. You have to work with your psychdoc and be firm about taking only one medication. Side effects from taking many medications is what affected me the most. I was overweight, had memory loss, had hair loss, etc. I was a mess basically from taking too many meds.
As for church, I would first try to become stable on a medication before attending church. My reasoning is if you suffer from paranoia while being with others, you are not going to fully enjoy what church can offer while you are unstable. I have been there and was also paranoid for awhile while I was off meds, and could not stand being with others due to the paranoia and delusions.
I hope and pray that you find the right medication to help you with your symptoms. Please be patient. I was given Haldol in the hospital and even though it is a chemical straitjacket, it did calm me down instantly. But, you don't need Haldol for instantaneous results. You need a medication to help you function as a person in this society. It took me three years to fully recover. Your recovery may take just as long. Thus, while you are recovering, I would find some things you like to do on your own- watching movies, reading books, computer games, learning a new skill, etc.
Then, when you feel good about yourself and don't suffer from positive symptoms, such as delusions, paranoia, hallucinations, then you should find a church to attend. If your family is Christian, please ask them to pray for you while you are recovering. Also,you can ask people here to pray for your recovery as well. God bless!
I understand your frustration with meds. I also have taken all the meds that were available. I first tried Risperidone, then went to Zyprexa. Then, Seroquel, geodon, and finally abilify which I am taking now. The problem I had was I was also taking Zoloft for depression, then took Depakote, then I developed symptoms of akathisia and took cogentin. Then, they thought I had anxiety so I was given a benzodiazepine called Ativan that had a short half-life and consequently I was popping them like candy and had some memory loss. Well, after all of these pharmacological interventions, I quit everything and became psychotic for about 6 years. Four of these years I did not take anything. I subsequently lost my job, became homeless, was estranged from my family, and just lost everything materialistically. However, I came to my senses while homeless and re-contacted my family since I was encouraged to do so by a Rescue Mission Social Worker and went home. While I was home, I went to the psychdoc and received abilify again. I re-started only on abilify and it took about three years before I felt as well as I do now. My abilify dose is about 15 mg and it helps tremendously with the paranoia, mania, and psychosis. I am living independently now and have a job. It is a almost a miracle if you had known me while I was off meds and to see me now being able to take care of myself.
My suggestion to you is not to give up hope finding the right medication, even if it is only one medication - antipsychotic medication especially. I know how you are now since I was off meds myself. I could not function and had to live at home with my family monitoring me. I felt like a prisoner at home since I was not allowed to drive but it helped me to focus on others aspects in my life. If you truly want to recover and live a life on your own without suffering from paranoia, delusions, and psychosis, I suggest to take medications again, even if it is only one medication. You have to work with your psychdoc and be firm about taking only one medication. Side effects from taking many medications is what affected me the most. I was overweight, had memory loss, had hair loss, etc. I was a mess basically from taking too many meds.
As for church, I would first try to become stable on a medication before attending church. My reasoning is if you suffer from paranoia while being with others, you are not going to fully enjoy what church can offer while you are unstable. I have been there and was also paranoid for awhile while I was off meds, and could not stand being with others due to the paranoia and delusions.
I hope and pray that you find the right medication to help you with your symptoms. Please be patient. I was given Haldol in the hospital and even though it is a chemical straitjacket, it did calm me down instantly. But, you don't need Haldol for instantaneous results. You need a medication to help you function as a person in this society. It took me three years to fully recover. Your recovery may take just as long. Thus, while you are recovering, I would find some things you like to do on your own- watching movies, reading books, computer games, learning a new skill, etc.
Then, when you feel good about yourself and don't suffer from positive symptoms, such as delusions, paranoia, hallucinations, then you should find a church to attend. If your family is Christian, please ask them to pray for you while you are recovering. Also,you can ask people here to pray for your recovery as well. God bless!
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I haven't lived on my own in many years. Not only due to my mental problems but, also, due to my physical disability. After I became physically disabled I was only able to get around with a wheelchair but as the years have gone by even being in a wheelchair for too many hours is difficult so I spend much of my waking hours in the bed. I wish I could still work but I gave that up years ago. I was doing some work online but here lately I just haven't felt up to it. I haven't taken any medicine in almost a year ago. I think. It's not that I'm adverse to taking medication. I just don't want to be a legal junkie. I've seen too many people who were those. I can't go back to my last pdoc because he discharged me after I wouldn't take the pharmacy he was prescribing me. I'm not sure where to turn because so many doctors don't take medicaid anymore. The hospital I used to go to when I had emergencies will only load me up on medications and then discharge me. I just don't know which way to turn. It's just hard to make good sound decisions right now. It's not that I'm doing bad all the time. But when I am....how can I put it? I just am.....
I want to find the right medication but, I first have to find the right pdoc. The one who won't load me up on meds. The one who will actually try to treat me and not just medicate me. Even with the other problems I have that seems to be the primary goal of most doctors. One of my doctors tries diet, vitamins, etc before he prescribes medications which does help with some things. Anyways, I just want to stop or at least slow down the symptoms so I can start to live again. Maybe then I'll be able to become more active again. Even if I can't get up and move around there are other ways to stay active.
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blessedbethyname101
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I empathize with your situation. I would try to take it one day at a time. Live each day as it it were God-given. I would not try to solve all of your problems at once. When you feel motivated, then do something constructive, such as finding a doctor who will take you as a patient and listen to you. I would solve each problem one at a time. God is there for you. Do you go to church? If not, may be listening to sermons by others on TV or the internet might help. I think being fed the Word is important. Also, do you have fellowship with other Christians? If not, may be you can ask the local church to make a visit to your home and talk with you. If you can't go to church because of your situation, then the local church usually makes an effort to visit those who can't. Finally, there must be a drop-in center like a club for those with mental illness near your area. They should be able to help also. http://clubhouse-intl.org/what-we-do/international-directory/
This is the link. Please put in your state and city. You should find something near you. I highly recommend going to a clubhouse since you can meet others in a similar situation there. Also, they have group meetings etc for those with mental illness and also have trips to go places locally. They should be able to accommodate you, meaning they should be able to come by and pick you up to go to the clubhouse. Please take care!
God bless!
This is the link. Please put in your state and city. You should find something near you. I highly recommend going to a clubhouse since you can meet others in a similar situation there. Also, they have group meetings etc for those with mental illness and also have trips to go places locally. They should be able to accommodate you, meaning they should be able to come by and pick you up to go to the clubhouse. Please take care!
God bless!
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Sorry for not answering you sooner but things have been a bit hectic. I'm not sure how I'm going to find a doctor because so many no longer take medicaid. I'm looking, though. I'm just not sure how long it will take me to find a new doctor. I'm not associated with any church. I used to be a Catholic but I quit going years ago because of I had problems with many of the practices in the church. I'm not sure what church to go to. Right now I'm watching a service online which is nondenominational. I don't know how to have fellowship with other Christians because I don't know any. My brother is a non-traditional Catholic but that is the only other person I know of faith. I'll check out the clubhouse idea it might be possible. I doubt it though because I live in a small town. Thank you for caring.
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God does not expect you to do what you cannot do. Having said that sometimes he does want you to try things, but he will help you if that is the case. Don't worry about it.
Some churches have "Small Groups" of (typically) 4-12 people that get together once/week for some reason, typically Bible study—sometimes primarily fellowship (spiritually-minded socializing). If you could find a small one, you might not have as bad of a reaction to it. The Bible studies I've been to welcomed people that were not from their church, but it seemed to be harder for them to continue to come, presumably, because they didn't feel like they were really part of the group (e.g., if the thing people are talking about is church-related). If you managed to go to one that you liked, they might not mind meeting in your home so that you didn't have to travel.
I also encourage you to not give up on medication. It is not unusual for finding the right of mix to take 10 years (unfortunately). There are clinics that serve low-income families, but what I really recommend is that you look for a Christian psychiatrist, and talk about how much you can/can't pay. All the Christian psychologists I've seen were willing to adjust their rates. I've heard instances where they only charged $80, $60, $40, and $20 per visit. I found ongoing therapy priceless for getting better (in case you haven't had that experience). I've only ever used psychiatrists for medication, actually. If you've had mental illness for very long, doctors should be more malleable in doing things your way. Some of them readily recognize you know far more about your condition than they do, but respect their experience with medication management. I stopped seeing a psychiatrist because he started believing in his judgment gathered from many patients more than what I told him about me. (I'd never met with him for therapy, just meds.)
If you make the living person Jesus Christ a part of every day, then you really shouldn't stress about failing to do things you think you "should" be doing. Read Scripture daily, believe what you read, talk to God about it. Make an effort to be obedient for things not impossible for you. God wants your heart more than your actions.
My church for a couple years was a good TV preacher. He taught about Jesus in keeping with mainstream Christianity, so a lot of it rang true compared to my own study of the Bible. But it is indeed important to be connecting with other Christians face-to-face regularly, although the face-to-face part doesn't necessarily need to be every week.
Some churches have "Small Groups" of (typically) 4-12 people that get together once/week for some reason, typically Bible study—sometimes primarily fellowship (spiritually-minded socializing). If you could find a small one, you might not have as bad of a reaction to it. The Bible studies I've been to welcomed people that were not from their church, but it seemed to be harder for them to continue to come, presumably, because they didn't feel like they were really part of the group (e.g., if the thing people are talking about is church-related). If you managed to go to one that you liked, they might not mind meeting in your home so that you didn't have to travel.
I also encourage you to not give up on medication. It is not unusual for finding the right of mix to take 10 years (unfortunately). There are clinics that serve low-income families, but what I really recommend is that you look for a Christian psychiatrist, and talk about how much you can/can't pay. All the Christian psychologists I've seen were willing to adjust their rates. I've heard instances where they only charged $80, $60, $40, and $20 per visit. I found ongoing therapy priceless for getting better (in case you haven't had that experience). I've only ever used psychiatrists for medication, actually. If you've had mental illness for very long, doctors should be more malleable in doing things your way. Some of them readily recognize you know far more about your condition than they do, but respect their experience with medication management. I stopped seeing a psychiatrist because he started believing in his judgment gathered from many patients more than what I told him about me. (I'd never met with him for therapy, just meds.)
If you make the living person Jesus Christ a part of every day, then you really shouldn't stress about failing to do things you think you "should" be doing. Read Scripture daily, believe what you read, talk to God about it. Make an effort to be obedient for things not impossible for you. God wants your heart more than your actions.
My church for a couple years was a good TV preacher. He taught about Jesus in keeping with mainstream Christianity, so a lot of it rang true compared to my own study of the Bible. But it is indeed important to be connecting with other Christians face-to-face regularly, although the face-to-face part doesn't necessarily need to be every week.
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I think some of my problem is guilt from not being able to go to church. I keep being told you have to go to church to be a Christian. I know the intentions of these people are good but I don't think they know how much harm they do. There times that things prevent some of us from going to a physical church and by insisting that we have to to be a good Christian only causes a great deal of guilt. That in turn makes a lot people turn away from Christianity. If practicing Christians would just be supportive and allow the seeker to work into things at their own rate it would be better. This is not true of all Christians but of a vast majority it is.
Anyways, I'm slowly working towards inviting others into my home. It's just hard for me. I get worked up and I start thinking that they are there to spy on me and they are go to take my things......well the thoughts just get worse and worse....it'll take time but hopefully sooner or later I'll be able to do it.
I won't give on meds. I just don't want to become a legal junkie. Like I said before, I've seen too many of those in my time. That's one of the many reasons I quit the meds is because I got tired of being doped up. The doctor wasn't listening to me. He just wanted to load me up with pills. At the end I was taking something like ten different pills. I'll try looking for a Christian psychiatrist but that seems easier said than done. If I can't find a doctor that accepts medicaid it would be easier to find a one who charges on a sliding scale. Living on social security is difficult enough without having to figure out how to come up with a chunk of money to pay a doctor upfront. Especially since that can be one's grocery money for the month. I used a psychologist years ago but was always sent to psychiatrist after that. I've had mental illness for almost twenty years but I've never thought of using a psychologist/psychiatrist combo. I don't care though. Whatever will work.
Thanks for your suggestions about making Jesus a part of every day, not stressing the shoulds, read scripture, believe what I read, talk to God about the things I read(pray)......I think in a lot of ways you have summed up Christianity.
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bookofjade
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Anti psychotic meds are not the cure, the cure is information.
Your brain needs correct information to function right, if you don't absorb enough of it psychos is ahead.
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I don't think medicine should be the answer. It is often needed to assist to keep a person from having problems. Right now I am incapable of doing much more much more than being on a computer, reading or watching tv because I can't take being around other people but for short periods. If it takes medicine to help me with this so be it. Information is not going to pull me through this period. I am very well educated with my sickness.
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bookofjade
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I was talking about absorbing information period. Psychosis is caused when your brain lacks relative learning, you need to feed your mind with the correct information groups or it will malfunction.
The bible or church activities is simply not enough food for thought watch out for people who tell you "Just read the bible."
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Okay. Then you are correct. I believe one needs to read the Bible. But I also believe that one needs to spend one on one time with Jesus.
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In my years I have found some Christians who only read the Bible and commune with Jesus on Sunday or Saturday.
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Based on this, it sounds like the problem was the choices your doctor was making.
I've been on 3 different psychotropic meds (two at max strength) for more than a decade and am not addicted in any way (this is not just my perception), and the only time I feel any different than normal is when my insomnia med kicks in right before I climb into bed—and it takes me a few minutes after waking up to want to get out of bed (but if I do get up, I am normal). I have side effects, but they are the kind that ever make me feel "doped up." However, I do not have schizophrenia. Perhaps the common meds for that are the problem.
One place to start looking for a Christian psychiatrist is here.
Christianity is what you have when you genuinely believe in and trust Jesus (and what he said), and your decisions and actions follow that heart. God loves you and is expressing it (seen only by those with "eyes to see"). For a humble person, that's everything they need. Unfortunately most everyone isn't that humble and/or has trouble shedding the baggage of what they believe God expects from them.
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Basically you are correct that it was the choices my doctor was making. He seemed to be perfectly okay with me being in a fog all the time. I grew tired of spending so many years going from one medicine to another and always just being out of it so I quit all of them. Right or wrong I did. I just want to feel as normal as possible and live a decent life.
I think I understand what you're saying what Christianity is. Those are things I'll have to work towards. I believe and trust Jesus and what he says. I can't say my decisions and actions are always the best but I try. Hopefully they'll get better as I grow. I don't consider myself a humble person so I'm sure baggage that I need to shed in order to even be sure of what God wants of me.
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A step toward humility is just recognizing the difference between your capabilities and God's in such a way that it affects your thinking and actions. Another step is recognizing that everything good that we have has come from (and may be sustained by) God, and not of ourselves, and certainly not because we did anything to deserve the kind of blessings he gives. The result of genuinely recognizing this is an unforced thankfulness.
For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not? (1 Corinthians 4:7, 1984 NIV)
Anyway, I hope what you wanted from your original post got resolved. Otherwise, ask more questions.
For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not? (1 Corinthians 4:7, 1984 NIV)
Anyway, I hope what you wanted from your original post got resolved. Otherwise, ask more questions.
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blessedbethyname101
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To Walker,
Yes, medication is not a cure. It works for me though. However, some are not taking meds and live with the voices somehow. There is a movement called Intervoice. It is a group that claims to help people to live with their voices somehow. Eleanor Longden is one such person. I don't know whether to believe she has schizophrenia or just suffers from hearing voices. I really don't know, but it is worth to look into if you believe meds don't help you.
link
http://www.hearingvoicesusa.org/
I did not take meds and ended up in the hospital once a year. Thus, living with voices and taking no meds is not a solution for me. I need my med. I just take one but it makes a big difference. I am now living independently and living off the streets. Yes, I was homeless while off my meds. It sounds you're not taking meds now and sound rather stable. I don't know. But, you should do what is best for you. If you can get by without taking meds, and survive, this may be the best solution! I wish I could do this. But, this is not the path for me. I know I caused many people heartache by being psychotic for several years off meds. I also lost some precious time being off meds. Like I said before, I became homeless and needed to live with family for several years. I could not go out by myself etc. I wish you the best! May God walk with you always!
groups in usa
http://www.hearingvoicesusa.org/hvn-usa-groups-list/list/1
Yes, medication is not a cure. It works for me though. However, some are not taking meds and live with the voices somehow. There is a movement called Intervoice. It is a group that claims to help people to live with their voices somehow. Eleanor Longden is one such person. I don't know whether to believe she has schizophrenia or just suffers from hearing voices. I really don't know, but it is worth to look into if you believe meds don't help you.
link
http://www.hearingvoicesusa.org/
I did not take meds and ended up in the hospital once a year. Thus, living with voices and taking no meds is not a solution for me. I need my med. I just take one but it makes a big difference. I am now living independently and living off the streets. Yes, I was homeless while off my meds. It sounds you're not taking meds now and sound rather stable. I don't know. But, you should do what is best for you. If you can get by without taking meds, and survive, this may be the best solution! I wish I could do this. But, this is not the path for me. I know I caused many people heartache by being psychotic for several years off meds. I also lost some precious time being off meds. Like I said before, I became homeless and needed to live with family for several years. I could not go out by myself etc. I wish you the best! May God walk with you always!
groups in usa
http://www.hearingvoicesusa.org/hvn-usa-groups-list/list/1
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I'm not sure living without medicine is the answer for me. At times I am stable but at others I'm not. I don't understand someone saying they just live the voices. I really don't. Voices saying you're worthless...you should die...you'd be better off dead...to give up....or to kill people...how can one learn to live with that? When the voices start that with me I have to go into the hospital for my own protection. I have no choice. Fortunately that hasn't happened here lately. That might be because I've had to cut myself off from everybody but my brother because of my paranoia. I don't know. I just know that living the way I'm living is no way to live.
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I Googled it and found that what it's called when someone has symptoms of both bipolar and schizophrenia is called schizoaffective. I knew the name at one time but for the life of me couldn't recall it until I googled it.
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