Issue
Hey all, so I decided to make a choice to dedicate my life to Christ around late February this year
I felt like I didn't regret the decision and it was total joy (for the first few weeks at least)
Then just a week later around March 1, when I was praying, a thought came to mind - how do you know God really exists? then I suddenly started pondering on it (keep in mind I was a cradle believer, I was told about God by my religious aunts and I believed everything they said) and started to wonder ''yeah what if he isn't real?'' then it troubled me for 11 days exactly. Day and night I was searching up 'doubting God's existence'' and saw many articles which didn't help me, I felt like my doubts were irrational, fearful doubts rather than honest doubts.
I didn't want these thoughts. Every time I would debate (in my mind) whether God was real or not, with the part that said ''God doesn't exist'' winning. Then to my joy, I finally found an article that explained logical reasons on why God must exist and I was so happy that I thought 'after reading this, all my doubts were sure to be gone!' but nope they did not. I just had to keep reassuring myself that God does exist. It's like if I think something to be true then it must be true! But if I don't think it, then it probably isn't.
If I tried to counter it with reasons like ''But the Bible is true! So it means God exists!'' my mind would just counter it with absolutely ABSURD reasons like ''Oh the Bible was written by a guy just 8 years ago and is trying to deceive people with Christianity'' But that is probably the most illogical statement ever because Christianity has been around for over 2000 years already, yet I believed it and despite me trying to muster all my mental strength to disprove it, I can't seem to.
Another example is, in my Merchant of Venice book - in Shakespeare's biography, it stated that he was a Christian back in the 16th century. But then the same thought comes up ''Oh they just added it in to deceive us that Christianity was there before but it wasn't''
I don't know if this is useful extra info but
One day, still having these thoughts I decided to read the book of Exodus. I felt so at peace as my mind was occupied with the reading. I felt ''wow, what an awesome God!'' but then when the thoughts of ''this is fake, don't believe it'' I began arguing with myself again and it just instantly took away all the peace.
It's as if only when I'm not thinking about it that I can feel at peace. ''Well why don't you stop thinking about it then?'' it is easier said than done. I feel the constant need to disprove all my false beliefs and ensure myself again and again that I believe what I believe. Also, when I try to stop thinking about it and just actually try to focus it remains stubbornly in my head. I don't know if this is OCD or not, but I actually got convinced by it once. Within the first week I was like ''This is not true, God does exist!'' in the second week this changed to ''Yeah... maybe He doesn't exist'' the fact that I'm getting convinced by my thoughts is what bugs me. I read up about OCD and all and I rarely see OCD affected people get convinced by their irrational thoughts.
Next point (Also I'm really sorry for the long post)
I've managed to overcome that thought but the same issue occurs. Now the thoughts are not about God's existence but questions on his character. God is a holy, loving God and knowing this has always been a delight to me. But one day the thought popped into my head ''What if God was actually evil pretending to be good?'' and like the first thought (about God's existence) I started to list reasons on why it isn't true but true enough, the week after I began to be a little convinced by it.
Last time, if this question rang in my mind I'd easily laugh it off and not give it any of my time but now I actually need to constantly argue against these false beliefs. Now if anything negative pops into my mind concerning God or my loved ones (yes even this now ughhh) I always have to give it a second thought and ponder about it.
The only way I got rid of some of those is by just focusing on the present moment and sooner or later it just disappeared. BUT I want to know WHY I am even giving these thoughts a consideration in the first place. Is it gullibility? Lack of self confidence? Fear? OCD? Anxiety? Paranoid thoughts? Or all 5 of them?
Please help, I've been dealing with this for about 5 months already and it has been really distracting and ruining my life
Hey all, so I decided to make a choice to dedicate my life to Christ around late February this year
I felt like I didn't regret the decision and it was total joy (for the first few weeks at least)Then just a week later around March 1, when I was praying, a thought came to mind - how do you know God really exists? then I suddenly started pondering on it (keep in mind I was a cradle believer, I was told about God by my religious aunts and I believed everything they said) and started to wonder ''yeah what if he isn't real?
'' then it troubled me for 11 days exactly. Day and night I was searching up 'doubting God's existence'' and saw many articles which didn't help me, I felt like my doubts were irrational, fearful doubts rather than honest doubts. I didn't want these thoughts. Every time I would debate (in my mind) whether God was real or not, with the part that said ''God doesn't exist'' winning. Then to my joy, I finally found an article that explained logical reasons on why God must exist and I was so happy that I thought 'after reading this, all my doubts were sure to be gone!' but nope they did not. I just had to keep reassuring myself that God does exist. It's like if I think something to be true then it must be true! But if I don't think it, then it probably isn't.
If I tried to counter it with reasons like ''But the Bible is true! So it means God exists!'' my mind would just counter it with absolutely ABSURD reasons like ''Oh the Bible was written by a guy just 8 years ago and is trying to deceive people with Christianity'' But that is probably the most illogical statement ever because Christianity has been around for over 2000 years already, yet I believed it and despite me trying to muster all my mental strength to disprove it, I can't seem to.
Another example is, in my Merchant of Venice book - in Shakespeare's biography, it stated that he was a Christian back in the 16th century. But then the same thought comes up ''Oh they just added it in to deceive us that Christianity was there before but it wasn't''
I don't know if this is useful extra info but
One day, still having these thoughts I decided to read the book of Exodus. I felt so at peace as my mind was occupied with the reading. I felt ''wow, what an awesome God!'' but then when the thoughts of ''this is fake, don't believe it'' I began arguing with myself again and it just instantly took away all the peace.
It's as if only when I'm not thinking about it that I can feel at peace. ''Well why don't you stop thinking about it then?'' it is easier said than done. I feel the constant need to disprove all my false beliefs and ensure myself again and again that I believe what I believe. Also, when I try to stop thinking about it and just actually try to focus it remains stubbornly in my head. I don't know if this is OCD or not, but I actually got convinced by it once. Within the first week I was like ''This is not true, God does exist!'' in the second week this changed to ''Yeah... maybe He doesn't exist'' the fact that I'm getting convinced by my thoughts is what bugs me. I read up about OCD and all and I rarely see OCD affected people get convinced by their irrational thoughts.
Next point (Also I'm really sorry for the long post)
I've managed to overcome that thought but the same issue occurs. Now the thoughts are not about God's existence but questions on his character. God is a holy, loving God and knowing this has always been a delight to me. But one day the thought popped into my head ''What if God was actually evil pretending to be good?'' and like the first thought (about God's existence) I started to list reasons on why it isn't true but true enough, the week after I began to be a little convinced by it.
Last time, if this question rang in my mind I'd easily laugh it off and not give it any of my time but now I actually need to constantly argue against these false beliefs. Now if anything negative pops into my mind concerning God or my loved ones (yes even this now ughhh) I always have to give it a second thought and ponder about it.
The only way I got rid of some of those is by just focusing on the present moment and sooner or later it just disappeared. BUT I want to know WHY I am even giving these thoughts a consideration in the first place. Is it gullibility? Lack of self confidence? Fear? OCD? Anxiety? Paranoid thoughts? Or all 5 of them?
Please help, I've been dealing with this for about 5 months already and it has been really distracting and ruining my life
