Hello,
In 2010 I had my first ever manic episode, I had not slept 4 days due to anxiety. I had not ever suffered with depression before this. After that I crashed into suicidal depression. I stopped taking my medication and 4 months later had another manic episode, only this time after 6 days of no sleep. I was pretty much permanently in a mild state of depression after this, until earlier this year. I was only on a low dose of meds, 2.5mg Zyprexa.
In January this year I underwent a counseling session by someone using the Mace Energy Method, the counselor took me from depressed to euphoric in 2 hours, and gave me hope that I could be well.
At the end of February I stopped taking my meds again, only this time promising myself that if I got anxious and sleep deprived, I would take Zyprexa just to sleep. I was still mildly depressed, but I found my mind worked much better, and I was able to better cognitively work through issues I had and take a good look at myself and what I believed.
A month or so later I realized that although I was religious, I wasn't truly a Christian. I had been going to church most of my life and going through the motions of Christianity, going to church, etc. but I wasn't really living a liberated life.
I believed my salvation was about something I had to do. I thought my salvation depended on how good a person I was, how regularly I attended church, how often I prayed, how much I read my bible, how nice I was to other people, and how I had to speak to other people about Jesus. I wasn't very good at many of those things apart from perhaps regularly attending church.
I attended a Messianic fellowship for 2 years during the time I was medicated, up until about March this year. While medicated I just sat there and more or less just accepted most of the stuff they taught, that we should still be observing the Law of Moses, but something didn't quite sit right with me because it is impossible to observe all of it because there is no temple or Levitical priesthood. Due to the meds it didn't bother me much, the people were nice so I just tagged along like a sheep.
When I stopped taking my meds my desire to investigate returned, my desire to search out truth, and to get to the bottom of why I did not feel altogether comfortable with what the group I was with were teaching. This lead me one day to type in to Google search, "messianic Judaism cult". I was lead to a page on a site called Hebrew for Christians, on which I found an excellent article (Torah Redux) on whether or not as Christians we are still to observe Torah.
Reading this article focused my attention on Jesus. In my mind I started to evaluate the things I believed I needed to be doing, alongside with what Jesus did. I realized that to put any value whatsoever on anything I could do, would be to devalue what Jesus did. The last of the things I needed to devalue in my mind that I could do, was water baptism. I had been taught in the International Churches of Christ (ICOC) that baptism saves you. I had to let go of this and realize that baptism did not save me, Jesus saved me.
The moment I realized that Jesus did everything necessary for my salvation on the cross, and that I need to do nothing other than believe in Him, I transferred all of the faith that I had in myself and what I thought I needed to do, onto Jesus. Jesus alone. For the first time in my life, I put ALL of my faith in Jesus alone, and what He did on the cross.
In an instant I physically felt depression leave my body, and I felt myself filled with love, and very suddenly the things that I thought I needed to do to be a good Christian, the things that had previously been a burden to me, became the desires of my heart. It was like the old me died, and a new me was born inside me. It was like Jesus came to live in me.
Since then I have joined a new church, a small group of wonderful, strong and faithful Christians. I have grown from strength to strength, and have found that where Jesus puts something on my heart to do that is challenging, if I do it I grow. I have experienced tremendous healing, I needed to take 5mg Zyprexa once every 3 to 4 weeks in the beginning, but the intervals between me having to take one have been getting longer and longer, and now I am able to do things that used to be massive anxiety triggers for me and they don't phase me in the least, my heart rate doesn't even deviate. I have been healed.
Doctors told me I had a serious mental disorder, that I had a chemical imbalance in my brain, that I would need to take medication for the rest of my life, and that there was no cure.
They were wrong. Jesus heals.
I have been to see my psychiatrist twice since I stopped taking my meds, and he is happy for me not to be taking them, as long as I am careful to make sure I get enough sleep. At first he wanted to see me at 3 month intervals, but after my visit after 3 months he said 6 month intervals would be fine, I only need to see him again in February.
I am feeling great, I am having the time of my life, I did not believe that such happiness was possible.
Being bipolar was like standing in a small boat on a stormy sea. I have found that through faith in Jesus, I am now standing on a rock that cannot be moved.
I hope my testimony is a blessing to you.
lots of love,
Martin
In 2010 I had my first ever manic episode, I had not slept 4 days due to anxiety. I had not ever suffered with depression before this. After that I crashed into suicidal depression. I stopped taking my medication and 4 months later had another manic episode, only this time after 6 days of no sleep. I was pretty much permanently in a mild state of depression after this, until earlier this year. I was only on a low dose of meds, 2.5mg Zyprexa.
In January this year I underwent a counseling session by someone using the Mace Energy Method, the counselor took me from depressed to euphoric in 2 hours, and gave me hope that I could be well.
At the end of February I stopped taking my meds again, only this time promising myself that if I got anxious and sleep deprived, I would take Zyprexa just to sleep. I was still mildly depressed, but I found my mind worked much better, and I was able to better cognitively work through issues I had and take a good look at myself and what I believed.
A month or so later I realized that although I was religious, I wasn't truly a Christian. I had been going to church most of my life and going through the motions of Christianity, going to church, etc. but I wasn't really living a liberated life.
I believed my salvation was about something I had to do. I thought my salvation depended on how good a person I was, how regularly I attended church, how often I prayed, how much I read my bible, how nice I was to other people, and how I had to speak to other people about Jesus. I wasn't very good at many of those things apart from perhaps regularly attending church.
I attended a Messianic fellowship for 2 years during the time I was medicated, up until about March this year. While medicated I just sat there and more or less just accepted most of the stuff they taught, that we should still be observing the Law of Moses, but something didn't quite sit right with me because it is impossible to observe all of it because there is no temple or Levitical priesthood. Due to the meds it didn't bother me much, the people were nice so I just tagged along like a sheep.
When I stopped taking my meds my desire to investigate returned, my desire to search out truth, and to get to the bottom of why I did not feel altogether comfortable with what the group I was with were teaching. This lead me one day to type in to Google search, "messianic Judaism cult". I was lead to a page on a site called Hebrew for Christians, on which I found an excellent article (Torah Redux) on whether or not as Christians we are still to observe Torah.
Reading this article focused my attention on Jesus. In my mind I started to evaluate the things I believed I needed to be doing, alongside with what Jesus did. I realized that to put any value whatsoever on anything I could do, would be to devalue what Jesus did. The last of the things I needed to devalue in my mind that I could do, was water baptism. I had been taught in the International Churches of Christ (ICOC) that baptism saves you. I had to let go of this and realize that baptism did not save me, Jesus saved me.
The moment I realized that Jesus did everything necessary for my salvation on the cross, and that I need to do nothing other than believe in Him, I transferred all of the faith that I had in myself and what I thought I needed to do, onto Jesus. Jesus alone. For the first time in my life, I put ALL of my faith in Jesus alone, and what He did on the cross.
In an instant I physically felt depression leave my body, and I felt myself filled with love, and very suddenly the things that I thought I needed to do to be a good Christian, the things that had previously been a burden to me, became the desires of my heart. It was like the old me died, and a new me was born inside me. It was like Jesus came to live in me.
Since then I have joined a new church, a small group of wonderful, strong and faithful Christians. I have grown from strength to strength, and have found that where Jesus puts something on my heart to do that is challenging, if I do it I grow. I have experienced tremendous healing, I needed to take 5mg Zyprexa once every 3 to 4 weeks in the beginning, but the intervals between me having to take one have been getting longer and longer, and now I am able to do things that used to be massive anxiety triggers for me and they don't phase me in the least, my heart rate doesn't even deviate. I have been healed.
Doctors told me I had a serious mental disorder, that I had a chemical imbalance in my brain, that I would need to take medication for the rest of my life, and that there was no cure.
They were wrong. Jesus heals.
I have been to see my psychiatrist twice since I stopped taking my meds, and he is happy for me not to be taking them, as long as I am careful to make sure I get enough sleep. At first he wanted to see me at 3 month intervals, but after my visit after 3 months he said 6 month intervals would be fine, I only need to see him again in February.
I am feeling great, I am having the time of my life, I did not believe that such happiness was possible.
Being bipolar was like standing in a small boat on a stormy sea. I have found that through faith in Jesus, I am now standing on a rock that cannot be moved.
I hope my testimony is a blessing to you.
lots of love,
Martin
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