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BPD, divorce and faith

Tke129

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Greetings, my divorce was recently finalized. My wife, I believe, has BPD ( I am a psychologist). I did not initiate the divorce, but rather tried everything in my power to save the marriage. Especially, starting 16 months ago. When my amazing son was born. My faith was so strong, I just knew God would save the marriage. During the divorce proceedings my now ex wife started using our son as a tool to hurt me. Again, my faith was strong even now I knew God would restore our marriage. When she started using our son, I had faith that God would make sure that I would have costudy of my son. Fast forward to now, divorce is final and I only see my son every other weekend and Thursday for two hours. She is getting away with everything in violation of orders because she "technically" hasn't violated them. For example she recently moved and failed to give me the new address until after I had my attorney write hers. She is violating morality clause and exposing my son to overnight guest. So not only did my faith prove wrong in the restoration of the marriage but in my son being protected and with me. I feel broken, because of the divorce, the costudy and the hit my faith has taken. I am not sure that my faith will recover. I would welcome feedback, suggestions or guidance. Thanks
 

bhsmte

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Greetings, my divorce was recently finalized. My wife, I believe, has BPD ( I am a psychologist). I did not initiate the divorce, but rather tried everything in my power to save the marriage. Especially, starting 16 months ago. When my amazing son was born. My faith was so strong, I just knew God would save the marriage. During the divorce proceedings my now ex wife started using our son as a tool to hurt me. Again, my faith was strong even now I knew God would restore our marriage. When she started using our son, I had faith that God would make sure that I would have costudy of my son. Fast forward to now, divorce is final and I only see my son every other weekend and Thursday for two hours. She is getting away with everything in violation of orders because she "technically" hasn't violated them. For example she recently moved and failed to give me the new address until after I had my attorney write hers. She is violating morality clause and exposing my son to overnight guest. So not only did my faith prove wrong in the restoration of the marriage but in my son being protected and with me. I feel broken, because of the divorce, the costudy and the hit my faith has taken. I am not sure that my faith will recover. I would welcome feedback, suggestions or guidance. Thanks

I have been through this and I can relate very well. In my case, I actually won full legal custody of all my children, because the behaviors of my ex, were eventually exposed by the in depth evaluations that occurred in our situation. It was a long battle, very costly, but it was something that I stayed the course and it paid off.

First of all, your attorney is going to play a vital role in helping to expose the violation of the orders (my ex did this as well) and it takes a lot of legal follow up to expose the same.

If you want to PM me, I can be more specific.
 
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JacksBratt

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Greetings, my divorce was recently finalized. My wife, I believe, has BPD ( I am a psychologist). I did not initiate the divorce, but rather tried everything in my power to save the marriage. Especially, starting 16 months ago. When my amazing son was born. My faith was so strong, I just knew God would save the marriage. During the divorce proceedings my now ex wife started using our son as a tool to hurt me. Again, my faith was strong even now I knew God would restore our marriage. When she started using our son, I had faith that God would make sure that I would have costudy of my son. Fast forward to now, divorce is final and I only see my son every other weekend and Thursday for two hours. She is getting away with everything in violation of orders because she "technically" hasn't violated them. For example she recently moved and failed to give me the new address until after I had my attorney write hers. She is violating morality clause and exposing my son to overnight guest. So not only did my faith prove wrong in the restoration of the marriage but in my son being protected and with me. I feel broken, because of the divorce, the costudy and the hit my faith has taken. I am not sure that my faith will recover. I would welcome feedback, suggestions or guidance. Thanks
Why did you have faith that your marriage would be restored?
Why did you have faith that you would get custody?

Was it because you believed this was right in the eyes of God?

For whatever reason, God has allowed these events and changes in your life. You must remember, God will not have you endure anything that you cannot handle through the strength He gives you...

It is the enemy that has you "losing faith". Sure, you can only see our child every other weekend and for 2 hours on Thursdays, but, at least you can see him. At least you do get him for those weekends. Count your blessings. Pray for your child. Pray that your lawyer will be able to activate action based on the things she is violating.

We live in the world but we are not of the world. The laws of this world and the courts that implement them are not of God.

So, it's not God's fault and it's not your fault. Every trial is for a season and is to strengthen us, teach us and grow us.

Satan is just using this to have you lose your faith when it should be getting stronger.
 
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Brantley Wills

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I must agree.. This is not of God.. Satan is according to Jesus the Ruler of this earth.. He will not stop at anything to try to take your faith.. I know, I've been in your shoes.. But resist the devil and he will flee from you..

I know it's easier said than done.. I'm living it right now. My wife shows all the symptoms of BPD she's filed for divorce 3 times. Changes her mind monthly.. I continue to fight for our marriage daily. I can't stop her from divorcing me but I sure don't have to help her..

I'll be in prayer for you and your family..God can use this divorce for good.. May even bring your wife back.
 
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JacksBratt

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I must agree.. This is not of God.. Satan is according to Jesus the Ruler of this earth.. He will not stop at anything to try to take your faith.. I know, I've been in your shoes.. But resist the devil and he will flee from you..

I know it's easier said than done.. I'm living it right now. My wife shows all the symptoms of BPD she's filed for divorce 3 times. Changes her mind monthly.. I continue to fight for our marriage daily. I can't stop her from divorcing me but I sure don't have to help her..

I'll be in prayer for you and your family..God can use this divorce for good.. May even bring your wife back.
There are many of us, Christian men, and women with good marriage ethics and hearts for God, that end up in marriages that are far from what God intended.

It is not our job to change the behaviors of our spouses. It is our job to respond in a Christian manner.

My wife left me once for a couple of months. She, to this day will threaten to leave if I don't do something "her" way. I call her bluff, now, all the time.

She has, several times, told me to call a lawyer.. it is a hell to live this way, but the kids are may main concern.
They need both parents, even if their mom is mentally ill.

If there was any danger to the kids, however, we would be gone.

My marriage is not God's fault. He may have allowed this path for my life, but walks it with me.
 
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