I feel like Crown's song "Who am I?". God is amazing and I need to put my trust in him but I am have not been doing that. Instead recently, I have been on this kick where I let my anxiety consume me. I tell myself I can do this on my own, but I can't and really "I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow". To be more specific, I am struggling with figuring out my future. I am a junior in high school, and the stress of GPA's, scholarships, athletics, driving tests, and figuring out a career is taking its toll. Instead of laying down my stress before the Lord, I have been wobbling to carry it.
Many of you will say this next part is bizarre, but I have developed a disorder called Trichotillomania. Its a shameful disorder where I pull out my eyebrows and eyelashes. Just like a cutter doesn't feel pain, the same goes with the pulling. Some of you will say, just stop pulling your hair. Well it isn't that easy. It's a bad psychological habit ingrained into my brain that temporarily releases stress with each pull and sometimes I don't even notice myself doing it. I used to wear hats in 6th grade to hide my missing eyebrows and now I try to cover it with make-up. I am ashamed and I need God's mercy to save me. This world will be full of Satan's attempts to make my life miserable. He whispers into my ear "Rachel you can stop pulling on your own". I can't do things on my own because I am too weak but "That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I amweak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10. I am going to try to dive deeper into God's word. This way anytime I feel the urge to pull, I can remember God's word because I know God hears "me when I'm calling... catch(es) me when I'm falling And.. told me who I am...I am yours." Please pray for me as I embark on my journey of learning trust God.
Many of you will say this next part is bizarre, but I have developed a disorder called Trichotillomania. Its a shameful disorder where I pull out my eyebrows and eyelashes. Just like a cutter doesn't feel pain, the same goes with the pulling. Some of you will say, just stop pulling your hair. Well it isn't that easy. It's a bad psychological habit ingrained into my brain that temporarily releases stress with each pull and sometimes I don't even notice myself doing it. I used to wear hats in 6th grade to hide my missing eyebrows and now I try to cover it with make-up. I am ashamed and I need God's mercy to save me. This world will be full of Satan's attempts to make my life miserable. He whispers into my ear "Rachel you can stop pulling on your own". I can't do things on my own because I am too weak but "That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I amweak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10. I am going to try to dive deeper into God's word. This way anytime I feel the urge to pull, I can remember God's word because I know God hears "me when I'm calling... catch(es) me when I'm falling And.. told me who I am...I am yours." Please pray for me as I embark on my journey of learning trust God.