simplelady8832

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May 27, 2016
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Hello all and thank you for taking time to read my request. I am in desperate need of prayer and advice. I am not here to bash my husband but to get prayer and advice. I have never been married before, but he has. Honestly I do not know how to be married. I have always known that it would be work. We have both made mistakes but here recently it is my mistakes and I we are separated. It is financial and my attitude.During our separation I have asked God to change me and show me where I was wrong, well he has and I am working on it. Problem is that my husband wants to believe me but cant seem to. Every conversation that we have it is always his finger pointing at me telling me that I am the cause of this mess & that it is my fault that he is emotionally and physically withdrawn from me. He tells me to go look in the mirror. I know God hates divorce and I know that he can save and heal our marriage but I am so tired of being blamed for everything that has went wrong. I am carrying a huge burden. I am not sure if I should just distance myself or what. Thank you and God bless
 

ValleyGal

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Dec 19, 2012
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Making amends is hard....

You do not elaborate on the "financial and attitude" mistakes you've made, so specific advice is hard. All I can say is when it comes to finances, work together on a budget and stick to it. Make purchasing decisions together, but both of you need to be fair and equitable in the process. When it comes to attitude, if it has to do with your attitude towards him, I can only say you need to believe in him, that he has good intentions, and that any problems in his behaviour likely come from a very wounded place in his heart.

You have broken his trust (?) and now you need to earn that back. It will take some time. If you have not already done this, you might want to go to him and make a solid amends. Acknowledge what you have done (be very, very specific) to hurt him, tell him how much you regret what you did, ask him directly to forgive you, and then explain that you know the consequence of your actions is that he now has a hard time trusting you, but you will work hard to prove yourself. Do not allow opportunity to discuss the issues. Do not blame him for his part (yes, he has a part), and do not try to justify or make excuses for what you did.

If he says he forgives you but can't trust you, ask him how you can build that trust back up without hurting him further. Also be clear and explain that if he forgives you, he will no longer hold it against you or lord your mistakes over you. He will not continue to bring them up and make you "pay" because you are already "paying" by having to earn back his trust.

If he is blaming you for something that is not your fault, be clear that you will take responsibility for your part in the marital issues, but he also has to take responsibility for his. He may not even know what his are, so you might want to suggest counselling to help you both suss out that kind of stuff. That way you can each take responsibility, and figure things out on how to proceed.
 
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