Would you let your partner have sex with someone else?

Nataly87

Active Member
Mar 5, 2016
69
10
36
Los Angeles, California
✟8,091.00
Faith
Other Religion
Marital Status
Single
My Boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year, and since we first started dating I told him how I was a virgin and saving myself until marriage. Since then he has brought up how he is sexually frustrated and hate show he can't have sex. So I was thinking, since I am preventing him from having sex with me, why not buy him a hooker or some female and then he can have sex with that person, and then he can be happy because he's having sex. And we can still be together. I would be totally fine with doing this, if this would make him happy. Because I know he wants sex badly and he knows I won't have sex with him until marriage. So I was thinking of doing this type of situation instead. What do you think?
 

rickster

Member
Aug 30, 2003
174
60
City of Angels
✟16,410.00
Faith
Lutheran
Marital Status
Private
This idea sounds absurd. I can't tell if this is a troll account, but the previous post history seems like it's a real person.

Also if you do eventually get married, it seems like you don't have compatible libidos. He seems to have a very high sex drive, and you? have a low/non existent one? I doesn't seem like you two will work out long term. Might as well just cut ties now.
 
Upvote 0

Note

Borg Drone
Aug 16, 2012
288
131
✟19,392.00
Country
United States
Faith
Pentecostal
Marital Status
Divorced
No!!!! Faithfulness is what he needs to earn, not STDs or the memories of other girls. In essence, you are allowing him to cheat on you. If he can not respect you and your decisions, he does not deserve you. He needs to wait patiently for you.
I just realized I have been replying on one of your other posts, so i removed my comment about seeing someone professionally together.
 
Upvote 0

JeffofGallifrey

Well-Known Member
Dec 26, 2015
536
522
USA
✟20,065.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Buying him a hooker doesn't sound like a good solution...

This may sound harsh, but he needs to learn to control himself. That means not having sex with anyone except you, and not doing it with you unless you want to.

Which brings me to another point, which is "don't decide to have sex just because he's sexually frustrated." There are good reasons and bad reasons to have sex. Doing it out of pity for your partner, or because you think he can't control himself, is a bad reason.
 
Upvote 0

Nataly87

Active Member
Mar 5, 2016
69
10
36
Los Angeles, California
✟8,091.00
Faith
Other Religion
Marital Status
Single
Ha most couples therapists charge around $80 to $200 bucks a session hahaha.

And I again would love to just wait, because I want to wait and remain pure until I am married. Thats what I was told to do and I want to stick by that and it is my choice either way. To me, it does hurt me that he wants sex so badly and yet I am failing to full fill what he wants.

Him and I have talked about this time and time again and yet he says he does have self control and all that, he wants to wait but yet he keeps saying how he's driving himself up the wall and wants sex, he can't live without sex, but yet he wants to wait, because I am perfect and I am everything he is looking for.

But yet he can't deal with the the no sex and he doesn't like the way I treat him at times. And yet he wants to be with me and wants to wait. It just doesn't make sense and we keep going back and forth.
 
Upvote 0

Sketcher

Born Imperishable
Feb 23, 2004
38,983
9,400
✟379,648.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
Ha most couples therapists charge around $80 to $200 bucks a session hahaha.
In other words, not much more than a prostitute's services. Odd that you don't think your relationship is worth that much. Then again, given what you've told us, it probably isn't. Dump him.
 
Upvote 0

David.Lynch

Member
Apr 20, 2016
14
3
35
Canada
✟7,649.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
In Relationship
As a male in a similar situation, I know your frustration. You want to keep your vow but you also want to make things work with your partner. Sexual desire makes your logical thinking very cloudy, and I'm sure this is what your boyfriend is experiencing when he goes back and forth on the issue. However you need to stand by what you believe in and what you want. Letting him have sex with another will not fix things, only destroy it. Even knowing my girlfriend had slept with people before meeting her made me feel horrible, it would have been much worse if she did so WHILE I was with her. Your boyfriend needs to decide firmly what he wants for himself, because compromising you in this situation isn't something he should be doing.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Peace Keeper
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Chris B

Old Newbie
Feb 15, 2015
1,432
644
UK
✟12,424.00
Faith
Atheist
Marital Status
Single
What do you think?

I think I wouldn't recommend your solution. Too many ways for it to go wrong, just about no way for it to go right.

Just checking what's in the way of the obvious solution: why not get married, if you are that sure of each other otherwise?
 
Upvote 0

Moonrise Lu

Newbie
Jul 23, 2014
149
42
Texas
✟9,437.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
So basically he wants permission to cheat on you.... how can you not see this is a bad thing? If you gave him permission for this, you could never be jealous (which would probably happen) and if he's okay to cheat now, if you get married, he won't have any moral qualms about cheating on you then either. Heck, you could feel bad on your period and he'd say "oh well I want to have sex today, guess it's okay for me to go find someone else for this week? Since you were cool with it before." His disloyalty and unfaithfulness won't stop even if you marry. It's bad enough if he were pressuring you into sex, but this is beyond absurd for him to suggest! He needs to learn self-control. He isn't an animal that HAS to have sex. I understand the desire, but it is no excuse. He needs to learn to grow up if he is serious in staying in a relationship with you, and you need to realize your self-worth that this type of suggestion is unacceptable for a relationship to be good and last. Not to mention the risk of accidental pregnancy of his one night stands and STDs (or STI whatever they are called nowadays). You do NOT want to get mixed up with that crap.

Can I ask why you even want to stay with him? I would dump someone without a second thought, no matter what other amazing things they've done for me, if they suggested this.
 
Upvote 0

Nataly87

Active Member
Mar 5, 2016
69
10
36
Los Angeles, California
✟8,091.00
Faith
Other Religion
Marital Status
Single
Him and I broke up 2 weeks ago, and while it has been hard for me, I am doing my hardest to move on with my life. I know it is better this way and him and I will find happiness elsewhere in our lives. I know someone else will come along to me eventually and I will be waiting for that day to happen. It will just take time and patience and I am fine with that. :)
 
Upvote 0

Moonrise Lu

Newbie
Jul 23, 2014
149
42
Texas
✟9,437.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
I'm sorry you have had to go through the hardships of relationship and break-up :( Even when we know it's for the best, it is still tough! Glad you are focusing on the better things in the future. Please guard yourself and realize that you are worth someone being 100% loyal and respectful to you!
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

David.Lynch

Member
Apr 20, 2016
14
3
35
Canada
✟7,649.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
In Relationship
Yes I know, I hope I can find someone but I honestly don't think that will be happening.

Don't give up, because God hasn't given up on you. You'll be surprised how quickly things can turn around, even in a day. Use this time to grow and learn about yourself, and to focus on the other things you love in life, the things you are passionate about.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Peace Keeper
Upvote 0

Nataly87

Active Member
Mar 5, 2016
69
10
36
Los Angeles, California
✟8,091.00
Faith
Other Religion
Marital Status
Single
Don't give up, because God hasn't given up on you. You'll be surprised how quickly things can turn around, even in a day. Use this time to grow and learn about yourself, and to focus on the other things you love in life, the things you are passionate about.

I really don't think, there is a guy for me. I met a guy that fit every single thing I wanted but he lied to me and drinked a lot and I couldn't accept that and that guy told me to accept him for who he was. I was going to accept him and his drinking but part me, just couldn't.
 
Upvote 0

SarahJeanne

Active Member
May 21, 2016
25
27
35
New York
✟15,290.00
Faith
Protestant
Marital Status
Married
Having him sleep with another woman in the mean time is going to ruin anything you may have together. Pray on it. He needs to fight the temptation until you both are married and ready for each other. One of the biggest components to a healthy relationship is faithfulness.
 
  • Like
Reactions: tatteredsoul
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums