I have changed

May our God bless and comfort you in all the ways that will bring you to a new you.
Trust Him always, in all that you do, as He is watching over all that you do.

blackribbon said:

Since my husband has died, I have changed. I only see a shadow of who I used to be and I miss that person who knew how to be happy and carefree...even in the midst of problems.

I have accomplished things and people admire me but I feel so empty inside. I received a small compliment from one of my supervisors and when I was driving home and start to process what she said, I burst in tears because it has been a long time since anyone has actually noticed the small things I do on a regular basis. This can't be all God has for me. I wish I could feel a sense of what I need to do to change me or my situation or whatever... The ability to actually enjoy simple things is one of the things I miss the most. Almost 7 years and counting.

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going through death does change us. we know the finality of life and that makes a difference. a huge difference.
we realize that the future IS finite. and because of that, the value of both things and people in our lives changes places.
people become more important than things.

realizing that a switch has taken place alters our priorities, our plans, and our outlook.
and when those things change in our lives, no we can't disregard what we now know
and return to the innocense we had before.

because we aren't the same people.

in the same way time is also not the same.
whereas before we had a vague future somewhere out there,
now we have a definite end to accept, and the importance of today becomes magnified.

but it takes a while to get to that point and to make the switch.

The aloneness in the details of daily life is truly horrible. What was once a shared life is now a solitary one. We must take steps to avoid becoming isolated, but the core of a shared life has gone and that is something we all experience.

John
NZ

blackribbon said:

Maybe I am just broken.

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No, not broken. Raising teenagers you have to be a strong woman. Maybe a little bent, but you know how to straighten that out. You turn to God, say a little prayer, put a smile on your lips and in your eyes, hug your children, then go get that sundae that you have always enjoyed. May God bless you and your children.

God has a healing planned down the road I'm sure.

Sometimes, the smallest of tasks done to His glory can mean so much for the Kingdom. Please be encouraged as you think about how something that seems so insignificant on the surface (like folding a load of laundry for your household) can mean so much to others. You may be dropping a lot of small pebbles into other peoples' lives everyday and not even be aware of the tremendous ripples that you are creating. You are in my prayers.

I'm sorry it's been so hard.

Do you feel like talking about it? I would be happy to talk/pray w/you.