So, is it bad to desire a physically attractive mate?

Universal Ranger said:

You see, I'm under this impression that if I don't find her attractive, that's going to hurt her more than it does me. And I find the small women, the petite type attractive. You know, like the young Asian-type of figure.

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You have to be realistic in your expectations. Beauty is not only in the eye of the beholder, it is also fleeting. If youre 60 years old and expect to find a 20 year old supermodel, sorry, but I'm afraid youre going to be disappointed. If youre young and expect a supermodel, even if you find one, are you going to "trade her in" when she loses her attractiveness?

External beauty fades, but internal beauty is forever.

Universal Ranger said:

You see, I'm under this impression that if I don't find her attractive, that's going to hurt her more than it does me. And I find the small women, the petite type attractive. You know, like the young Asian-type of figure.

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I think physical attraction at least in some degree is important in a relationship and I agree that not finding her attractive at all would likely be hurtful to her. However, I think there is a difference between saying that she does not fit all of your physical preferences and saying that you don't find her attractive at all. To some extent our preferences are changeable and are the result of what our culture tells us that we should prefer, otherwise people wouldn't bother trying to do that with advertising. So I think your preferences can change over time and that you can become more physically attracted to someone who you were initially not very attracted to.

There has to be some level of physical attraction. Now, in my experience, this doesn't always come first, but I've never been in a relationship with a woman where there was no physical attraction.

Universal Ranger said:

You see, I'm under this impression that if I don't find her attractive, that's going to hurt her more than it does me.

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I'm under the "impression" that I'm entitled to not end up with a chick I think is a minger.... It would actually hurt me more than it would hurt her though, 'cause I'm good at "acting" with stuff like that, so she wouldn't know. But I would know. That's the problem for me. [LOL] I'm terrible, aren't I?

Universal Ranger said:

And I find the small women, the petite type attractive. You know, like the young Asian-type of figure.

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Ah....

Me too.

I like Japanese girls best.

The Bible is very clear in saying that beauty of personality far outweighs physical beauty in importance. That doesn't mean that we can't also seek physical attractiveness. It only means that we try to keep things in a balanced perspective.

Here is an excerpt from a very informative article:

What Makes a Woman Beautiful?

A woman should be kind—she should be gracious. Proverbs 11:16 tells us that a gracious woman retains honor. When you think of the women that you hold in high regard, they usually are ladies who are kind, gentle, thoughtful, unselfish, etc. They are the women that we look up to and remember. In Proverbs 31:26, a virtuous woman is described as having the law of kindness on her tongue.
http://www.ucg.org/beyond-today/what-makes-a-woman-beautiful

Universal Ranger said:

You see, I'm under this impression that if I don't find her attractive, that's going to hurt her more than it does me. And I find the small women, the petite type attractive. You know, like the young Asian-type of figure.

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While personality is definitely far more important than looks I'd have to say that there is absolutely no shame in seeking a mate who is physically attractive according to YOUR standards because everyone has different preferences. After all you are not only going to be selecting a woman who you share a spiritual/emotional intimacy with, but also a physical one as well which God created as a blessing for people to enjoy each other, and to continue the species.

I don't think that there is anything wrong with wanting a person you're attracted to, but just realize that beauty will fade over time. If physical beauty is the primary motivation, what will happen when all that goes away.

I've never had a boyfriend or been in a relationship, but I have been told I'm pretty and some boys showed an interest in me at one time, but I was shunned by our community because I choose to stay single and raise my niece. Long story.

I look at the magazines at beautiful women and honestly, I wonder what they really do look like without the makeup. We're not allowed to wear makeup or jewelry and dress very modestly, so what you see is what you get. I don't think it's wrong at all to want someone who looks nice. But looks don't last forever, and when the looks go away, what then?

I work in a country store, and there's a mother and daughter who come in every now and then. Both of them are beautiful! When I saw them for the first time, I almost wished I could look like that.

Then the mother opened her mouth and that illusion was shattered. Every other word was a nasty word, it seemed. They were loud and crude with no refinement or manners anywhere. Even the store owner had to ask them to respect other people and refrain from using vile language. They were mean, too. They picked up things, looked at them, and threw them down anywhere. The mother even said, "Oh let that girl put it away (meaning me) -- she needs something to do."

Beauty is one thing, but would you really want to be seen with someone who acts like that in public? And if they act like that in public, how do they act at home? What about their hearts? If there was a choice between buying food or makeup, which one would win? Beauty outside doesn't always mean beauty inside. But the beauty inside is what the person IS, and that's why ordinary-looking people often are seen in the newspapers celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary.

And they still have that little sparkle in their eyes that says, "Yeah, that's right, I got this."

My parents were like that before my Dad died.

All good things
Emmy

"Don't look at beauty magazines or they will only make you feel ugly". From the song, "Wear Sunscreen":

GQ Chris said:

"Don't look at beauty magazines or they will only make you feel ugly". From the song, "Wear Sunscreen":

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Ha! I never feel ugly. But I suppose some people do feel ugly, and that's a shame.

All good things
Emmy

Nothing wrong with it, but it has to be equal. None of this hypocritical "I want a tall man, but you still must overlook my fat body" sjw nonsense.

It is bad to desire someone thats not meant for you.
Our desires ought to be in line with what God desires for us. So ask God first.

Another thing, God can see into the heart of someone, often, we cant, not at first glance. So check with Him first.

MehGuy said:

Nothing wrong with it, but it has to be equal. None of this hypocritical "I want a tall man, but you still must overlook my fat body" sjw nonsense.

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Is SJW an umbrella term now..?

Being an Englishman, I find it a bit disturbing when people use the term "mate" in this context.

Very disturbing, actually.

Darth Bagel said:

Is SJW an umbrella term now..?

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I could say feminist, but I worry that might irk some people. SJW seems to provoke less controversy.

sjw means?

As to finding someone attractive, I think you can choose to find anyone attractive. Her beauty does not fade, but our perception of her can. If he gets in a car accident and because of head injury is no longer super-smart or commonly attractive, does she just treat him and see him as ugly and stupid and push him away? Christianity says more than "you want to meet someone else, but you're stuck with him."

redblue22 said:

sjw means?

As to finding someone attractive, I think you can choose to find anyone attractive. Her beauty does not fade, but our perception of her can. If he gets in a car accident and because of head injury is no longer super-smart or commonly attractive, does she just treat him and see him as ugly and stupid and push him away? Christianity says more than "you want to meet someone else, but you're stuck with him."

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SJW.. social justice warrior.

As for finding aging chicks attractive.. I have a few D/s tricks up my sleeve. lol..

I get it. it's a negative term for liberals, progressives, etc. thank you for explaining.

Ok, back to the thread.