A Balanced Church

Balance is the most difficult thing in life, yet I see the beauty of it and try to avoid extremes, especially when it comes to church. This has made it impossible for me to find a place to fit in. *I don't mean that I'm a moderate.

Churches with the intellectual sophistication I desire lean too liberal, and churches with relational strengths and conservative views I appreciate lean too conservatively. I feel uncomfortable everywhere. I mean crawling out of my skin uncomfortable.

The PCA has been the closest to a good fit for me, but it all depends on the leaders in each individual congregation. I was very happy at Redeemer Presbyterian in NYC, but that's mostly due to Tim Keller's superb preaching. Also. I'm too far from there now to make that a viable option. I live in CT.

Here's my rant:

I'm theologically conservative, but not in a backward fundy way.

I'm a Calvinist, but not a fatalist. Moderate Calvinist is where I fall on the spectrum.

I don't like high or low church.

I like both hymns and contemporary songs by the likes of Keith Getty and Sovereign Grace Ministries.

I believe that teaching should be both intellectually and emotionally stimulating, but I find it's either one or the other (or neither, very often)

I don't want to see skits or videos during worship service, and I'm not amused by the pastor who begins every "sermon" with a comedy monolog. Not appropriate. Exegetical preaching is a must.

Christ is both King and friend, so there should be both reverence and authenticity when the sheep gather for worship.

I'm complimentarian, and I won't budge on that, but I'm not a brute.

Perfect church for me would be a cross between an Acts 29 and a PCA church - maybe.

Tigger45 said:

I hate to say it but it will be hard for us to help you because you already know what you do and don't want in a church. Its going to come down to visiting churches until you find one with the right feel. I know its not easy, it took me ten years this last time to find a church I'd commit to. God bless.

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Thank you. I know. It's already been 10 years for me, so I wrote wrote what I did as a way to vent my frustration on an an early Sunday morning, dreading the the thought of hearing "Where are we going to church today?" from my poor wife. I have no more answers.

Tigger45 said:

Does your wife have the same criteria that you do? I am much more critical with theology than my wife. As long as a church is within mainstream Christianity and friendly she's good to go. What I would do is check out churches' websites and if they even looked remotely attractive I'd visit them on their evening service if they had them to help keep from dragging my wife around.

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We are like-minded; however, she is far less fussy than I am.

graceandpeace said:

It sounds like you may need to compromise on one or more points. Maybe trying something completely different could be the answer, too. Does you wife agree with you about your criteria?

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Albion said:

You've stated your case very well, and it's always encouraging when we hear from someone who's looking but does know what he's looking for. Unfortunately, and as my friend Tigger says, you may have to compromise on something or other.

If it's not a critical doctrine (for example, the hymns that are used), you may have to bear that and decide which non-essential that you don't agree with will come your way the least often or which of them is the least irritating to you.

The EPC came to my mind as I was reading your post, but I suppose you've already given careful consideration to all the Presbyterian churches within striking distance, right?

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Thanks, Albion. Yes, although it's not easy, I do understand that I must compromise. Music is a non-essential.

There is another issue, which I forgot to list: distance. I really want to be less than 20 minutes drive from home in order to have a reasonable chance for building relationships with the folks in the church. I *can* drive or train to New York City and become a member of Redeemer again, but I would be separated by an hour's drive and a cultural "world" away.

My post was both a rant and a thinking-out-loud list of a "perfect church", which I did quickly very early in the AM. I know very well that this church doesn't exist. If it does, it's not within striking range. There are things close in major cities, but not in the burbs where I dwell.

Thanks for the suggestion. I just checked the EPC church locator; the closest one is one hour away, unfortunately.

I really think that we would be happy in a conservative Anglican church; however, the local conservative Anglican church has a husband and wife as "co-pastors", and that's a deal-breaker for me.

I'm not sure what its affiliation is. Here is the site: http://apostlesct.org/home

GracetotheHumble said:

Hi thatbrian, unfortunately not everyone finds their "perfect" church and this seems like it will be the case for you.

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Of course; however, most people I know don't have any discernment when it comes to these things. Just like people who think that Pizza Hut makes good pizza. One might think that if Pizza Hut is the only pizza they've ever had, but if you live in NY, then you know better. I can't settle for a Pizza Hut church, as I've had the real thing before.

GracetotheHumble said:

What exactly do you find unsatisfactory about the Acts 29 network?

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I've never been to one, as there are Z E R O in Connecticut.

GracetotheHumble said:

Then how do you know the perfect church for you would be a cross between an Acts 29 and a PCA church?

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I know all, and I see all.

Seriously, I was part of a young church that was intending to join with the Acts 29 network. I moved before that happened, but I imagine that the church was representaive of Acts 29.