Update.
As you know I gradually went off my meds with my doctor's reluctant approval. Good mood stabilization but weight gain and headaches that wouldn't leave for very long.
3 days ago I started taking 150 mg Wellbutrin and headaches quit. Also lost 2-3 lbs. I was taking 450 mg Wellbutrin before which is high dosage, so I'm not gonna lose sleep over it if I am taking only 150. I've stayed off Brintellix which is horribly expensive even with Medicare. Taking an occasional low dose Xanax or Lunesta to help me sleep.
I mentioned before I had serious strong attacks a few times about wanting to "get even" with the flesh and blood demons in my life, (lairs, abusers, trust killers, "dear sweet family members") who gloat over their evil and how they get away with it. Oddly enough, this usually happens to me when I'm either working out at the gym or doing yard work.
Yesterday I gave it a name: the Dark Storm Cloud (DSC).
See, what I've written here leads up to this point: A few posts up this page Jeshu outlined for LTG a "logical" very well written guide booklet. READ IT READ IT READ IT!
These attacks are inspired by forces dedicated to KILLING us in every sense of the word. The brain is a wonderfully complex organ. It is used against those of us forced to deal with chemical anomalies in our brains that Satan wants to use against us by using horrible past experiences and inciting us to make unwise future decisions the he knows full well will war against our souls and cause us to feel unnecessary guilt. Also hating ourselves, others and even our Creator which in turn causes more guilt.
Why, in Christ's ministry on Earth, did Satan spend all his time trying to trip Jesus up? It's because JESUS IS THE WAY THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE. Not just a "good man and good teacher".
Trying to fight a spiritual battle in the flesh.....well..... you're gonna lose big time.
Remember my allusion to DSC? Storm clouds come, but they are guaranteed to pass; it's their nature. Don't give them your energy. See them for what they are. Acknowledge that you are angry, hurting, on the verge of quitting, turning your back on the very Power that gives us our next breath, that keeps the universe alive. But don't you dare give in.
"OK, I'm hurt, angry, mad at the world, God's not giving me what I think I want/need, I pity myself."
They are just feelings, perceptions. May even be legitimately so. Put what Jeshu wrote to the test because it's biblical, it's the truth and it works! It's only taken me 35 years for the light bulb to finally come on, but brothers and sisters, this is what it's all about. Not sitting in a church pew looking at our watch and anticipating lunch at Denny's or watching the big game and popping a cold one later. It's not about useless theological arguments for the sake of arguing.
I am so mad at myself (see, there I go again) for letting my exhuberance and God given joy for life and my brothers and sisters in Christ take a back seat to the lies of the enemy of our souls.
OK, so we feel like a pity party or want to "kill" somebody or stay in bed all day. That's OK; God understands. If we happen to fail and do something stupid anyway, God understands. Grieve, repent, dust yourself off and go to the temple (literally or figuratively) like David did. Point is, tap into the power freely and lovingly given by the Cross. That's what being saved really means. We don't have to put up with the devil's crap; he's a bully. I hate bully's.
OK, rant over.
