Remarried Pastor/Friends/Family committing Adultery

heyitsme · Feb 12, 2016

Hey all. I have quite a difficult question I am hoping to get some great answers to.

How would a Christian gently and lovingly lead others who are remarried Christians away from their sin of adultery? According to Matthew 19:9, Jesus states that remarriage is adultery.

9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. (Matthew 19:9)

In Ezekiel, we are told that if we do not warn others to repent of their sin, their blood will be on our hands...

7 So thou, O son of man, I have set thee a watchman unto the house of Israel; therefore thou shalt hear the word at my mouth, and warn them from me.
8 When I say unto the wicked, O wicked man, thou shalt surely die; if thou dost not speak to warn the wicked from his way, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand.
9 Nevertheless, if thou warn the wicked of his way to turn from it; if he do not turn from his way, he shall die in his iniquity; but thou hast delivered thy soul. (Ezekiel 33:7-9)

When I read this I feel responsible to tell these people that they are living in sin! Whether or not they are aware and disregard what Jesus has said, I still feel convicted of showing them the truth in the scriptures. How am I supposed to gently talk to these people to lead them away from their sin? There seems to be only one option and that is for them to get a divorce... But I don't want to see people in pain either! This is incredibly difficult for me and I am open to advice on how to handle this... Thank you.

Soyeong · Feb 12, 2016

heyitsme said:
Hey all. I have quite a difficult question I am hoping to get some great answers to.

How would a Christian gently and lovingly lead others who are remarried Christians away from their sin of adultery? According to Matthew 19:9, Jesus states that remarriage is adultery.

In Ezekiel, we are told that if we do not warn others to repent of their sin, their blood will be on our hands...

When I read this I feel responsible to tell these people that they are living in sin! Whether or not they are aware and disregard what Jesus has said, I still feel convicted of showing them the truth in the scriptures. How am I supposed to gently talk to these people to lead them away from their sin? There seems to be only one option and that is for them to get a divorce... But I don't want to see people in pain either! This is incredibly difficult for me and I am open to advice on how to handle this... Thank you.

Hello,

The issue in Matthew 19:9 is that being put away does not mean the same thing as being divorced, but rather it refers to the wife being separated from her husband without being given a certificate of divorce. If she were to get married to someone else while still being married to the husband that she is separated from, then she would commit adultery.

heyitsme · Feb 12, 2016

Hello,

The issue in Matthew 19:9 is that being put away does not mean the same thing as being divorced, but rather it refers to the wife being separated from her husband without being given a certificate of divorce. If she were to get married to someone else while still being married to the husband that she is separated from, then she would commit adultery.

If being put away isn't the same thing as being divorced, then why did they write a bill of divorcement first before putting their spouse away?

7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? (Matthew 19:7)

heyitsme · Feb 12, 2016

Soyeong said:
Hello,

The issue in Matthew 19:9 is that being put away does not mean the same thing as being divorced, but rather it refers to the wife being separated from her husband without being given a certificate of divorce. If she were to get married to someone else while still being married to the husband that she is separated from, then she would commit adultery.

If being put away isn't the same thing as being divorced, then why did they write a bill of divorcement first before putting their spouse away?

7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? (Matthew 19:7)

Soyeong · Feb 12, 2016

heyitsme said:
If being put away isn't the same thing as being divorced, then why did they write a bill of divorcement first before putting their spouse away?

The certificate of divorce refers to the legal separation while being put away refers to the physical separation. People usually stop living together after they have been divorced, but people can stop living together without being divorced.

Wgw · Feb 12, 2016

The Orthodox do not ordain remarried clergy. An Orthodox priest must be married before his ordination to the rank of subdeacon or higher, or he must remain celibate; he furthermore cannot be ordained if he maries a widow or a divorcee. If he is widowed or divorced after ordination, he must remain celibate.

timewerx · Feb 13, 2016

Soyeong said:
Hello,

The issue in Matthew 19:9 is that being put away does not mean the same thing as being divorced, but rather it refers to the wife being separated from her husband without being given a certificate of divorce. If she were to get married to someone else while still being married to the husband that she is separated from, then she would commit adultery.

I don't think Christ look favorably to divorce also...

You should read this:

Matthew 19:8
Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.

Soyeong · Feb 13, 2016

timewerx said:
I don't think Christ look favorably to divorce also...

You should read this:

Matthew 19:8
Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.

Indeed, divorce is looked on unfavorably by God, and while it is allowable in the case of marital unfaithfulness, that doesn't necessarily mean that two people should get a divorce.

civilwarbuff · Feb 13, 2016

Soyeong said:
Indeed, divorce is looked on favorably by God, and while it is allowable in the case of marital unfaithfulness, that doesn't necessarily mean that two people should get a divorce.

I think you meant unfavorably...

heyitsme · Feb 13, 2016

But remarriage is adultery. They gave their wives certificates of divorce and then "put them away" to marry someone else.

My question is how do I point out to someone that they are living in adultery? What would be the most appropriate method of pointing out their sin to them?

Chriliman · Feb 13, 2016

heyitsme said:
But remarriage is adultery. They gave their wives certificates of divorce and then "put them away" to marry someone else.

My question is how do I point out to someone that they are living in adultery? What would be the most appropriate method of pointing out their sin to them?

Pray that God would equip you to do what is right so you are no longer burdened with this. If they are open to hear the truth then they will turn from their sin and repent. Praying for you

heyitsme · Feb 13, 2016

Chriliman said:
Pray that God would equip you to do what is right so you are no longer burdened with this. If they are open to hear the truth then they will turn from their sin and repent. Praying for you

Thank you Chriliman for answering my question. Do you have any advice for how to approach someone in this way? I don't want to come off judgmental... I just want to help them.

Soyeong · Feb 13, 2016

heyitsme said:
But remarriage is adultery. They gave their wives certificates of divorce and then "put them away" to marry someone else.

My question is how do I point out to someone that they are living in adultery? What would be the most appropriate method of pointing out their sin to them?

9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. (Matthew 19:9)

This doesn't say anything about being given a certificate of divorce and can lead to adultery precisely because it was not given. There still instances even today where a husband and wife will become physically separated and live in different houses, but who have not yet become officially divorced. If either were to get married to someone else while still not divorced, then they would be committing adultery.

heyitsme · Feb 14, 2016

Soyeong said:
9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. (Matthew 19:9)

This doesn't say anything about being given a certificate of divorce and can lead to adultery precisely because it was not given. There still instances even today where a husband and wife will become physically separated and live in different houses, but who have not yet become officially divorced. If either were to get married to someone else while still not divorced, then they would be committing adultery.

Yes I see the angle you are coming from with this, but I posted earlier that in Matthew 19:7, they talked about giving a certificate of divorce before they put away their spouse. It looks to be that if you have "put someone away", you have to write them a certificate of divorce first. Here are the verses that refer to divorce all together from Matthew 19...

3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?

4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?

8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.

9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. (Matthew 19:3-10)

Soyeong · Feb 14, 2016

heyitsme said:
Yes I see the angle you are coming from with this, but I posted earlier that in Matthew 19:7, they talked about giving a certificate of divorce before they put away their spouse. It looks to be that if you have "put someone away", you have to write them a certificate of divorce first. Here are the verses that refer to divorce all together from Matthew 19...

I agree that normally a certificate of divorce happens before physical separation, but that's not always the case today and I don't see a reason to think that it was always the case back then. It doesn't make sense to me to think that back then they must get divorced before one was allowed to become physically separated from the other. Adultery is by definition voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse so I think it makes for more sense to understand Jesus as saying that they are committing adultery because they were still married to someone else.

Cuddles333 · Feb 16, 2016

The whole point Jesus was making was that the Law of Moses concerning divorce (Deut. 24:1-4) was now voided. That the only reason a man could now divorce his wife was for her having committed a crime bringing the death penalty. Fornication being the sin of visiting either a male or female cult prostitute. Adultery, a sin carrying the death penalty as well. This was why his disciples declared then if this is the case then it is better for a man never to marry.

In 1 Corinthians chapter 7 Paul declares that the believing couple not to divorce and that if a believer is married to a non-believer and the unbeliever departs (Koine Greek word for divorce) then the believer is then free to remarry. This proves that non-believers are not amenable to the New Testament's laws concerning Covenant laws concerning marriage and divorce.

wagingwar · Feb 16, 2016

heyitsme said:
Hey all. I have quite a difficult question I am hoping to get some great answers to.

How would a Christian gently and lovingly lead others who are remarried Christians away from their sin of adultery? According to Matthew 19:9, Jesus states that remarriage is adultery.

In Ezekiel, we are told that if we do not warn others to repent of their sin, their blood will be on our hands...

When I read this I feel responsible to tell these people that they are living in sin! Whether or not they are aware and disregard what Jesus has said, I still feel convicted of showing them the truth in the scriptures. How am I supposed to gently talk to these people to lead them away from their sin? There seems to be only one option and that is for them to get a divorce... But I don't want to see people in pain either! This is incredibly difficult for me and I am open to advice on how to handle this... Thank you.

I don't think you can tell someone something like this with a smile on your face. It is what it is. Take Jesus' example, and just tell them the way he told people. If you find it hard to do that then maybe an anonymous letter with all the scriptures you can find on divorce and remarriage, and an explanation of why your'e sending it to them. But in any case, I think someone should tell them so they can have the chance to make it right.

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