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how to stop being so miserable?

orangeness365

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Almost every day I say the phrase "I hate you" to myself, and I think about committing suicide. It's been like that since I got diagnosed with mental illness and dropped out of university. I felt so miserable in high school and middle school, but that was because of what I was going through, and I thought things would get better if I studied hard and made it into a good university. Then I dropped out of university. I'm 25 years old and still rotting in my parent's basement. For the past three years I've been been taking only one or two classes at a time at a community college. If everything goes perfectly I'll transfer to another four year college at the age of 29 years old. I feel like such a failure, both according to the world, and as a Christian. I had magical thinking while I was psychotic and there were all these horrible things I commanded to happen merely by thinking about them, and I'm really ashamed of what i would have done just because the voices told me to and said they were God. i know God is not like that, but I fell for it anyways. i can't live with myself knowing what i would have done. I spent my whole life thinking that i was this great person, but I was only kidding myself. I know that inwardly I'm a monster, and I'm so ashamed of myself. There's nothing bad even going on in my life at this point, but I'm just so miserable. I pretty much don't even feel love anymore, and I don't know if that is a character defect or just a result of my mental illness. I'm constantly worried about becoming homeless in the future. I got a job part time, but only because my dad gave it to me, making feel like a user. In my whole life I haven't really helped anyone. I'm incredibly selfish and cowardly, and everyday I wake up and have to remember all over again my reality and I don't really even know why I want to commit suicide because I have an easy life, a family, and a home. Why can't I just be happy?
 

Tempura

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Whenever I feel like that (or more likely when someone else feels like that, since I have troubles getting out of that "my failures matter more" mindset too), it's good to look at others. Not the ones you compare yourself to and feel bad about yourself, but those who have nothing. I'm not saying "others have it worse than that", and thus neglecting you. This is something different. Think about someone who has absolutely nothing. Look at someone who is absolutely miserable. If you don't know anyone like that, you can imagine one - it's not like you would be making up things that don't exist, since misery is everywhere.

Now, think of that person, imagine you're looking at them. Are they cold? Are they ashamed? Do they hate themselves? More importantly, what do you feel about them? Do you hate them? Do you think the world would be better off without them? No, you have compassion. Here's the trick how we know that what we feel about ourselves isn't right or true, it's just in our minds. That person made you feel like you want to help him/her, that they matter. Why are you so different, then? You're not. You matter too.

There were long periods in my 20s when I lived at home. Sometimes I was between jobs, sometimes my relationships went wrong with the people I lived with and couldn't afford the places on my own, and sometimes I was just feeling like a coward, sitting in my comfort zone, afraid to do anything. My cousin was like that too. He's over 30, and he just moved out and got some part-time job. This happens everywhere, you are definitely not as alone as you think. In some cultures people share that one home, all their lives, and it's considered honorable and normal. I personally think that we worship "independence culture" way too much. We don't have real communities that much anymore. Everyone is supposed to just go off alone, work in a cubicle, get back to his/her empty apartment and fall asleep, dreaming of a slightly bigger cubicle and a person to share that apartment with. Not to say that I don't appreciate people who make things happen by themselves - my parents surely did that - but in the end, even for them, it was about getting a home where they could raise me.

And don't you worry about "using" your dad. Everyone uses connections, and a job is a job. Every one of my family members or friends the same age as me or younger, at least most of them, have at some point had jobs (full- or part-time) they got with connections. It's a matter of us helping one another, to truly feel connected, and I think it's good. Family should mean more than a name.

Your hallucinations and psychotic episodes. That wasn't you. And if it was, your reasoning was hindered by your illness. So why do you call yourself a monster? Do you think others don't have dark sides to them? You just told me yours, so I'll tell you mine. Once I was a drunk. Not because I found it fun, but because I couldn't cope with several issues. One of the issues was my then girlfriend, or rather what had happened to her in the past. There was a disgusting crime committed against her, and I knew the people who did it. Nothing came out of it in court. I wanted to kill those people. I wanted to kill every last one one of them. I would fall asleep imagining myself breaking into their apartments and murdering them. I fantasized about torturing them. I even thought about: what if their families (they had ones) were there? I thought several different scenarios. I was filled with hate, so damn filled with it that it tore me apart that I had trouble sleeping because of it. Obviously I never made serious plans to go through with it - thank God - but the hate was real. Does that sound christian to you? It doesn't, because it isn't. If you called yourself a monster, what am I? The monster captain? What I felt, what I wanted, was sick and wrong. And after all that, I believe God loves me just as much as you. Not because I deserve it, but because He is God, and He gives His grace freely, so we would look up to Him and thank Him, and try to love one another in the same way. It is true that none of us can boast, and it's liberating.

You can turn those thoughts into something positive. It rarely happens like turning a switch, but God's ways are incredible. And I think you're not that far away, you just need to get over the worst. You can turn hating yourself into healthy humility. You can turn all the things you are ashamed about into advice for people who suffer from the same things. You can turn enduring these times into patience. God will always be there.

Hope my ramblings didn't get on your nerves.
 
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orangeness365

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Whenever I feel like that (or more likely when someone else feels like that, since I have troubles getting out of that "my failures matter more" mindset too), it's good to look at others. Not the ones you compare yourself to and feel bad about yourself, but those who have nothing. I'm not saying "others have it worse than that", and thus neglecting you. This is something different. Think about someone who has absolutely nothing. Look at someone who is absolutely miserable. If you don't know anyone like that, you can imagine one - it's not like you would be making up things that don't exist, since misery is everywhere.

Now, think of that person, imagine you're looking at them. Are they cold? Are they ashamed? Do they hate themselves? More importantly, what do you feel about them? Do you hate them? Do you think the world would be better off without them? No, you have compassion. Here's the trick how we know that what we feel about ourselves isn't right or true, it's just in our minds. That person made you feel like you want to help him/her, that they matter. Why are you so different, then? You're not. You matter too.

There were long periods in my 20s when I lived at home. Sometimes I was between jobs, sometimes my relationships went wrong with the people I lived with and couldn't afford the places on my own, and sometimes I was just feeling like a coward, sitting in my comfort zone, afraid to do anything. My cousin was like that too. He's over 30, and he just moved out and got some part-time job. This happens everywhere, you are definitely not as alone as you think. In some cultures people share that one home, all their lives, and it's considered honorable and normal. I personally think that we worship "independence culture" way too much. We don't have real communities that much anymore. Everyone is supposed to just go off alone, work in a cubicle, get back to his/her empty apartment and fall asleep, dreaming of a slightly bigger cubicle and a person to share that apartment with. Not to say that I don't appreciate people who make things happen by themselves - my parents surely did that - but in the end, even for them, it was about getting a home where they could raise me.

And don't you worry about "using" your dad. Everyone uses connections, and a job is a job. Every one of my family members or friends the same age as me or younger, at least most of them, have at some point had jobs (full- or part-time) they got with connections. It's a matter of us helping one another, to truly feel connected, and I think it's good. Family should mean more than a name.

Your hallucinations and psychotic episodes. That wasn't you. And if it was, your reasoning was hindered by your illness. So why do you call yourself a monster? Do you think others don't have dark sides to them? You just told me yours, so I'll tell you mine. Once I was a drunk. Not because I found it fun, but because I couldn't cope with several issues. One of the issues was my then girlfriend, or rather what had happened to her in the past. There was a disgusting crime committed against her, and I knew the people who did it. Nothing came out of it in court. I wanted to kill those people. I wanted to kill every last one one of them. I would fall asleep imagining myself breaking into their apartments and murdering them. I fantasized about torturing them. I even thought about: what if their families (they had ones) were there? I thought several different scenarios. I was filled with hate, so damn filled with it that it tore me apart that I had trouble sleeping because of it. Obviously I never made serious plans to go through with it - thank God - but the hate was real. Does that sound christian to you? It doesn't, because it isn't. If you called yourself a monster, what am I? The monster captain? What I felt, what I wanted, was sick and wrong. And after all that, I believe God loves me just as much as you. Not because I deserve it, but because He is God, and He gives His grace freely, so we would look up to Him and thank Him, and try to love one another in the same way. It is true that none of us can boast, and it's liberating.

You can turn those thoughts into something positive. It rarely happens like turning a switch, but God's ways are incredible. And I think you're not that far away, you just need to get over the worst. You can turn hating yourself into healthy humility. You can turn all the things you are ashamed about into advice for people who suffer from the same things. You can turn enduring these times into patience. God will always be there.

Hope my ramblings didn't get on your nerves.

I do sometimes think about others who have nothing, like the homeless, or people that are born into nothing, or are orphans in other countries where they have zero chance to succeed. I haven't been thinking about it as much recently though. I know you're right, but I feel like because I was born into a family and given opportunities and still failed that it's not really fair to compare myself to those that never had a chance. My psychologist tries to get me to envision another person like myself and ask if I would be as hard on them as i am on myself. I guess not, I guess I expect more of myself than of others. I know there are other people that struggle to move out too, but I'm probably going to live with my parents until they pass away, because I'm too much of a coward to learn to drive to new places on my own, and because I wouldn't be able to afford it anytime soon. I'm hoping to buy a self driving car as soon as I can afford to. I hope they come down in price quickly, because maybe then I'll go more places and try making friends, although by then I probably won't even want to anymore. I probably will never be fully independent, so I guess I should probably stop worrying about it so much. I feel bad for my sister because even though I'm happy that she is completely independent and has a high paying job, she spends most of her time alone, although she got a new job back east and is making friends with a lot of coworkers really fast. But she lives all by herself. i try to text her all of the time but I think she still gets lonely. I keep telling her that she should consider getting married even if she doesn't have kids, we both have the same illness so we both don't want to have kids, but I think she is too shy and has had to many relationships and friendships that didn't work that she is kind of set in her ways and doesn't really want to deal with getting married anymore. I'll try not to feel like a user. It's just I used to think that I was going to be independent but now I always worry about who is going to take care of me if I can't take care of myself, and if I'll end up homeless someday. My thoughts were similar to yours, as far as the dark side is concerned, but it was based on being delusional and thinking about what was going to happen in my delusional mind. At least your reason was because you wanted to protect someone or for there to be some kind of justice. Mine were completely selfish and based on events that never even happened. I know God loves everyone, but I have trouble believing i can go to heaven after that, since it was more than just thoughts, but decisions. Thanks for the help.
 
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Tempura

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Brother, you'll get plenty of chances to confront your every fear. As will I. At some point, they won't seem like traps, but what they are - chances.

No reason to be so hard on yourself. I know it's easy to say. But life is a journey, and we cannot stop learning. Which is good, because we certainly want to stop learning many things, but we can't avoid it.

My dark side was pure selfishness. I could pretend and say it was about justice, but it wasn't.

Christ didn't come to put more chains on us. We can't "earn" our way to heaven. That's why your troubles believing that you can't go to heaven are...void, null. They don't matter, because Christ already did it. That's what it's about. It's not about what we did wrong, or what we can do right, it's about what Christ did. When you see your own bad actions as something more powerful than Christ's sacrifice, aren't you giving your own sins more power? We don't have that power! Look at Paul. He persecuted and murdered christians. God showed His grace in Paul, too. And Paul never even asked for it. You are utterly ashamed before God, like the tax collector who was praying next to the pharisee. Christ had sympathy for the tax collector.

We can have planks in your eyes when we judge ourselves too, not only when we accuse other people.

Just hang on in there. Let the love in. That love and grace is already yours, you're just not seeing it. In time you will. Said a little prayer for you. God bless.
 
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Job8

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In my whole life I haven't really helped anyone. I'm incredibly selfish and cowardly, and everyday I wake up and have to remember all over again my reality and I don't really even know why I want to commit suicide because I have an easy life, a family, and a home. Why can't I just be happy?
You can be happy. Just get a pen and and a piece of paper and write this in all caps and post it where you can read it:

1. GOD HAS GIVEN ME THE ABILITY TO CONTROL MY THOUGHTS.
2. MY THOUGHTS CONTROL MY ACTIONS.
3. TODAY I WILL FIND AT LEAST ONE PERSON TO COMPLIMENT.
4. TODAY I WILL FIND AT LEAST ONE PERSON TO HELP.
5. EACH DAY I WILL FOCUS ON THE NEEDS OF OTHERS.
6. I WILL REMIND MYSELF DAILY THAT SUICIDE IS FOR COWARDS, AND I AM NOT A COWARD.
7. I WILL THEN BE EXTREMELY HAPPY.
 
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Celticroots

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You don't have to have a reason to have depression. Depression is an illness. It's needs to be taken seriously and treated. It's not as simple as writing a list of things and looking at it every day. Depression can warp your thinking in awful ways. I speak from experience. If your depression is very bad, have you thought anti-depressants? Do you have any support in real life?

Oh, and as someone who lost a loved one to suicide, I do not consider them a coward. I consider them a strong person with an illness that they eventually felt they couldn't beat. Please seek help!
 
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orangeness365

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You don't have to have a reason to have depression. Depression is an illness. It's needs to be taken seriously and treated. It's not as simple as writing a list of things and looking at it every day. Depression can warp your thinking in awful ways. I speak from experience. If your depression is very bad, have you thought anti-depressants? Do you have any support in real life?

Oh, and as someone who lost a loved one to suicide, I do not consider them a coward. I consider them a strong person with an illness that they eventually felt they couldn't beat. Please seek help!

I'm on antidepressants right now, see a psychologist, and have a family. I try not to talk about it too much with my family about my depression though because they all also have depression and I don't want to bring them down. They can't really handle listening to me rant about depression. I'm sorry about your loss.
 
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Celticroots

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I am glad you see a psychologist and are on anti-depressants. I have depression as well and am on anti-depressants. They've helped me a ton and I believe the Lord guided me to them. I don't have a lot to say right now other than I know how much depression sucks. I too feel like a failure-26 and still living with my Mom.
 
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Davidabear

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Hey I am going through something kinda of similar. A book that helped me is called when the darkness will not lift by John piper. Also, as hard as this is, you will need to start to fight your feelings. That is what faith is all about. If we waited until we felt like doing things, then nothing would ever get done. This isn't easy and I encourage you to start small. Almost like working out at the gym. You have to build those spiritual muscles that help you deny the flesh. I said a prayer for you and I not in any way demenishing your struggle, but I want to offer practical advice. Being a Christian is about faith in Christ. He calls us to deny ourselves. That is a supernatural skill. Ask for His help and then step out in faith despite what your emotions or feelings are telling you. Satan wants you in bondage forever. Christ came to set the captives free. Its the good fight of faith. Christ never promised it would be easy. In fact, it will be the hardest thing ever, but the fact is, once we have truly died to self. Life becomes liberating and we find freedom. Don't rush God's work, but also don't give up earnestly seeking after Him.

God bless you!
 
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orangeness365

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I am glad you see a psychologist and are on anti-depressants. I have depression as well and am on anti-depressants. They've helped me a ton and I believe the Lord guided me to them. I don't have a lot to say right now other than I know how much depression sucks. I too feel like a failure-26 and still living with my Mom.

yeah it's hard being this old and still living with my parents.
 
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orangeness365

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Hey I am going through something kinda of similar. A book that helped me is called when the darkness will not lift by John piper. Also, as hard as this is, you will need to start to fight your feelings. That is what faith is all about. If we waited until we felt like doing things, then nothing would ever get done. This isn't easy and I encourage you to start small. Almost like working out at the gym. You have to build those spiritual muscles that help you deny the flesh. I said a prayer for you and I not in any way demenishing your struggle, but I want to offer practical advice. Being a Christian is about faith in Christ. He calls us to deny ourselves. That is a supernatural skill. Ask for His help and then step out in faith despite what your emotions or feelings are telling you. Satan wants you in bondage forever. Christ came to set the captives free. Its the good fight of faith. Christ never promised it would be easy. In fact, it will be the hardest thing ever, but the fact is, once we have truly died to self. Life becomes liberating and we find freedom. Don't rush God's work, but also don't give up earnestly seeking after Him.

God bless you!

Thank you. I will try to remember to get the book. God bless you too.
 
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.Mikha'el.

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Almost every day I say the phrase "I hate you" to myself, and I think about committing suicide. It's been like that since I got diagnosed with mental illness and dropped out of university. I felt so miserable in high school and middle school, but that was because of what I was going through, and I thought things would get better if I studied hard and made it into a good university. Then I dropped out of university. I'm 25 years old and still rotting in my parent's basement. For the past three years I've been been taking only one or two classes at a time at a community college. If everything goes perfectly I'll transfer to another four year college at the age of 29 years old. I feel like such a failure, both according to the world, and as a Christian. I had magical thinking while I was psychotic and there were all these horrible things I commanded to happen merely by thinking about them, and I'm really ashamed of what i would have done just because the voices told me to and said they were God. i know God is not like that, but I fell for it anyways. i can't live with myself knowing what i would have done. I spent my whole life thinking that i was this great person, but I was only kidding myself. I know that inwardly I'm a monster, and I'm so ashamed of myself. There's nothing bad even going on in my life at this point, but I'm just so miserable. I pretty much don't even feel love anymore, and I don't know if that is a character defect or just a result of my mental illness. I'm constantly worried about becoming homeless in the future. I got a job part time, but only because my dad gave it to me, making feel like a user. In my whole life I haven't really helped anyone. I'm incredibly selfish and cowardly, and everyday I wake up and have to remember all over again my reality and I don't really even know why I want to commit suicide because I have an easy life, a family, and a home. Why can't I just be happy?

I know the feeling all too well. :( I wish I knew what to say. I'll give you a few :hug::hug::hug::hug:
 
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Jeshu

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Almost every day I say the phrase "I hate you" to myself, and I think about committing suicide. It's been like that since I got diagnosed with mental illness and dropped out of university. I felt so miserable in high school and middle school, but that was because of what I was going through, and I thought things would get better if I studied hard and made it into a good university. Then I dropped out of university. I'm 25 years old and still rotting in my parent's basement. For the past three years I've been been taking only one or two classes at a time at a community college. If everything goes perfectly I'll transfer to another four year college at the age of 29 years old. I feel like such a failure, both according to the world, and as a Christian. I had magical thinking while I was psychotic and there were all these horrible things I commanded to happen merely by thinking about them, and I'm really ashamed of what i would have done just because the voices told me to and said they were God. i know God is not like that, but I fell for it anyways. i can't live with myself knowing what i would have done. I spent my whole life thinking that i was this great person, but I was only kidding myself. I know that inwardly I'm a monster, and I'm so ashamed of myself. There's nothing bad even going on in my life at this point, but I'm just so miserable. I pretty much don't even feel love anymore, and I don't know if that is a character defect or just a result of my mental illness. I'm constantly worried about becoming homeless in the future. I got a job part time, but only because my dad gave it to me, making feel like a user. In my whole life I haven't really helped anyone. I'm incredibly selfish and cowardly, and everyday I wake up and have to remember all over again my reality and I don't really even know why I want to commit suicide because I have an easy life, a family, and a home. Why can't I just be happy?

It is a real pain to have a psychotic illness I know all about that. I went so far that I claimed to be god myself, I did that twice) after I chased my loving family of the property and behaved like a real idiot. I hated myself for years and thought that I must surely be the anti-christ and the son of lawlessness rolled into one and was destined to go to hell.

However it was all in my head - it was not the truth - the truth was and is that God loves me and has a special task laid aside for me to complete on this earth, we have and we all do.

The first task God gave me was to learn to love myself again, it took me years to find some self-respect back but it did come. He made me realise that I had been sowing bad life in my heart for years, self-hate, hopelessness, despair, guilt, shame, fear, sadness and the lies and that this was the main reason I had been down for so long. So I began to grow good life, where instead of bad thoughts I forced myself to have good thoughts - based on the promises of the bible - and so rebuild my reality.

A reality where love and goodwill stood central and God and neighbour were loved instead of hated and disliked. It took me years to undo what took me a life time to build, but good life did come back again.

Be of good courage faith in God's word has enormous power to bring us our good life back that is for sure.

:hug:

To God's Depressed Child,

To think less of yourself then God's own
Brings you much pain and suffering.
Your worth is an incredible high price
Also for you did Jesus die on the cross.

Depression is also what devil's lies brings inside
letting a low-self-esteem your good life rob
Untruths roaming freely through heart and mind
Evil lies extinguishing all happiness and fun.

His loving truth brings you His good life
While to believe lies brings pain and grief
So hold onto the promises Jesus made to you
and don't let Satan your good life squander.

Take hold of God's precious loving truth.
A life in Him stays safe from lies that hurt.
Jesus' truth will comfort your bleeding heart
Lovingly remaking your fallen life anew.
 
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orangeness365

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It is a real pain to have a psychotic illness I know all about that. I went so far that I claimed to be god myself, I did that twice) after I chased my loving family of the property and behaved like a real idiot. I hated myself for years and thought that I must surely be the anti-christ and the son of lawlessness rolled into one and was destined to go to hell.

However it was all in my head - it was not the truth - the truth was and is that God loves me and has a special task laid aside for me to complete on this earth, we have and we all do.

The first task God gave me was to learn to love myself again, it took me years to find some self-respect back but it did come. He made me realise that I had been sowing bad life in my heart for years, self-hate, hopelessness, despair, guilt, shame, fear, sadness and the lies and that this was the main reason I had been down for so long. So I began to grow good life, where instead of bad thoughts I forced myself to have good thoughts - based on the promises of the bible - and so rebuild my reality.

A reality where love and goodwill stood central and God and neighbour were loved instead of hated and disliked. It took me years to undo what took me a life time to build, but good life did come back again.

Be of good courage faith in God's word has enormous power to bring us our good life back that is for sure.

:hug:

To God's Depressed Child,

To think less of yourself then God's own
Brings you much pain and suffering.
Your worth is an incredible high price
Also for you did Jesus die on the cross.

Depression is also what devil's lies brings inside
letting a low-self-esteem your good life rob
Untruths roaming freely through heart and mind
Evil lies extinguishing all happiness and fun.

His loving truth brings you His good life
While to believe lies brings pain and grief
So hold onto the promises Jesus made to you
and don't let Satan your good life squander.

Take hold of God's precious loving truth.
A life in Him stays safe from lies that hurt.
Jesus' truth will comfort your bleeding heart
Lovingly remaking your fallen life anew.

yes psychosis is horrible. I thought I was a prophet and told my family about it and posted anonymously online stuff I'd really rather take back. I also thought that I had been appointed as some kind of judge and condemned pretty much everyone to hell because the voices claimed to be God and told me to. I'm afraid now for being a false prophet and condemning pretty much everyone, even if it was just in my mind. I relate to all the stuff you said, self-hate, hopelessness, despair, guilt, shame, fear, and sadness. I don't have the discipline to think happy thoughts when I feel like this, or really even study all that much. I'm barely scrapping by right now. thanks for the reply.
 
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Tempura

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I don't have the discipline to think happy thoughts when I feel like this

You don't have to. You can be as weak as you are. But God is good, and His love if perfect. I find comfort in that. I can't change myself with "happy thoughts" either.
 
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Jeshu

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yes psychosis is horrible. I thought I was a prophet and told my family about it and posted anonymously online stuff I'd really rather take back. I also thought that I had been appointed as some kind of judge and condemned pretty much everyone to hell because the voices claimed to be God and told me to. I'm afraid now for being a false prophet and condemning pretty much everyone, even if it was just in my mind. I relate to all the stuff you said, self-hate, hopelessness, despair, guilt, shame, fear, and sadness. I don't have the discipline to think happy thoughts when I feel like this, or really even study all that much. I'm barely scrapping by right now. thanks for the reply.


Yeah I condemned everybody to hell as well while I thought I was god, a miserable business being psychotic and not knowing what you are doing. I have had 8 major psychotic episodes in just 15 years and wrecked my mental health completely during this time. The good thing was that the judgement I used was used upon me and all the bad life doing the judging has completely perished out of me, now I haven't got any judgement left on any miserable sinner just grace and pity while I know that evil making us sinners is judged. I feel very safe about that.

Sowing positive stuff doesn't have to be much effort, simply disagree with the lies of your depression and confirm the truth of God - keep on doing that. My first efforts were seconds which turned to minutes, which turned into hours, which turned into days and then into weeks and into years, all in all over a 10 year period of time. It amazed me how well this worked within just a few months of starting and renewed my faith in the goodness and love of God for His creatures. I never started to study God's word ages after I started sowing good thoughts and feelings, just read it - even one verse can make all the difference.

Acts 2:21
And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.’

ponder on that line for a bit and see for yourself that God's word is very useful in fighting the lies of depression.
 
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orangeness365

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Yeah I condemned everybody to hell as well while I thought I was god, a miserable business being psychotic and not knowing what you are doing. I have had 8 major psychotic episodes in just 15 years and wrecked my mental health completely during this time. The good thing was that the judgement I used was used upon me and all the bad life doing the judging has completely perished out of me, now I haven't got any judgement left on any miserable sinner just grace and pity while I know that evil making us sinners is judged. I feel very safe about that.

Sowing positive stuff doesn't have to be much effort, simply disagree with the lies of your depression and confirm the truth of God - keep on doing that. My first efforts were seconds which turned to minutes, which turned into hours, which turned into days and then into weeks and into years, all in all over a 10 year period of time. It amazed me how well this worked within just a few months of starting and renewed my faith in the goodness and love of God for His creatures. I never started to study God's word ages after I started sowing good thoughts and feelings, just read it - even one verse can make all the difference.

Acts 2:21
And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.’

ponder on that line for a bit and see for yourself that God's word is very useful in fighting the lies of depression.

After judging everyone to hell, I've found that I don't want to do that anymore either. I should read the Bible more often too.
 
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