Here is what happens when I sing. What should I do about it?

LovebirdsFlying

My husband drew this cartoon of me.
Christian Forums Staff
Red Team - Moderator
Supporter
Aug 13, 2007
28,727
4,216
59
Washington (the state)
✟832,886.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
I grew up in a musically inclined family, but I was left out of a lot of it. Specifically, although I was often asked to sing at parties and other family gatherings, my brothers were taught to play the guitar, while my sister and I never had lesson one. I don't know if that's a gender-related exclusion or not, but it's only part of the picture. Piano/organ/electronic keyboard is more my instrument, but what I know of it is largely self-taught.

My first marriage was to a professional singer who ridiculed me at every turn, and later admitted he was doing it on purpose. It was an abusive situation, and this is a small part of the reason we didn't stay together.

By "sing," nowadays, I don't mean standing on a stage with an audience. I'm not even asking people to listen to me. I'm talking about singing along with the radio while doing household chores, or making up some silly jingle about one of the cats, and singing it to the cat. Any time I do this, what most commonly happens is that I get two lines into it when someone will suddenly choose that moment to ask me a question or otherwise engage me in conversation. After that, a few minutes of silence pass, I resume singing, and boom, another question. It could keep on like that forever. First husband did it constantly, and eventually admitted he was doing it deliberately to shut me up. Other people who do this, if asked, will swear up and down I have a nice voice, and they are not intentionally trying to get me to stop singing--but then they keep right on doing it. They'll usually let me get through the cat jingles, but singing any other song, no way. Even my present-day husband will do this. It's the same as with anybody else. The car radio is playing, I start singing along, and suddenly there is a question he needs to ask me. Of course I can't just keep singing and ignore him, but I can't sing and answer him at the same time, so I have to stop singing. Never fails. He swears he's not doing it on purpose, but he keeps doing it.

Other methods used by various people over the years:
* Making a "joke" about how bad I am. ("Who's signing this song?" - "That's Michael Jackson." - "Oh. Well, let's keep it that way.") If somebody asks, they will claim they were "just kidding," and I'm not actually bad. Given the entire picture, though, I wonder.
* Howling like a dog.
* Turning on the radio, if I'm not already singing along with it. If I am, changing the station.
* Turning on the TV, or the computer to watch a You-Tube video.
* Starting to sing an entirely different song, more loudly.

The people doing these things will always claim that they are not trying to stop me from singing. Keep in mind, it is always someone who is related to me or otherwise claims to love me. If I complain, I have a negative attitude, I'm self-centered, I can't take a joke, and all kinds of other awful things about me.

After all of this, I'm convinced. I'm horrible. You can't pry another note out of me with a crowbar. Not even the cat jingles. I've sung my last one. If you were in my shoes, would you just stop singing altogether? Would you limit it to times when you are alone? Or am I so bad, even God doesn't want to hear me? (Because if I am alone, the phone will ring or something.) I can't really stay away from everybody all the time, can I?
 
  • Like
Reactions: brinny

tturt

Senior Veteran
Supporter
Oct 30, 2006
15,761
7,236
✟789,115.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
posted: God doesn't want to hear me?

I don't sing well. But it doesn't really matter whether we can sing or not because -

Yahweh says "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord. Serve the Lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing." Isn't that great? We need to change our mental recordings to Psa 100!
 
  • Like
Reactions: brinny
Upvote 0

LovebirdsFlying

My husband drew this cartoon of me.
Christian Forums Staff
Red Team - Moderator
Supporter
Aug 13, 2007
28,727
4,216
59
Washington (the state)
✟832,886.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
Thank you. So sing anyway, even if I sound like a dying moose? What do I do when the specifically targeted "oh, by the way" interruptions start, then?
 
  • Like
Reactions: brinny
Upvote 0

paul1149

that your faith might rest in the power of God
Supporter
Mar 22, 2011
8,460
5,268
NY
✟674,364.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
Politics
US-Others
What I would do is get alone and record yourself, you can do it on the computer, and objectively decide what you sound like. That should give you some input to go on. I think it's important to sing though, no matter what. It's part of the rejoicing we need to be about as much as possible, to keep our shields up against this evil world. So this shouldn't be a question of whether to sing or not, but rather, if anything, when to sing. Don't let the criticism get you down, but instead seek wisdom to know how to proceed.
 
  • Like
Reactions: brinny
Upvote 0

BFine

Seed Planter
Jul 19, 2011
7,293
658
My room
✟11,098.00
Faith
Calvary Chapel
Marital Status
Married
I was in chorus in high school...no, I don't
sing good at all...the music teacher would
tell me not to sing... lip-sync instead he'd
say.
I wouldn't do that either, I kept right on
singing!
People do the interruption thingy
with me also, I answer their questions and keep
on singing...I don't do it loudly but not in a
whisper either.
 
  • Like
Reactions: brinny
Upvote 0

LovebirdsFlying

My husband drew this cartoon of me.
Christian Forums Staff
Red Team - Moderator
Supporter
Aug 13, 2007
28,727
4,216
59
Washington (the state)
✟832,886.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
When I get interrupted (and I will) should I answer their question, or should I go on singing just to demonstrate that I'm on to what they're doing, and I'm not going to let them?

Simul-post with BFine, who just answered that. :wave:
 
  • Like
Reactions: brinny
Upvote 0

roamer_1

Well-Known Member
Jan 12, 2016
738
337
Northwest Montana, USA
✟23,570.00
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Others
After all of this, I'm convinced. I'm horrible. You can't pry another note out of me with a crowbar. Not even the cat jingles. I've sung my last one. If you were in my shoes, would you just stop singing altogether? Would you limit it to times when you are alone? Or am I so bad, even God doesn't want to hear me? (Because if I am alone, the phone will ring or something.) I can't really stay away from everybody all the time, can I?

*shrugs* I used to perform. I can play any of the instruments of guitar family, and used to sing passing fair - good enough to play in bands, and sing for folks around a campfire.

Won't go into the why of it, but the Father shut me up... I can't sing two lines of anything without getting emotional to the point of wrecking the song. Even happy stuff just makes me weep... the beauty of music overcomes me. My soul soars, but my body weeps with the beauty of it... Weird, huh? So I shut up. I quit. Went years without it...

But I have to sing. It is a part of me. I cannot be without it. It brings me unparalelled joy.

So now, rather than shutting up, I wait till I am alone, turn it up, and I sing my butt off. Believe me, it would do no one else any good to hear me choking, croaking, and sobbing my way through 'El Shaddai', But it isn't *for* anyone else.. It is between me and the Father, and he doesn't seem to mind...
 
  • Like
Reactions: brinny
Upvote 0

paul1149

that your faith might rest in the power of God
Supporter
Mar 22, 2011
8,460
5,268
NY
✟674,364.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
Politics
US-Others
When I was young I somehow got the message that I had a terrible voice. I grew up very self-conscious about it and found it very hard to sing out, despite being musical and playing guitar in various bands. Then I found the Lord, and with Him the ultimate purpose of music, and I began to sing. One thing led to another and not much later I was leading worship and performing solos in churches.

Past performance does not necessarily indicate future yields. Sing to the Lord and see how far it takes you.
 
  • Like
Reactions: brinny
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

LovebirdsFlying

My husband drew this cartoon of me.
Christian Forums Staff
Red Team - Moderator
Supporter
Aug 13, 2007
28,727
4,216
59
Washington (the state)
✟832,886.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
LOL....you could sing out the reply to
their question--
Now, that made me laugh. :D

Thank you, I needed that.

OK, I won't stop singing, but I might need a little while before I start again.
 
  • Like
Reactions: brinny
Upvote 0

actionsub

Sir, this is a Wendy's...
Jun 20, 2004
899
296
Belleville, IL
✟57,245.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
I grew up in a musically inclined family, but I was left out of a lot of it. Specifically, although I was often asked to sing at parties and other family gatherings, my brothers were taught to play the guitar, while my sister and I never had lesson one. I don't know if that's a gender-related exclusion or not, but it's only part of the picture. Piano/organ/electronic keyboard is more my instrument, but what I know of it is largely self-taught.


After all of this, I'm convinced. I'm horrible. You can't pry another note out of me with a crowbar. Not even the cat jingles. I've sung my last one. If you were in my shoes, would you just stop singing altogether? Would you limit it to times when you are alone? Or am I so bad, even God doesn't want to hear me? (Because if I am alone, the phone will ring or something.) I can't really stay away from everybody all the time, can I?

My ex-wife, due to hearing loss, is extremely tone deaf. (It doesn't help things that I'm not...) I try to ignore it because I don't want to bruise her spirit, but with some boundaries...

-I don't let her sing along with the National Anthem. I've told her when she sings it, the terrorists win. (<rimshot>)
-In church, anything is fair game. She's praising God.
-Around the house, I grin and bear it.

I'm pretty sure God likes it when you sing, though. (Consider the phone interruptions might be the Enemy trying to stifle your praise, too.)
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Goodbook

Reading the Bible
Jan 22, 2011
22,090
5,106
New Zealand
Visit site
✟78,865.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
In Relationship
It could be the songs you are singing arent cheesy enough.
For example, most people cant sing whitney houstons i will always love you and get away with it.

You need to be singing simpler songs like..Top of the World that are so happy and cheerful that everyone can join in.
Or You are my sunshine.
 
Upvote 0