Texting about upcoming graduation and retirement announcements

DawnInVirginia

Active Member
Aug 26, 2015
154
164
Virginia
✟19,091.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Constitution
I'll try to make this brief, but please ask for further information in order to form your answer/opinion.

My niece (early 40's) who I was reunited with 6 years ago, after being separated from for 35 years (long story), professes her deep love of Jesus, which I believe. However, I feel her "longing to know all the family", had less to do with longing to know my side of the family, as it does with "longing" to know what she can get out of each of us financially.

That said, she sent out a bulk text saying the upcoming graduation announcements for her daughter, and her husband's retirement (USPS) will be going out at the end of the week, then mentioned the date for each event, adding where her husband and daughter are registered for gifts. Yes, registered for gifts.

She did this with her other daughter, when the girl graduated from high school. Personally, I never heard of registering for a high school graduation gift, and found it a bit presumptuous, as well as greedy. I chose not to buy anything off the registry, instead sending a check for the same amount I send to all high school grads.

I feel I'm a generous person, but I'm not a cash cow, especially for people I've met once. I only hear from my niece prior to her birthday (a few short text messages from her) and just before Christmas.

My husband said to just ignore the announcements, since he feels (and I tend to agree at this point) the only purpose this side of the family serves for them, is a potential pool for gifts or cash.

What say you?

Thanks for any input!
 
Last edited:

Albion

Facilitator
Dec 8, 2004
111,138
33,258
✟583,842.00
Country
United States
Faith
Anglican
Marital Status
Married
It sounds like you've pegged the situation correctly. However, taking no notice at all of the upcoming events does pretty much mean you're breaking off contact or showing a willingness for it to be that way. A polite and sincerely congratulatory response with, perhaps, a token gift or at least a card would avoid that.
 
Upvote 0

jimmyjimmy

Pardoned Rebel
Supporter
Jan 2, 2015
11,556
5,728
USA
✟234,973.00
Country
United States
Faith
Presbyterian
Marital Status
Married
I'll try to make this brief, but please ask for further information in order to form your answer/opinion.

My niece (early 40's) who I was reunited with 6 years ago, after being separated from for 35 years (long story), professes her deep love of Jesus, which I believe. However, I feel her "longing to know all the family", had less to do with longing to know my side of the family, as it does with "longing" to know what she can get out of each us financially.

That said, she sent out a bulk text saying the upcoming graduation announcements for her daughter, and her husband's retirement (USPS) will be going out at the end of the week, then mentioned the date for each event, adding where her husband and daughter are registered for gifts. Yes, registered for gifts.

She did this with her daughter, when the girl graduated from high school. Personally, I never heard of registering for a high school graduation gift, and found it a bit presumptuous, as well as greedy. I chose not to buy anything off the registry, instead sending a check for the same amount I send to all high school grads.

I feel I'm a generous person, but I'm not a cash cow, especially for people I've met once. I only hear from my niece prior to her birthday (a few short text messages from her) and just before Christmas.

My husband said to just ignore the announcements, since he feels (and I tend to agree at this point) the only purpose this side of the family serves for them, is a potential pool for gifts or cash.

What say you?

Thanks for any input!

Registering for graduation or retirements is a new one on me. Without further information, it sounds like you've done the right thing.

You might want to test her desire to get to know you by offering interaction without any hope of cash.
 
Upvote 0

BFine

Seed Planter
Jul 19, 2011
7,293
658
My room
✟11,098.00
Faith
Calvary Chapel
Marital Status
Married
It's a trend in places...some join in, others don't.

It's like people who do those destination weddings...
I recall a woman at church who shared about her granddaughter who was having her wedding in another
country, the woman couldn't afford to attend the wedding,
so she sent a bridal gift and a greeting card.

Many of these trends are inspired by celebrities.
 
Upvote 0

Goodbook

Reading the Bible
Jan 22, 2011
22,090
5,106
New Zealand
Visit site
✟78,865.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
In Relationship
I never heard of such a practice. Only for weddings, not graduations.

I didnt expect any gift upon my graduation, only my parents to be there and photos taken, or perhaps a special dinner with family. The school did put on lunches and breakfasts. i might have recieved flowers, cant remember. Other family just wished me well.
 
Upvote 0

Goodbook

Reading the Bible
Jan 22, 2011
22,090
5,106
New Zealand
Visit site
✟78,865.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
In Relationship
I would just ignore them. If they just txts, you can delete them. Your phone can only hold so much txts anyway, its not like an emergency or shes calling you and talking to you personally or coming to see you.
Or a special hand written invitation or tickets.
 
Upvote 0

DawnInVirginia

Active Member
Aug 26, 2015
154
164
Virginia
✟19,091.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Constitution
Many thanks for everyone's comments, I appreciate the time and input.

When she first contacted me, I went into the relationship with no expectations other than wanting to know about her and her life up to this point. When we first met, at her brother's house (my nephew, whom I also hadn't seen or had contact with for decades) for his surprise 40th birthday party (arranged by his wife), I enjoyed getting to know her. However, something seemed off; she was too flattering of me, to eager to know every minor detail about my parents, then started asking about other family members....and what they did for a living. Maybe it's me, but I've never been compelled to ask someone what their family members did for a living.

(My nephew didn't seem very interested in me or my side of the family while I was at his house for this surprise weekend. Awkward, but fair enough. Two months after the visit, his wife phoned me sobbing they were going to lose their house because they were behind in payments. Six months behind. I offered advise, but no money. Never heard from them again.)

My niece and I met once more, three years ago, when her husband phoned and asked if she could come out to visit, stating she was too embarrassed to ask. I spoke with her and told her to come out, my husband who has tons of air miles offered to send her free tickets, since she seemed worried about cash. It was an interesting visit, lots of probing about who does what for a living, hinting at not having mementoes of my late parents, asking very probing questions about aunts, uncles and cousins hobbies, travel habits...red flags were flying, in my mind.

I guess the issue for me is feeling guilty as her aunt, feeling I should maintain contact with her, since she is my late sister's daughter. My logical mind, however, tells me trust the red flags and that gut feeling; just do a slow fade and ignore these texts and invitations. :|
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

BFine

Seed Planter
Jul 19, 2011
7,293
658
My room
✟11,098.00
Faith
Calvary Chapel
Marital Status
Married
I'd hold to being in contact (in some way,
shape or form) ...this could be viewed as
a mission field...reaching out to the unsaved
with the Gospel and showing them the love
of Christ.

Diligently pray about this situation and how
to interact with your relatives.
 
Upvote 0

DawnInVirginia

Active Member
Aug 26, 2015
154
164
Virginia
✟19,091.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Constitution
I'd hold to being in contact (in some way,
shape or form) ...this could be viewed as
a mission field...reaching out to the unsaved
with the Gospel and showing them the love
of Christ.

Diligently pray about this situation and how
to interact with your relatives.

She has stated many times she is saved, attends church regularly, use to host a Bible study in her home (but ended it on a whim), and seems to know the Bible.
 
Upvote 0

DawnInVirginia

Active Member
Aug 26, 2015
154
164
Virginia
✟19,091.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Constitution
You choose the amount of contact you have with her, ignore the pleas for money and pray for her instead.

I'm really leaning towards this option, Goodbook. It's obvious to everyone but me, I'm in her life for monetary reasons only. It hurts, of course, but feel I'm only going to be able to love her at a distance, and pray for her and her family.
 
Upvote 0