My son is nearly a teenager and, while physically healthy, is pretty severely emotionally disabled; dozens of doctors, therapists, and researches have not been able to find one diagnosis that really fits. He has severe anxiety, fits of rage in which he has no control of his actions, profound ADHD; kind of a Chinese restaurant menu of symptomology.
In many ways we are fortunate, and I recognize that. He's very intelligent, my work provides us resources to get him medicine and care to help manage, he's not been expelled from school or had problems with police. Life could be a whole lot worse.
But at the same time I find myself feeling really bitter at God that this burden was passed to me. I know the doctrine is that God will not test us more than we can handle but it takes every single ounce of my mental and emotional strength to get through each day. If I allow myself to think about the next day, or the next year, it just feels like there is no hope.
From an atheistic or even deist perspective I can understand my situation. Genetics came about and God has no real day-to-day involvement in it if He's even there at all. But I know God is there. There have been times in my life before this when I called out and felt His presence. But it seems no matter how much I prey, or whether I prey or not, things don't change. I've seen direct intervention before, so I can only conclude that if this is the way things are it is because this is how God has decided they must be.
I find myself remembering a preacher saying that when you ask God for patience, He gives you trials to help you learn patience. Years ago, in college, I wanted to have the inner peace of the Buddha. I can't help wondering if because of that God gave me my son...and is now just sitting back laughing and laughing. (queue Depeche Mode song).
I can't be the only one that feels this way. How do y'all deal with it? When given trials with no solution and no response to prayer on what you're supposed to do, how do keep from concluding that God is simply cruel at times?
In many ways we are fortunate, and I recognize that. He's very intelligent, my work provides us resources to get him medicine and care to help manage, he's not been expelled from school or had problems with police. Life could be a whole lot worse.
But at the same time I find myself feeling really bitter at God that this burden was passed to me. I know the doctrine is that God will not test us more than we can handle but it takes every single ounce of my mental and emotional strength to get through each day. If I allow myself to think about the next day, or the next year, it just feels like there is no hope.
From an atheistic or even deist perspective I can understand my situation. Genetics came about and God has no real day-to-day involvement in it if He's even there at all. But I know God is there. There have been times in my life before this when I called out and felt His presence. But it seems no matter how much I prey, or whether I prey or not, things don't change. I've seen direct intervention before, so I can only conclude that if this is the way things are it is because this is how God has decided they must be.
I find myself remembering a preacher saying that when you ask God for patience, He gives you trials to help you learn patience. Years ago, in college, I wanted to have the inner peace of the Buddha. I can't help wondering if because of that God gave me my son...and is now just sitting back laughing and laughing. (queue Depeche Mode song).
I can't be the only one that feels this way. How do y'all deal with it? When given trials with no solution and no response to prayer on what you're supposed to do, how do keep from concluding that God is simply cruel at times?
