• The General Mental Health Forum is now a Read Only Forum. As we had two large areas making it difficult for many to find, we decided to combine the Mental Health & the Recovery sections of the forum into Mental Health & Recovery as a whole. Physical Health still remains as it's own area within the entire Recovery area.

    If you are having struggles, need support in a particular area that you aren't finding a specific recovery area forum, you may find the General Struggles forum a great place to post. Any any that is related to emotions, self-esteem, insomnia, anger, relationship dynamics due to mental health and recovery and other issues that don't fit better in another forum would be examples of topics that might go there.

    If you have spiritual issues related to a mental health and recovery issue, please use the Recovery Related Spiritual Advice forum. This forum is designed to be like Christian Advice, only for recovery type of issues. Recovery being like a family in many ways, allows us to support one another together. May you be blessed today and each day.

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Don't Want To Be In This World--Never Have

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Hello,

I am new to this forum. I "grew up in the church" and have always believed in God and Jesus. I have been a TRULY sincere follower of Jesus since age 30 (I am 45 now). I am married to my best friend, we are both blessed with great jobs and health, and there is basically NOTHING amiss in my life. But I have coped with depression for a very long time. I am, for the most part, successfully treated with a combination of Prozac and Wellbutrin. But I still want so desperately to leave this world--I have for decades. Every twinge I feel, every ache or spell of light-headedness, I fervently hope is the start of a fatal disease. I have asked my Creator many, many times if I can please come home, why do I have to be here, I hate it here, I'm miserable in ways and for reasons I can't explain.

My question is, are there any other followers of Christ out there who feel the same way? Who have no real problems--physical, relational, or otherwise--but just desperately want to come home, for no apparent reason?

Thanks in advance...
 

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I'm not like that, since I have gotten back my will to live - in this world too - but wanted to stop by anyway. Depression is a cruel companion. I think many people here know what you're talking about. I'm sure you'll get some replies at some point.

Said a little prayer for you. God bless.
 
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Extraneous

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I have felt that way, but i have problems. Maybe hardship isn't required to suffer depression however. For me depression is something i must get through. Depression can come and go, but i can have days that are good as well. Try to see to as one day at a time. Just my thoughts, i know its hard to live in depression, i dont have all the answers by a long shot. Hope it helps though.
 
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Jeshu

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For a long time I actively planned to commit suicide, then I just wanted to die and was jealous of others who went before me, but just lately I have full zest for living again, even though I still struggle with depression and other mentally ill issues.

I want Jesus to come back that is where I live for. Jesus wondered of He would find faith, and I know with many it is low pitched and even more have given up faith in God altogether and follow the speculative thinking of the modern scientists.

However according to the bible everything is in place for Jesus to return, when God lifts the veil that is covering the nations and recognition of His truth is unavoidable, because His light will shine from East to West and from North to South, and illuminate everything with His righteous truth.

I don't know about you but I want to be there and be a part of that event. I believe we have all been made for a purpose, a noble purpose, a godly purpose and that is that we should love God and one another. I think we can do it! Not stop being sinners as such but sincerely love one another and then Jesus will be in our midst and depression will find no fertile ground in our hearts any more.

I advise you to ask Jesus what your purpose is - apart of giving God glory - He will soon lay it on your heart and then you can live for that and see if your wish to die would go away.

Please consider that you long for death to set you free, but is that how it ought to be? Shouldn't it be Jesus - true life - that saves you from death and bring you life eternal?

I know it is hard when we are often down deep to long for life, but instead of longing for death we could plant good life into our misery. That is what Jesus advised me to do - years ago already - it has taken me a long time to get away from the power of depression but when we sow good thoughts - the truth of God' promises for example - into our misery then in the end our times with misery will begin to produce good life instead of bad life. Sow thoughts that have compassion, gentleness, caring, gentle, patience, kindness, endurance, self-control, and above all of course loving thoughts. I know that depression can stand good life and has to try and kill it but when we become aware of that then we can let good life kill depression. It is amazing how strong the word of God is, all our enemies cringe when we take hold of God's truth, for it is unbeatable when taken spiritually.

 
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Sapiens

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Hello shanonpink,

You are not the only one. However, as of me, I have found back the desire to live as well, like Tempura.

As of now, I'm still learning to love and enjoy life and I think there are many great and beautiful things to get out of it and that God has still to show and teach me. Hope has reappeared in my heart, although it is still in the process of healing. And by the way, this is coming from a guy who really had lost hope in happiness and life.

While I do think this is (almost) a normal effect of living in this broken world, I find it hard to believe that there would be no reason as to why you are feeling this way.

May I ask you a few personal questions?

If I ask you, according to you, why do you think you feel this way?

Do you have people in your surrounding knowing of your struggle? Some trustworthy friends from your church?

You could also perhaps seek the counsel of christian psychologists or at least sensitive and wise christian friends.
 
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shanonpink

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Thank you all for your input. Yesterday was the most I've ever seriously thought about suicide. I googled around for a while for things like "what does the bible say about suicide," etc. It didn't take long for me to understand that I'll almost certainly never reach that point.

I work in health care with samples from cancer patients, and I am always jealous of their cancer. I realize how dreadful it is for me to feel that way. These people, and their families, are suffering in ways I can't comprehend. My husband, my family, would also suffer incomprehensibly if my "wishes" were fulfilled.

Sapiens: my husband knows how I feel, my parents, a few close friends. I don't think anyone really understands. While I am successful in life (thank you Father), at heart I am a quitter. I never finish books. I never finish projects. Even the smallest amount of resistance experienced in any setting makes me want to quit. My default setting is "off." Furthermore, I find no real joy in anything in this world (except perhaps my dogs).

I've NEVER really wanted to "do" life. I want to do it less and less the further I get along in it. I'm coasting, waiting for it to be over already so I can go home. I know this is not what my Father made me for. But the knowledge doesn't seem to matter.

If anyone feels like sharing, I'd love to hear what some of your turning points were. I am seeing, as Jeshu point out, that I need to spend more time in God's word, and certainly I should become committed to asking my Savior, "What plans do you have for my life? Please place an awareness in my heart of my life's intended purpose." What were some other steps you took to break free from this?
 
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Extraneous

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Thank you all for your input. Yesterday was the most I've ever seriously thought about suicide. I googled around for a while for things like "what does the bible say about suicide," etc. It didn't take long for me to understand that I'll almost certainly never reach that point.

I work in health care with samples from cancer patients, and I am always jealous of their cancer. I realize how dreadful it is for me to feel that way. These people, and their families, are suffering in ways I can't comprehend. My husband, my family, would also suffer incomprehensibly if my "wishes" were fulfilled.

Sapiens: my husband knows how I feel, my parents, a few close friends. I don't think anyone really understands. While I am successful in life (thank you Father), at heart I am a quitter. I never finish books. I never finish projects. Even the smallest amount of resistance experienced in any setting makes me want to quit. My default setting is "off." Furthermore, I find no real joy in anything in this world (except perhaps my dogs).

I've NEVER really wanted to "do" life. I want to do it less and less the further I get along in it. I'm coasting, waiting for it to be over already so I can go home. I know this is not what my Father made me for. But the knowledge doesn't seem to matter.

If anyone feels like sharing, I'd love to hear what some of your turning points were. I am seeing, as Jeshu point out, that I need to spend more time in God's word, and certainly I should become committed to asking my Savior, "What plans do you have for my life? Please place an awareness in my heart of my life's intended purpose." What were some other steps you took to break free from this?

The people in the New Testament suffered. I believe it can be a spiritual experience. I also believe that we can give our struggles and pain to the Lord, not that he will heal us necessarily, but that he will sustain us. Im not saying that God doesn't heal, im only talking about living in faith even when we are not healed. I guess i believe in looking at bad things in a positive way. If we cant get rid of something then we must learn to live with it. This is just my non medical opinion, and it gives me hope. If someone can heal me then please do. If not, i will still hope in the Lord. Perhaps this is my way of living in faith.
 
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Jeshu

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The best thing I've ever done is beginning to read the bible spiritually and finding the wicked controlling events in my heart because of that. I always thought of the wicked as people and not as spiritual forces and had no idea what they said and did within and around me. However once I understood that the wicked caused my suicidal thoughts to become almost irresistible all because I longed to die then I knew that suicide is a terrible trap that we best steer away from.

In the past people had no medications to help them with depression. Job, King David and Jeremiah often suffered from depression as well and they used God's word to stay with their heads above the water, so I began to do that as well. There are hundreds of promises in the bible that our depressed thinking is in opposition to, pulling myself in line with the truths of the bible sure made a world of difference.

Once I wrote a prose about the power of God's loving truth I hope you get something out of that.

Peace


What Can I Say About Suffering

What can I say, about what have I learned from our Heavenly Father? I can see now that evil lies cause pain to be alive within human existence. I have watched how isolation, forces lies down into suffering souls - as The Wicked cut all ties with truthful love and our crushing depression generate its own misery in our agonising hell down there. I know that in the Pit all lies end up - dragging us down living dead. Yet why would I continue to let bad life be dominant in my inner world of awareness and not God's loving truth to rule my every moment?

I have learned that creeds, values and morals are rules upon rules ruling. Still wicked lies spread like maggots through my flesh, killing all goodness within me, because I'm imperfect! To just let it be and move on is best I learned about that. And so The Word of God spoken in love for God, self and neighbour, is The Voice to heed at all times.

I have experienced that time brings good and bad, up and down, far and wide for everyone. Yet the power of God's love, as even bad sin and great failings ruled me, couldn't subdue Jesus grace over me as His loving truth set me free to be myself - time and again.

I understand that anguish speaks to those experiencing life truly untrue and lovelessly - and that our Heavenly Father never wanted this to rule His kids. Indeed I know that my wretchedness longs for the demise of all my agony. So that misery may never rule my life again, no more Bad Life overshadowing my here and now, instead freedom for me. For in God's loving truth, even through much hurt, I can finally stay on top of things, my loveless lies to hand to Christ as God's Good Life grows within in Return.

I know now that loving truth is the only useful weapon against the forces of evil. Complete freedom for me if I heed God's love in truth to rule my daily life. So why would I foolishly keep letting malefic lies decide my future. Why not forgive, why leave truthful love? While I know that only God's good makes my life a worthwhile experience?

I have seen that life is genuinely worth living in honest loving togetherness. Where everyone who exists is esteemed because they are specially made. For our real value lays not in how much gain we can yield for others. But simply because all existence speaks of life's importance to be loved. The communion of Saints - true love loving people doing the loving - is very important therefore.

So I choose loving truthfulness to steer me through those terrible storms down here. For even through extraordinary agony and times of incredible much suffering. God's truth preserves my life. His loving goodness keeping me from falling. As I found that warm-heartedness is truly effective against the deadly chill of devil's breath.
 
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Tempura

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My turning point was a time when I suffered so much that I couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't a yearning to die in itself, it was the suffering and confusion. I thought that I'd have to kill myself to make it stop. I have never been so broken. I just cried and hit myself because I could feel the emotional pain physically manifesting in my stomach and chest and it wouldn't stop. I prayed. I don't even remember what I prayed. Probably just help, all of it hurt too much. Only many years later I realized that I was carried. Back then I wouldn't have noticed anything.

But that turning point meant a lot, because I fully surrendered myself for the first time to God. There were absolutely no pretenses, only a broken man, "naked" in a sense. I have never in my life been so powerless and realized it. For the first time, I was absolutely nothing. Whatever love I had, whatever life or job I had, whatever decent in myself, I had lost. I could only turn to God. Fully humbled. I needed that. I was assured that there was nothing else I could turn to, because I was fundamentally broken. I was carried, and I endured, even if it took a long time. God helped me, my mother and some friends helped me. I will always remember I can turn to God.

Later, He even let me experience something...I don't know. One brother in these forums described it as "a dose of the holy spirit". Complete comfort, complete peace, all in love. I have never felt anything like that, and never have since. For a small time I felt what I thought was God, perfect love. I wanted to tell all of my close ones immediately how much I loved them. There were no worries, only love. No trouble, only peace. It's hard to describe with words, but it was perfect. It was a gift, something I want all to experience. But I can't force these things or make them happen. But what I got out of it, even now when I'm not in that moment anymore, was great. I got conviction and hope, and I got the ability to love more. My love was fearful and selfish before. Still is, at times, because I'm just a man, and weak as anyone else, but I have more love to give than I ever did. And I want to give it.

I started to read the Bible more, especially the gospels and Paul's letters. I can always, still to this day, find something new and comforting from the same things I read. I started to understand and take in the love and wisdom that is in Christ. His words have all of it, all the time. I also started to understand this: useless fear doesn't come from God. It is written that we are not given the spirit of fear. But love, especially one that doesn't seek our own benefit, that comes from God. And I have tried to be honest with Him, because I can't fool God. If something bothers me, I give it to Him in a prayer. Sometimes I ask for guidance, sometimes for something else, sometimes blessings for people. And if I don't instantly get an answer, I still leave it to God. Sometimes the answer isn't "no", it can be "wait". We need patience, because we can't test God. I can endure the doubts and harder times, because I do believe that God is love. He doesn't trick us or play games with us.

I don't know what God's plan is for me. I don't know if He even has some complicated master plan for me. And if there is a plan, it can be something very, very mundane that's easy to overlook. It could be just living my ordinary life. I'm very content in not pondering about God's plans, because how could I understand them? I'm grateful that I'm simple like this. I can say "I don't know" to many things, and still know that I can turn to God like a child.

But what I do know is this: I have plenty of chances to love every day, plenty of chances to help, plenty of chances to tell people about Christ if they want to hear it. And every time I do it, I'm more at peace, and I feel thankful. I have plenty of chances every day to say "hi" to Christ, to seek Him.

My life isn't great. I'm mostly a shut-in, and I haven't worked for about 10 years. Still, I have never loved life the way I do now. I said a prayer for you, so that you would be comforted and guided gently.

Oh and don't worry about my rants. They're always like this, too long and not very cohesive at all!
 
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Extraneous

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My turning point was a time when I suffered so much that I couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't a yearning to die in itself, it was the suffering and confusion. I thought that I'd have to kill myself to make it stop. I have never been so broken. I just cried and hit myself because I could feel the emotional pain physically manifesting in my stomach and chest and it wouldn't stop. I prayed. I don't even remember what I prayed. Probably just help, all of it hurt too much. Only many years later I realized that I was carried. Back then I wouldn't have noticed anything.

But that turning point meant a lot, because I fully surrendered myself for the first time to God. There were absolutely no pretenses, only a broken man, "naked" in a sense. I have never in my life been so powerless and realized it. For the first time, I was absolutely nothing. Whatever love I had, whatever life or job I had, whatever decent in myself, I had lost. I could only turn to God. Fully humbled. I needed that. I was assured that there was nothing else I could turn to, because I was fundamentally broken. I was carried, and I endured, even if it took a long time. God helped me, my mother and some friends helped me. I will always remember I can turn to God.

Later, He even let me experience something...I don't know. One brother in these forums described it as "a dose of the holy spirit". Complete comfort, complete peace, all in love. I have never felt anything like that, and never have since. For a small time I felt what I thought was God, perfect love. I wanted to tell all of my close ones immediately how much I loved them. There were no worries, only love. No trouble, only peace. It's hard to describe with words, but it was perfect. It was a gift, something I want all to experience. But I can't force these things or make them happen. But what I got out of it, even now when I'm not in that moment anymore, was great. I got conviction and hope, and I got the ability to love more. My love was fearful and selfish before. Still is, at times, because I'm just a man, and weak as anyone else, but I have more love to give than I ever did. And I want to give it.

I started to read the Bible more, especially the gospels and Paul's letters. I can always, still to this day, find something new and comforting from the same things I read. I started to understand and take in the love and wisdom that is in Christ. His words have all of it, all the time. I also started to understand this: useless fear doesn't come from God. It is written that we are not given the spirit of fear. But love, especially one that doesn't seek our own benefit, that comes from God. And I have tried to be honest with Him, because I can't fool God. If something bothers me, I give it to Him in a prayer. Sometimes I ask for guidance, sometimes for something else, sometimes blessings for people. And if I don't instantly get an answer, I still leave it to God. Sometimes the answer isn't "no", it can be "wait". We need patience, because we can't test God. I can endure the doubts and harder times, because I do believe that God is love. He doesn't trick us or play games with us.

I don't know what God's plan is for me. I don't know if He even has some complicated master plan for me. And if there is a plan, it can be something very, very mundane that's easy to overlook. It could be just living my ordinary life. I'm very content in not pondering about God's plans, because how could I understand them? I'm grateful that I'm simple like this. I can say "I don't know" to many things, and still know that I can turn to God like a child.

But what I do know is this: I have plenty of chances to love every day, plenty of chances to help, plenty of chances to tell people about Christ if they want to hear it. And every time I do it, I'm more at peace, and I feel thankful. I have plenty of chances every day to say "hi" to Christ, to seek Him.

My life isn't great. I'm mostly a shut-in, and I haven't worked for about 10 years. Still, I have never loved life the way I do now. I said a prayer for you, so that you would be comforted and guided gently.

Oh and don't worry about my rants. They're always like this, too long and not very cohesive at all!

Humbled. That's the word for it brother. Many times i think how better it would be to leave this world. Not even suicidal necessarily, although that is the case sometimes. I just get tired of the futility that i see in life. My own life, and the lives of people in this world. My escape is faith in the Lord. Before this humility was constantly torturing me, but after the Lord helped me it was instead a great blessing. Now my humbling experience doesn't leave me broken, but instead full of hope and purpose. Before i had no purpose. I was just a lost and confused man. I saw myself as totally worthless in every way.

I did feel greatly strengthened by the Lord recently. For a long time i was laying down, unable to walk (spiritual speaking). I was bitter and angry, so lost and hopeless. I couldn't take any more.

One day i felt blessed. I felt love energize my soul, i was strengthened by Gods grace. Its a taste of heaven perhaps. That's what i believe anyway. I don't feel this love always, and its very rare, but the strength it leaves behind is always with me. I'm not healed, but i'm full of strength and hope. The lord didn't heal, but he helped. The man who suffers mental illness is the old man, he is still here temporarily in this world. One day however the new man, the one who felt Gods love, he will remain forever.
 
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Tempura

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Humbled. That's the word for it brother.

Yes it is. In the best possible way. The other way you mentioned, it's more of along the lines of humiliating yourself. It doesn't teach us anything, it doesn't help us in any way. But humbled in our hearts and in front of God, in a good way, that is great.

I'm happy for you brother. And what you got, it will stick. It leaves something permanent in you. And you know this already. It's great.
 
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Extraneous

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Yes it is. In the best possible way. The other way you mentioned, it's more of along the lines of humiliating yourself. It doesn't teach us anything, it doesn't help us in any way. But humbled in our hearts and in front of God, in a good way, that is great.

I'm happy for you brother. And what you got, it will stick. It leaves something permanent in you. And you know this already. It's great.

Its an example of God transforming something perhaps.. All he needs to change is how we see things. He heals the blind.
 
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shanonpink

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For all the suffering in the Bible, there is precious little talk of suicide. Jesus suffered more than anyone else ever did, and his response was to go to the Father. I can go to that same Father the same way, and through scripture. I can accept not being healed or completely relieved of this desire to leave. Just a little more willingness to stay here would be good.
 
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shanonpink

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My turning point was a time when I suffered so much that I couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't a yearning to die in itself, it was the suffering and confusion. I thought that I'd have to kill myself to make it stop. I have never been so broken. I just cried and hit myself because I could feel the emotional pain physically manifesting in my stomach and chest and it wouldn't stop. I prayed. I don't even remember what I prayed. Probably just help, all of it hurt too much. Only many years later I realized that I was carried. Back then I wouldn't have noticed anything.

But that turning point meant a lot, because I fully surrendered myself for the first time to God. There were absolutely no pretenses, only a broken man, "naked" in a sense. I have never in my life been so powerless and realized it. For the first time, I was absolutely nothing. Whatever love I had, whatever life or job I had, whatever decent in myself, I had lost. I could only turn to God. Fully humbled. I needed that. I was assured that there was nothing else I could turn to, because I was fundamentally broken. I was carried, and I endured, even if it took a long time. God helped me, my mother and some friends helped me. I will always remember I can turn to God.

Later, He even let me experience something...I don't know. One brother in these forums described it as "a dose of the holy spirit". Complete comfort, complete peace, all in love. I have never felt anything like that, and never have since. For a small time I felt what I thought was God, perfect love. I wanted to tell all of my close ones immediately how much I loved them. There were no worries, only love. No trouble, only peace. It's hard to describe with words, but it was perfect. It was a gift, something I want all to experience. But I can't force these things or make them happen. But what I got out of it, even now when I'm not in that moment anymore, was great. I got conviction and hope, and I got the ability to love more. My love was fearful and selfish before. Still is, at times, because I'm just a man, and weak as anyone else, but I have more love to give than I ever did. And I want to give it.

I started to read the Bible more, especially the gospels and Paul's letters. I can always, still to this day, find something new and comforting from the same things I read. I started to understand and take in the love and wisdom that is in Christ. His words have all of it, all the time. I also started to understand this: useless fear doesn't come from God. It is written that we are not given the spirit of fear. But love, especially one that doesn't seek our own benefit, that comes from God. And I have tried to be honest with Him, because I can't fool God. If something bothers me, I give it to Him in a prayer. Sometimes I ask for guidance, sometimes for something else, sometimes blessings for people. And if I don't instantly get an answer, I still leave it to God. Sometimes the answer isn't "no", it can be "wait". We need patience, because we can't test God. I can endure the doubts and harder times, because I do believe that God is love. He doesn't trick us or play games with us.

I don't know what God's plan is for me. I don't know if He even has some complicated master plan for me. And if there is a plan, it can be something very, very mundane that's easy to overlook. It could be just living my ordinary life. I'm very content in not pondering about God's plans, because how could I understand them? I'm grateful that I'm simple like this. I can say "I don't know" to many things, and still know that I can turn to God like a child.

But what I do know is this: I have plenty of chances to love every day, plenty of chances to help, plenty of chances to tell people about Christ if they want to hear it. And every time I do it, I'm more at peace, and I feel thankful. I have plenty of chances every day to say "hi" to Christ, to seek Him.

My life isn't great. I'm mostly a shut-in, and I haven't worked for about 10 years. Still, I have never loved life the way I do now. I said a prayer for you, so that you would be comforted and guided gently.

Oh and don't worry about my rants. They're always like this, too long and not very cohesive at all!
Your "dose of the Holy Spirit" sounded wonderful ... There is a lot of "love" talk here, and this is such a difficult area for me. Interesting.
 
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shanonpink

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The best thing I've ever done is beginning to read the bible spiritually and finding the wicked controlling events in my heart because of that. I always thought of the wicked as people and not as spiritual forces and had no idea what they said and did within and around me. However once I understood that the wicked caused my suicidal thoughts to become almost irresistible all because I longed to die then I knew that suicide is a terrible trap that we best steer away from.

In the past people had no medications to help them with depression. Job, King David and Jeremiah often suffered from depression as well and they used God's word to stay with their heads above the water, so I began to do that as well. There are hundreds of promises in the bible that our depressed thinking is in opposition to, pulling myself in line with the truths of the bible sure made a world of difference.

Once I wrote a prose about the power of God's loving truth I hope you get something out of that.

Peace


What Can I Say About Suffering

What can I say, about what have I learned from our Heavenly Father? I can see now that evil lies cause pain to be alive within human existence. I have watched how isolation, forces lies down into suffering souls - as The Wicked cut all ties with truthful love and our crushing depression generate its own misery in our agonising hell down there. I know that in the Pit all lies end up - dragging us down living dead. Yet why would I continue to let bad life be dominant in my inner world of awareness and not God's loving truth to rule my every moment?

I have learned that creeds, values and morals are rules upon rules ruling. Still wicked lies spread like maggots through my flesh, killing all goodness within me, because I'm imperfect! To just let it be and move on is best I learned about that. And so The Word of God spoken in love for God, self and neighbour, is The Voice to heed at all times.

I have experienced that time brings good and bad, up and down, far and wide for everyone. Yet the power of God's love, as even bad sin and great failings ruled me, couldn't subdue Jesus grace over me as His loving truth set me free to be myself - time and again.

I understand that anguish speaks to those experiencing life truly untrue and lovelessly - and that our Heavenly Father never wanted this to rule His kids. Indeed I know that my wretchedness longs for the demise of all my agony. So that misery may never rule my life again, no more Bad Life overshadowing my here and now, instead freedom for me. For in God's loving truth, even through much hurt, I can finally stay on top of things, my loveless lies to hand to Christ as God's Good Life grows within in Return.

I know now that loving truth is the only useful weapon against the forces of evil. Complete freedom for me if I heed God's love in truth to rule my daily life. So why would I foolishly keep letting malefic lies decide my future. Why not forgive, why leave truthful love? While I know that only God's good makes my life a worthwhile experience?

I have seen that life is genuinely worth living in honest loving togetherness. Where everyone who exists is esteemed because they are specially made. For our real value lays not in how much gain we can yield for others. But simply because all existence speaks of life's importance to be loved. The communion of Saints - true love loving people doing the loving - is very important therefore.

So I choose loving truthfulness to steer me through those terrible storms down here. For even through extraordinary agony and times of incredible much suffering. God's truth preserves my life. His loving goodness keeping me from falling. As I found that warm-heartedness is truly effective against the deadly chill of devil's breath.
The more one is in the Light, the more darkness tries to hide. God's word is Light.
 
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shanonpink

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The best thing I've ever done is beginning to read the bible spiritually and finding the wicked controlling events in my heart because of that. I always thought of the wicked as people and not as spiritual forces and had no idea what they said and did within and around me. However once I understood that the wicked caused my suicidal thoughts to become almost irresistible all because I longed to die then I knew that suicide is a terrible trap that we best steer away from.

In the past people had no medications to help them with depression. Job, King David and Jeremiah often suffered from depression as well and they used God's word to stay with their heads above the water, so I began to do that as well. There are hundreds of promises in the bible that our depressed thinking is in opposition to, pulling myself in line with the truths of the bible sure made a world of difference.

Once I wrote a prose about the power of God's loving truth I hope you get something out of that.

Peace


What Can I Say About Suffering

What can I say, about what have I learned from our Heavenly Father? I can see now that evil lies cause pain to be alive within human existence. I have watched how isolation, forces lies down into suffering souls - as The Wicked cut all ties with truthful love and our crushing depression generate its own misery in our agonising hell down there. I know that in the Pit all lies end up - dragging us down living dead. Yet why would I continue to let bad life be dominant in my inner world of awareness and not God's loving truth to rule my every moment?

I have learned that creeds, values and morals are rules upon rules ruling. Still wicked lies spread like maggots through my flesh, killing all goodness within me, because I'm imperfect! To just let it be and move on is best I learned about that. And so The Word of God spoken in love for God, self and neighbour, is The Voice to heed at all times.

I have experienced that time brings good and bad, up and down, far and wide for everyone. Yet the power of God's love, as even bad sin and great failings ruled me, couldn't subdue Jesus grace over me as His loving truth set me free to be myself - time and again.

I understand that anguish speaks to those experiencing life truly untrue and lovelessly - and that our Heavenly Father never wanted this to rule His kids. Indeed I know that my wretchedness longs for the demise of all my agony. So that misery may never rule my life again, no more Bad Life overshadowing my here and now, instead freedom for me. For in God's loving truth, even through much hurt, I can finally stay on top of things, my loveless lies to hand to Christ as God's Good Life grows within in Return.

I know now that loving truth is the only useful weapon against the forces of evil. Complete freedom for me if I heed God's love in truth to rule my daily life. So why would I foolishly keep letting malefic lies decide my future. Why not forgive, why leave truthful love? While I know that only God's good makes my life a worthwhile experience?

I have seen that life is genuinely worth living in honest loving togetherness. Where everyone who exists is esteemed because they are specially made. For our real value lays not in how much gain we can yield for others. But simply because all existence speaks of life's importance to be loved. The communion of Saints - true love loving people doing the loving - is very important therefore.

So I choose loving truthfulness to steer me through those terrible storms down here. For even through extraordinary agony and times of incredible much suffering. God's truth preserves my life. His loving goodness keeping me from falling. As I found that warm-heartedness is truly effective against the deadly chill of devil's breath.
Isolation vs. the communion of saints...wow. This is where the evil one has the tightest grasp on me.
 
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Extraneous

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Psalm 103:
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Psalm 73: 21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.
 
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Jeshu

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Thank you all for taking the time and effort to share your experiences with me. There is a lot here to slowly read through again and process. Thank you for allowing our Father to use you in this way.

Isaiah 55
Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and you will delight in the richest of fare.
Give ear and come to me;
listen, that you may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a ruler and commander of the peoples.
Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations you do not know will come running to you,
because of the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor.”


Seek the Lord while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
Let the wicked forsake their ways
and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.


“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown,
for an everlasting sign,
that will endure forever.”:amen::amen::amen:



Not an effort at all. I hate depression it is a terrible weapon in the hands of our enemies. They harm us so much, all because we care. Honest! We care about right and wrong, even though we may have it wrong, we still care about right and wrong. For right to be right and for wrong to be wrong. The devil couldn't get us to join him in his unholy feast so he uses illness to get us down. It are all lies, my depression was fuelled by lies, countless of them ruled my heart and mind and brought me my daily misery. The truth of God however has extraordinary powers to overcome depression and become stronger than it.

What we need is faith, love and hope. Now I found that having faith in God's love - His Son Jesus Christ - our Lord, brought me hope and began to dismantle the power of hopelessness, despair, fear, guilt, shame, regret and sadness which has completely perished while I was saved from there just in time. Oh the darkness can get deep. The Abyss is a bottomless pit. It is the home of satan, I think satan is deceiving the nations once more, trouble to come, we best be ready to face the barrage coming our way.

Now to meet Jesus we need to loose our lives. Remember what it says that in the bible. So a thought came into my mind which suggested that I die to my depressed life and find a new life in the truth of God. It has sure paid off.

I've got a mental illness you see and have to carefully nurture and medicate myself to get through day by day, but the power of depression to hurt me for years on end has forever come to a naught. Some of my most intimate times with Jesus I have when I'm depressed. His love is greatest when I'm weakest.


I wrote a poem about the time I climbed out of my pit, I hope you enjoy it.

Forsaking The Pit.
As I climb over the rim, I clearly see,
Involuntary I shudder the sight in me,
Down without a bottom the pit below,
Yes this fiery hole within me on show!

Hear voices of darkness pressing hard on must.
Those 'speaking guilt, shame, unbelief, and distrust,
All together pushing, yes, pressing me deep,
Resisting my climb to the top so steep.

See those guilty feelings still tug my feet,
I can feel flames searing, my toes they meet!
Electrifying my soul, no mercy on show.
Why ever did I take this hell-hole in tow?

Above me the Light, Jesus, the Truth so high!
How long before I will meet up with Him in the sky?
He knows I will come after Him without a doubt,
As true nourishing goodness He is all about.

My bloodied fingers scraped by rock,
For how many years did they mock?
Those hard places within my very being,
Those fiery stones of my own seeing!

I climbed after the Light right above me,
The only truth that truly leaves me be,
Never will I stop seeking after The Light.
As Jesus Christ is my very soul's delight!

Soon the 'resting place' of my enemy,
Bottomless pit shall forever be!
For the ones without Love or Grace.
Those who with their lies made this place.
 
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Tempura

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Thank you all for taking the time and effort to share your experiences with me. There is a lot here to slowly read through again and process. Thank you for allowing our Father to use you in this way.

Thank you for giving me a chance to try, sister.
 
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