What do you do when ppl complain to you?

Goodbook

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Ignore their complaint? Especially when they start whining.
Pray?
Give them advice or tell them its not your problem?
Hug them and tell them its not right but God will do something?
Tell them to take it up with whoever they complaining about?
Say its better to be thankful than complaining, as theres really nothing to complain about and God doest like it, because when the israelites complained in the wilderness even though God did everything for them, rescued them from the egyptians, it was enough...his grace is sufficient.

Anyone who continued to complain got swallowed up by the earth and died.
 

ValleyGal

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I listen, I empathize with how they might be feeling, I might try reframing (or getting them to reframe) the situation, I might try to help them figure out what they are going to do about the situation - and this might include nothing more than a change of attitude. It all depends on the context and if the complaining is chronic.

I have a person I know who regularly complains. She has good reason - she has a lot of health issues and very little money on her government disability. She takes a lot of emotional energy to be around, so if I am not up for it, I simply don't answer the phone when she calls or I might answer the phone and if she invites me out I might tell her I'm busy. If I am able to emotionally be around her, I will run an errand for her or hang out with her for a while. That's how I handle chronic complaining.
 
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QuietBeauty

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Well first I try to hear what they have to say because maybe they need to vent, Then depending on the situation, I'll give some advice. If I find that the person keeps complaining about something and they haven't done anything to fix the issue, I'll just pray for them and give it to God. I find sometimes if someone keeps complaining about the same thing over and over and you as the listener continue to be there for them without helping them, the person will start to use you as someone they can just complain to.
 
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Cernunnos

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I try to empathize & part of that is asking questions that allow me better insight into their distress.

Besides being better able to empathize by asking clarifying questions, it also allows me to determine: If their complaint is something I have control or influence over (are they asking for direct help) If their complaint is something I have resources to mitigate (are they asking for indirect help) or if their complaint is something they don't know how to deal with (are they asking for advice/ emotional/spiritual support, including just venting)

Once I have asked clarifying questions, I assess if I have the means to help them in the way they are asking for help (if they are) or if some alternative would be better (if they are just venting about something I can actually help with for example). I then balance my response with the needs of other people I am responsible for & available resources (like I won't volunteer to help with heavy labor during a day I know I am going to do 12 hours of nightshift in a factory).

The core principles are: Identifying the problem through clarifying questions, assessing resources, balancing action with responsibilities.
 
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Goodbook

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Im thinking of taking a biblical counselling course to help deal with the problems of people always coming to me with complaints.

Sometimes they want advice, but sometimes its just complaining. I once heard that venting or letting of steam from someone who had schizophrenic diagnoses when they dont have a therapist to talk to, is healthy, but I dont know if it ahould be encouraged or not.

Writing things down in a diary or journal is helpful, at least that way you can get things off your chest without inflicting damage on other people and taking up all their time.
 
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Goodbook

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Not saying any of you do that here this is the christan advice forum not the complaint forum. So most ppl on here have genuine issues they need help with and counsel.

Im mostly talking about people I meet in person and maybe they might be friends but they overstep boundaries.
 
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Goodbook

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I dont think complaining is an effective way to get people to help you. I dont want to help someone who complains about petty things or be involved that way, particularly if its their own mess that they made.

I wonder if thats unchristian of me.
 
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Goodbook

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ok..well I had a think about it and actually not keen on being like a professional counsellor and being PAID to listen to people's problems...plus the course costs.

I wonder if anyone here has any further biblical advice. complaints in the Bible were murmurings esp the Israelites who had seen God's goodness and just forgot how he saved them with his mighty stretched out arm. For us christians our help comes from the Lord. So..there ought to be no complaining, its just people haven't been listening to that still small voice. We have a helper dwelling within us, do we not?
 
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NothingIsImpossible

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Usually I don't care what people think anymore. I spent to much of my life early on worrying about that stuff and its years of my life I cannot get back. Though in situations where it does bug me I have to bite my tongue. Though my dad has a good method, he just says "God loves you!" to them. Usually they are confused by it and go away. Sometimes they get mad and say more to you, then you tell them "God loves you!" again. After awhile they give up and go away.
 
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Goodbook

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I dunno, for us...how can you forget Jesus.
Or...how can you forget being a christian. You got baptised remember and left your old life behind. And also, if Jesus wasnt raised from the dead your faith is in vain. Remember that part of the gospel???? So God can do anything.

I think Paul got mad at the corinthians for forgetting Jesus commandment to love one another.
You cant really love someone when you complain all the time.
And be thankful, in everything. Rejoice always!
 
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Goodbook

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I dont think they forgot, I think some of them were led astray by wolf in sheeps clothings. The wolf would make them scared and unhappy and convince them they werent better off following Jesus. I think thats it. They listened to the wrong voice.
 
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BFine

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I dunno, for us...how can you forget Jesus.
*That's not what I meant...I was referring to
forgetting about
that we shouldn't complain/and
or murmur.


Or...how can you forget being a christian. You got baptised remember and left your old life behind. And also, if Jesus wasnt raised from the dead your faith is in vain. Remember that part of the gospel???? So God can do anything.

I think Paul got mad at the corinthians for forgetting Jesus commandment to love one another.
You cant really love someone when you complain all the time.
And be thankful, in everything. Rejoice always!
 
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Goodbook

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usually it's not christians who are complaining...but when they do, its because they have listened to the wrong voice. I say that for myself as well.

I'm not saying I hang around non christians or unbelievers all the time. But I have learned to limit my time with them. And a few who say they are christians but I have a hard time believing they are with the amount of complaining they do...you would think they'd be praying as the bible says to cast all our cares upon Him for he cares for us. I mean a one time complaint, fine, but regular complaining of the same thing? grrr. get thee behind me satan.
 
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DiscipleHeLovesToo

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complaining and whining is evidence of focus on self; i try to shift their focus to God while shutting down their complaining - contrary to popular belief, 'venting' is never good; words spoken in faith have power and affect the listener as well as the speaker, and this works just as well for cursing as it does for blessing. i find a good way to shut this down is to interject a faith statement as soon as possible (without being rude) such as 'God wants to help you with that', 'God wants to heal that', etc. - it doesn't matter whether the complainer is lost or saved, the response should always be God Gospel focused - good news to counter the bad :)
 
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Goodbook

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Yea misery loves company...or whingers need someone to whinge to. Often I say well thats not my problem, its yours.

Some of it is cultural, ie. The british have a reputation for it. But they should tell it to someone who cares i.e God and can actually do something about their complaint.

I cannot change the weather, but I can change my attitude.
 
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janny108

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Ignore their complaint? Especially when they start whining.
Pray?
Give them advice or tell them its not your problem?
Hug them and tell them its not right but God will do something?
Tell them to take it up with whoever they complaining about?
Say its better to be thankful than complaining, as theres really nothing to complain about and God doest like it, because when the israelites complained in the wilderness even though God did everything for them, rescued them from the egyptians, it was enough...his grace is sufficient.

Anyone who continued to complain got swallowed up by the earth and died.
maybe all of the above? Whiners I limit time I spend with them. I have done all of the above with a certain person person including inviting them to my church. They have to figure stuff and hear from God too. Too many times ppl look to persons to solve their problems. If they are believers, they could be asking God to help them with their problem then seek people 2nd.
 
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