what are you feeling right now? (23)

orangeness365 said:

I'll try praying for the hate to go away. I agree that staying alive took courage. maybe you are right, maybe my image of God in my mind is warped. Thank you for the prayers. Thank you for all the words of encouragement.

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Thank you too. Sometimes I like to talk about these things. It helps me clear my mind, it helps me too. And you can't know how many people saw themselves in what you said, and got something out of it. It's funny how we can comfort people without even knowing it.

Many people who have comforted me don't even know it. Some of them went through hell, suffered, but came out of it. Like beacons of hope, living proof that it's possible to get a ground to stand on, and have some peace. Patiently listening and advising those in the same situations that they were in themselves. Some of them expressed themselves in a way I never could, and I understood my situation better. Some of them could've just showed their childish, innocent and loving hearts, even in some very mundane way, like petting an animal and telling it how precious it is. I'm a sucker for that kind of stuff, it reminds me of something better than what I'm usually feeling.

chaoticfirefly said:

I have yet to play Warframe. It looks like Steam is offering the main (?) as a free to play though. Might play it later.

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It is a free-to-play game. One that doesn't use extortion methods, so it's a rare thing. I gave it 10 euros, not because the game pressured me, but because I liked it and wanted to support it. So many options and so much information that it's easy to feel overwhelmed and never touch it again, but I got over that threshold, barely. I play it on my console.

A lot of grinding though. A lot. There's something wrong with me, because I think I like grinding for hundreds of hours, just to get something useless I'll throw away in a day.

Sorry I Posted that. I was just a bit...I don't know what I was feeling. It was still nice to see/hear Coldplay at the Super Bowl. I just wish they had gotten to play a full song instead of a medley and get themselves upstaged by Beyoncé and that other guy. They all really had a lot of fun, and nobody was drunk, high, or in a wardrobe malfunction! but I don't care too much about football.

Tempura said:

It is a free-to-play game. One that doesn't use extortion methods, so it's a rare thing. I gave it 10 euros, not because the game pressured me, but because I liked it and wanted to support it. So many options and so much information that it's easy to feel overwhelmed and never touch it again, but I got over that threshold, barely. I play it on my console.

A lot of grinding though. A lot. There's something wrong with me, because I think I like grinding for hundreds of hours, just to get something useless I'll throw away in a day.

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For a free game? That's rare.

Grinding is worth it for rare items. A lot better than having to do side quests and running back and forth. Or paying for it.

grandvizier1006 said:

Sorry I Posted that. I was just a bit...I don't know what I was feeling. It was still nice to see/hear Coldplay at the Super Bowl. I just wish they had gotten to play a full song instead of a medley and get themselves upstaged by Beyoncé and that other guy. They all really had a lot of fun, and nobody was drunk, high, or in a wardrobe malfunction! but I don't care too much about football.

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I saw Coldplay "selling out" big time years ago. That's when their music started to become nonsense too. That's what happens. They made 2 (arguably 3) really good albums. Then they had to go full Hollywood and ruin it.

They were one of my favorite bands too.

Don't care about Super Bowl, didn't watch it. Feels like it's more a show than a sports event, which makes me cringe. And I'm a hockey guy.

Hi friends back online again. I have been good the last few days, even last night I slept 6 hours though it was very hot, we had 39 Celsius yesterday, it was cooking.

I went to work yesterday for the first time in 3 weeks and hope to go today as well.

How is everybody?

i'm tired and it's still storming to the point my car doors are frozen shut.

Jeshu said:

Hi friends back online again. I have been good the last few days, even last night I slept 6 hours though it was very hot, we had 39 Celsius yesterday, it was cooking.

I went to work yesterday for the first time in 3 weeks and hope to go today as well.

How is everybody?

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Good to hear, brother. I hope you can get sleep tonight as well. Oh man, it's really hot in there. I hate sweaty, hot summers, but we don't even get 39 degrees. I would probably lose my mind and shove ice cubes up my butt and nose.

chaoticfirefly said:

i'm tired and it's still storming to the point my car doors are frozen shut.

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Have you tried excessive and irresponsible violence? I do that when things aren't working, even if they're just frozen.

Tempura said:

Have you tried excessive and irresponsible violence? I do that when things aren't working, even if they're just frozen.

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there was a brief moment i considered it

Hi everyone.

Well....here goes. A month ago I started reducing my meds (Wellbutrin and Brintellix) with the help and advice of my psychiatrist. I have to say when I told her of my intentions she made a face like she had a sudden attack of gas.

As of Feb 1 I have had no antidepressants; I had been on them since 1988. This is an experiment I have given a lot of thought/prayer to. I feel strongly I have been using more drugs than I need to and basically am going back to square one and adjusting as I need to.

I have had a couple of spiritual breakthroughs recently that I am quite happy about but not going to get into on this post.

The good news: NO CRASHES AT ALL! Moods have been stable and am able to easily continue volunteering at the local food bank and I have taken on additional volunteer work for Meals on Wheels. Prayer life is good. Getting back on the drums big time after about 20 years is helping me a lot; it's an adrenaline rush and a great additional hobby.

I have been able to remain strong for my wife who for the first time has had serious depression issues. What has helped me greatly is that I have the right to say I KNOW WHAT HER SUFFERING IS LIKE, which in turn has been a great comfort to her.

She is doing so much better since she quit a highly stressful job. She will be employed again soon.

The not-so-good stuff: increased vivid dreaming which is disruptive. Not nightmares (never have those) but just really stupid stuff I know I'm dreaming, it's aggravating and I want to stop but I can't.

Lots of mild to midrange headaches that I have to take a prescription migraine med for.

As some of you may know, I'm a bit of a health nut and gym rat, but despite that I have gained 7 pounds for no discernible reason. Yeah, this bugs me.

I have had a couple of strong sudden attacks of anger/bitterness toward people, some close to me, who have used me, cheated me, lied, threatened me, ect. and have seemed to get away scott-free and have been "blessed" by a relatively easy life of no consequences.

During the first attack, I went immediately to the Psalms until the Word got through and brought peace. 2nd time was working out at the gym. I had begun to listen to a YouTube debate on my phone about old earth vs new earth creation. I stopped listening immediately and began to listen to an hour's worth of Sons of Korah music. Took me the whole hour to redirect my thoughts successfully. Talk about spiritual warfare! It was tiring. BUT I WON!

Point being, is I am learning to trust in the Lord to guard my heart and mind instead of believing the stuff that depression wants to throw at me.

So......this has been my world as of late. I have a cache of my usual meds that are good for at least a year and I'm not due to visit my psychriatrist until July so I am encouraged that she trusts me enough to continue my "experiment". I want to rely on the Lord more and only take the minimum amount of drugs that I actually need, if any.

I have not told the wife I have quit because she would not necessarily be happy about it. She doesn't think I can survive without my usual high doses. I'm going to wait another month to be reasonably sure I'm on the right track before I admit anything. The fact that she doesn't suspect anything is a good sign, but I can assure you I'm going to keep my doc involved and will fine tune my meds if I need to.

Thanks for reading. God bless!

Tempura said:

Have you tried excessive and irresponsible violence? I do that when things aren't working, even if they're just frozen.

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lol.

Tempura said:

Good to hear, brother. I hope you can get sleep tonight as well. Oh man, it's really hot in there. I hate sweaty, hot summers, but we don't even get 39 degrees. I would probably lose my mind and shove ice cubes up my butt and nose.

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I put the air conditioner on in the afternoon, but there was a little breeze at night, so we open up and let it blow through, all the bedrooms were really hot for only the living room is air conditioned. It is 20 past 8 in the morning and it is already 32 degrees right now, it looks like we going to get an other scorcher today. Tomorrow mid twenties so that is a little more comfortable. I don't like hot weather much either, we lived in Perth for 12 years it gets very hot there, like over 40 sometimes everyday for a month or so. Albany is usually a lot cooler, like low to mid twenties, with a few hot days like today and yesterday in between.

Press On said:

Hi everyone.

Well....here goes. A month ago I started reducing my meds (Wellbutrin and Brintellix) with the help and advice of my psychiatrist. I have to say when I told her of my intentions she made a face like she had a sudden attack of gas.

As of Feb 1 I have had no antidepressants; I had been on them since 1988. This is an experiment I have given a lot of thought/prayer to. I feel strongly I have been using more drugs than I need to and basically am going back to square one and adjusting as I need to.

I have had a couple of spiritual breakthroughs recently that I am quite happy about but not going to get into on this post.

The good news: NO CRASHES AT ALL! Moods have been stable and am able to easily continue volunteering at the local food bank and I have taken on additional volunteer work for Meals on Wheels. Prayer life is good. Getting back on the drums big time after about 20 years is helping me a lot; it's an adrenaline rush and a great additional hobby.

I have been able to remain strong for my wife who for the first time has had serious depression issues. What has helped me greatly is that I have the right to say I KNOW WHAT HER SUFFERING IS LIKE, which in turn has been a great comfort to her.

She is doing so much better since she quit a highly stressful job. She will be employed again soon.

The not-so-good stuff: increased vivid dreaming which is disruptive. Not nightmares (never have those) but just really stupid stuff I know I'm dreaming, it's aggravating and I want to stop but I can't.

Lots of mild to midrange headaches that I have to take a prescription migraine med for.

As some of you may know, I'm a bit of a health nut and gym rat, but despite that I have gained 7 pounds for no discernible reason. Yeah, this bugs me.

I have had a couple of strong sudden attacks of anger/bitterness toward people, some close to me, who have used me, cheated me, lied, threatened me, ect. and have seemed to get away scott-free and have been "blessed" by a relatively easy life of no consequences.

During the first attack, I went immediately to the Psalms until the Word got through and brought peace. 2nd time was working out at the gym. I had begun to listen to a YouTube debate on my phone about old earth vs new earth creation. I stopped listening immediately and began to listen to an hour's worth of Sons of Korah music. Took me the whole hour to redirect my thoughts successfully. Talk about spiritual warfare! It was tiring. BUT I WON!

Point being, is I am learning to trust in the Lord to guard my heart and mind instead of believing the BS that depression wants to throw at me.

So......this has been my world as of late. I have a cache of my usual meds that are good for at least a year and I'm not due to visit my psychriatrist until July so I am encouraged that she trusts me enough to continue my "experiment". I want to rely on the Lord more and only take the minimum amount of drugs that I actually need, if any.

I have not told the wife I have quit because she would not necessarily be happy about it. She doesn't think I can survive without my usual high doses. I'm going to wait another month to be reasonably sure I'm on the right track before I admit anything. The fact that she doesn't suspect anything is a good sign, but I can assure you I'm going to keep my doc involved and will fine tune my meds if I need to.

Thanks for reading. God bless!

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I hope things work out brother.

Extraneous said:

I hope things work out brother.

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Thanks, Extraneous!

Press On said:

Thanks, Extraneous!

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You're welcome.

Press On said:

Hi everyone.

Well....here goes. A month ago I started reducing my meds (Wellbutrin and Brintellix) with the help and advice of my psychiatrist. I have to say when I told her of my intentions she made a face like she had a sudden attack of gas.

As of Feb 1 I have had no antidepressants; I had been on them since 1988. This is an experiment I have given a lot of thought/prayer to. I feel strongly I have been using more drugs than I need to and basically am going back to square one and adjusting as I need to.

I have had a couple of spiritual breakthroughs recently that I am quite happy about but not going to get into on this post.

The good news: NO CRASHES AT ALL! Moods have been stable and am able to easily continue volunteering at the local food bank and I have taken on additional volunteer work for Meals on Wheels. Prayer life is good. Getting back on the drums big time after about 20 years is helping me a lot; it's an adrenaline rush and a great additional hobby.

I have been able to remain strong for my wife who for the first time has had serious depression issues. What has helped me greatly is that I have the right to say I KNOW WHAT HER SUFFERING IS LIKE, which in turn has been a great comfort to her.

She is doing so much better since she quit a highly stressful job. She will be employed again soon.

The not-so-good stuff: increased vivid dreaming which is disruptive. Not nightmares (never have those) but just really stupid stuff I know I'm dreaming, it's aggravating and I want to stop but I can't.

Lots of mild to midrange headaches that I have to take a prescription migraine med for.

As some of you may know, I'm a bit of a health nut and gym rat, but despite that I have gained 7 pounds for no discernible reason. Yeah, this bugs me.

I have had a couple of strong sudden attacks of anger/bitterness toward people, some close to me, who have used me, cheated me, lied, threatened me, ect. and have seemed to get away scott-free and have been "blessed" by a relatively easy life of no consequences.

During the first attack, I went immediately to the Psalms until the Word got through and brought peace. 2nd time was working out at the gym. I had begun to listen to a YouTube debate on my phone about old earth vs new earth creation. I stopped listening immediately and began to listen to an hour's worth of Sons of Korah music. Took me the whole hour to redirect my thoughts successfully. Talk about spiritual warfare! It was tiring. BUT I WON!

Point being, is I am learning to trust in the Lord to guard my heart and mind instead of believing the BS that depression wants to throw at me.

So......this has been my world as of late. I have a cache of my usual meds that are good for at least a year and I'm not due to visit my psychriatrist until July so I am encouraged that she trusts me enough to continue my "experiment". I want to rely on the Lord more and only take the minimum amount of drugs that I actually need, if any.

I have not told the wife I have quit because she would not necessarily be happy about it. She doesn't think I can survive without my usual high doses. I'm going to wait another month to be reasonably sure I'm on the right track before I admit anything. The fact that she doesn't suspect anything is a good sign, but I can assure you I'm going to keep my doc involved and will fine tune my meds if I need to.

Thanks for reading. God bless!

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That is greatest news Ron, I'm so happy for you and really hope things will continue to improve for you. Please understand that a set back doesn't mean it isn't possible, simply keep fighting the lies and keep adding God's loving truth instead. I know how hard it can be to forgive people when they have let us down, I really struggle with that as well at times. However good thoughts bring good decisions, bad thoughts bring bad decisions. Now that you are off meds imagine that there will be more areas that satan has a stronghold over you.

I'm so glad things are going better for you, you really have been through the mill that's for sure. Wishing you God's protection and love on a constant basis.

Keep us informed brother.

I'm myself am back on meds, more than I was on before I decided to go off, the main problem is nausea, fast mood cycling, returning psychotic symptoms retuning and insomnia. Once I have my sleep back under control I'm going to try again, for life is much more active when I'm off the meds than when I'm on them. Slowly does it.

Jeshu said:

That is greatest news Ron, I'm so happy for you and really hope things will continue to improve for you. Please understand that a set back doesn't mean it isn't possible, simply keep fighting the lies and keep adding God's loving truth instead. I know how hard it can be to forgive people when they have let us down, I really struggle with that as well at times. However good thoughts bring good decisions, bad thoughts bring bad decisions. Now that you are off meds imagine that there will be more areas that satan has a stronghold over you.

I'm so glad things are going better for you, you really have been through the mill that's for sure. Wishing you God's protection and love on a constant basis.

Keep us informed brother.

I'm myself am back on meds, more than I was on before I decided to go off, the main problem is nausea, fast mood cycling, returning psychotic symptoms retuning and insomnia. Once I have my sleep back under control I'm going to try again, for life is much more active when I'm off the meds than when I'm on them. Slowly does it.

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Right on, Gerry! Love ya, bro!

Press On said:

Hi everyone.


I have not told the wife I have quit because she would not necessarily be happy about it. She doesn't think I can survive without my usual high doses. I'm going to wait another month to be reasonably sure I'm on the right track before I admit anything. The fact that she doesn't suspect anything is a good sign, but I can assure you I'm going to keep my doc involved and will fine tune my meds if I need to.

Thanks for reading. God bless!

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On the other hand, she could be encouraged, especially if she's struggling with depression herself. But you know your wife and yourself better, of course.

But about everything else you said: Good to hear, man. Good to hear. I have now been almost a month without depression meds. I managed it. I'm free of them. There might still be some lingering fuzziness in my brain, but I don't mind it at all. No setbacks. I'm very encouraged to start crafting a plan to quit my benzos. I know I need them, but I'm also addicted to them. I have lowered their doses for the past year anyway, so I might be able to pull through. That will be hard for me, but I have faith. If I manage to do it at some point - then I'm free of all the meds.

One thing I noticed after quitting the depression meds - I was very emotional. I cried to almost every song I listened to. I do listen to emotional and "hard" songs quite often, but that was weird. I didn't mind it though, I just love how music has this impact on me. I missed it, I missed feeling like that.

About getting weight - I did too. Probably just some chemicals still all over the place, and my metabolism might be off the tracks. I feel like I don't eat more...but then again, I might. Anyway, I'm sure it'll sort itself out for both of us.

All the best man, God bless.

chaoticfirefly said:

the weather has been odd, maybe you'll be lucky and it'll stay pleasant! our blizzard hasn't hit yet and i'm hoping it remaind that way. the little snow and warm (warm to be anyways, 30 degrees farenheight is nice) is a nice change to the constant heavy snow and freezing weather.

which state are you from, if you don't mind me asking? (if you're from the US that is!)

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I live in Northern Ohio and we usually have really bad freezing cold, snowy, blizzardy winters but not this year. It snowed a bit tonight but it already melted because the earth is still warm here. I hope you don't get the blizzard! It's been in the 30s and 40s the past several days. I like it this way but who knows what the rest of the winter has in store for us. Mother nature is being good now but I shouldn't say anything coz things could change any moment. lol