Matthew 25:15 mentions that gifts and talents are give "according to one's ability". So all I am capable of doing is giving away money, clicking links all day and babysitting a mentally handicapped person because I can't handle anything else?
I must be really ____ing worthless, am I?
Even the ability to encourage, and EVEN SERVING, is considered as a gift in Paul's letters. Mundane, good things. When we want something special, it's easy to overlook these simple things. You may have gifts you don't even recognize, because you are focusing on other things. You are not worthless, no matter what you say. I will not believe it, and you sure can't fool God.
Why? Because God had this wonderful idea to give me numerous disabilities, trials and tribulations while giving those who abused me a life of ease and comfort. I have Psalms 73 in mind but I'm getting real tired of waiting for my reward while everyone else gets to enjoy life.
Then why do people say that He tests us? How many times do I have to flunk the test in order for him to stop sending trials to me? I just want to drop out of this class instead of repeating it over and over again.
I don't think God gives us disabilities. They're just something some of us have to deal with. Nature. My aunt had down's syndrome and CP. What's that in english, cerebral palsy? She was very handicapped. Nobody thought God was punishing her. She lived a simple life, had to be taken care of all the time. I love how childish she was, happy about little things. I'm sure she wanted to be normal and it weighed her heart, but she lived, and then she died. I don't remember her as God's punching bag, neither does anyone else.
People say "God's testing you" because it's an easy answer. And sometimes it might be true. I see it like this: whatever hardships we have, it can bring us closer to God. Some of the things are something that we have no control of, so all we can do is humble ourselves in front of God, and try to learn from it as much as possible. Some people who live with very difficult things are also very important in advising and comforting the ones in the same position. Many of them can be truly inspiring, and some of them don't even know how many people they have affected.
Whenever I suffer from something, I never think it's from God. I don't see Him as a cruel trickster. If God is love, and He gave His only begotten Son for us, He wants us to be relieved. And God gives plenty in spirit, even if we don't always have the patience.
I just happen to be good at complaining and putting it into writing. Same as all those LiveJournal accounts.
Doesn't matter if you're complaining. The skill remains the same. You have something you want to express, and you express it well. It works, and you're good at it.
Yes, I give generously but people abuse that. I get freeloaders and scam artist milking my generosity. I babysit my mentally handicapped friend because no one else wants to be around me. I click links on Free Rice all day because my Asperger's allow me to do mundane tasks for hours on end. No skills involved whatsoever.
I can't monetize any of this to support myself. Why do I have to do all the work while others get all the reward in life? Many successful Christians will get the best of both worlds while I have to get 18 years of a terrible childhood, 5 shorts years to recover from it and an eternity of a fixed position that may or may not be what I would want.
Yes, some people do that. It's their shame, not yours. You'll get smarter about it, and you'll get better at knowing who to give. Not that giving for even those people isn't wrong, but it can bring you down.
Many christians are killed because of their faith. They have nothing. I'm not saying that you don't matter because you're not dying right now, or that you don't matter because someone else has it worse. I'm saying that God cares about your heart, and you are just as important as the succesful ones. God doesn't pick his favorites and throw around money and success for them. We do, the people do. And if we don't, the greedy ones manage to get it anyway. Much like the people who abuse your generosity, they only care about getting something, even if they have to lie and cheat to get it. Many of them worship money. And it's impossible to worship both money and God.
When I was a child, I did charity work so people could praise me. It was one of the few methods that got people to give me positive reinforcement and good treatment instead of using negative reinforcement, put downs and social neglect. People have always looked down on me and I literally had to pay them in order to honor me. When I learned of eternal rewards, I worked for Heaven and the praise I got on Earth was just a bonus.
Good, you understand that any praise here is not the point. And if you stopped giving, it's not like Christ's mercy would be taken away from you. This is why I said that I hope you don't give grudgingly, feeling bad for yourself. Because when you understand the nature of God's unconditional love, and truly accept it, you want to give, out of happiness and feeling thankful.
I really hope so. I'm not expecting anything grand in Heaven though. I'm afraid on judgment day He's going to humiliate me in front of billions and sentence me to clean the sewers for an eternity because I wasn't the super saint that radical Christians expect me to be.
I apologize for being so negative but I'm really losing my grip on all of this. I never had a revelation from Heaven or an angel telling me what I'm suppose to do and everything I did in life was through trial and error. Quite frankly, I am sick of this.
That sounds like people. You know, like the people who have abused you. That sounds like the world we have. That doesn't sound like God. God gives his only Son for us, and that son is the good shepherd who lays down His life for us. That is perfect love and perfect grace. God isn't like people. He is love, and He is perfect. You will not be humiliated. God's love doesn't come with a catch. Instead, your tears will be wiped away. Remember the mount sermon, remember which ones are blessed. Believe that Christ is your savior, your brother and your friend, instead of a tormentor. You can have your own relationship with Him. If He was a tormentor, none of us could stand. No, we have a savior, who even forgave those who killed Him.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
This is our Christ. This is the part where I go to, again and again when things seem too hard. None of us are perfect, and none of us can save ourselves. We can burden ourselves however we like, but Christ wants us to be free from it. Christ gave Himself for us, and when we believe that incredible love, we begin a journey that will give us peace and a thankful heart, no matter where we are now.
Sometimes it's a very long path to get away from negativity. It can also be hard to not think the worst of yourself, if that is what you have been conditioned to do. God won't abandon you, because you need Him, and you turn to Him, and none of those He will ever abandon.
But continue to pray, and ask God for guidance and comfort. I said a prayer for you too. God bless, brother.