Hi Everyone...I need some advice.

ToBeLoved · Feb 4, 2016

QuietBeauty said:
I know I have to listen my husband but I also am living in his mother's house so I want to respect her as well. I cuddled with him anyway that night when his mom was in the room and I could tell she was uncomfortable so I stopped. I have hugged her plenty of times and she is even affectionate with my husband. (So to be honest I don't see why me kissing my own husband is a big deal when she kisses him on the cheek.) I just feel like maybe that's somehow different because she's being affectionate in a "motherly way" and I'm not? I don't know but I have to respect her and I just want there to be peace in her home while I'm here. So if that means my husband and I have to go outside to hug/kiss then so be it because I'm never going to stop loving my husband for anyone.

Don't give your mother-in-law any excuse (like cuddling) to not like you.

The relationship dynamic between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are very difficult. You will be dealing with her for the next 40 years. Don't get impatient you can wait, this is a long-term relationship and it is worth extra attention.

Many mothers have issues letting a child go and the hardest thing if you are trying to let go so they can move on with their lives is to see them give affection to someone else. She is probably just not use to it yet. I wouldn't push it. Find a way around it like walks.

There is no training for us in relationships, especially life-long ones we marry into. So we wing it, but do so on the side of caution.

That's my advice.

1watchman · Feb 5, 2016

You and your husband can show a little affection in front of his mom, Beauty, but intimate embracing would not be appropriate. You both should plan an evening out in town for some personal time, and I think his mother would understand that as reasonable. Has she ever said anything against you? Please don't build "a mountain out of a molehill" as the saying goes. Put the Lord Jesus first in your life and He will guide you.

Goodbook · Feb 5, 2016

Well ok. It could be you just doing pda that ought to be reserved for your own bedroom.
I just thought it was like you kissed him on the cheek or giving hugs, but if its more, then yea go into your room!

I think each person ought to know how to control their bodies and not get carried away, even when they newly married esp in front of other people, mothers in law or not. Like i wouldnt like to see people groping or fondling each other in my house. My sisters bf seemed like he was doing that when he stayed over one time and I just thought, no. They werent even married, but they wanted to sleep together IN MY ROOM. I was like, no, we have a spare bedroom for guests and my room is a girls room. I dont care if you think you a couple, you not doing it in MY BED. Lol.

Dave-W · Feb 5, 2016

Who set the rule up for no cuddling or other display of affection - You, your MIL, or your husband?

Do you have your own private bedroom?

I am a father of 4 grown children, 3 girls and 1 boy; and all are married. On occasion 3 of the 4 married couples have stayed with us, the exception being our oldest. She and her husband lived in his parents' home for a while.

I would say that if I did NOT see at least the occasional open display of affection, I would be concerned for their relationship.

But that is just me, others' mileage may vary.

Goodbook · Feb 5, 2016

If you just staying on their couch well you must be discreet. Being christians the bible says for a man to leave and cleave- obviously your situation is difficult.

Your husband hasnt left, BUT he thinks he can still cleave. When you in your own marital bed it is fine. But if you are not then you are guests. And so there needs to be some respect, couples that are noisy and acting like heathens well obviously its not the right thing to do.

If your situation is that you have separate sleep out then it would be better. But if you are sharing the same house, and kitchen, and bathroom there WILL be boundaries that you cannot cross. Being affectionate doesnt mean you have to be touching each other all thetime! You can express your feelings by sending notes to each other while apart and when you together you must learn to be appropriate. And if you are being that and your mother in law still has a problem then its her problem i would just pray ask God what to say or do when shes there.

Your husband really needs to take responisbilty and set up a home for you both. Im sorry. Its not going to work indefinitely if he wants both you and his mother under the same roof.

NothingIsImpossible · Feb 6, 2016

Theres nothing wrong with holding hands, kissing in front of the mom. I mean.... if its a quick "Good to see you!" kiss on your hubby then I see nothing wrong with that. Now if its more intense kissing then of course you save that for the bedroom or other private area. Its fine to want to make your MIL comfy, but your also married adults. Your husband comes first. Again this doesn't mean do anything crazy like intense kissing in front of her of course. But it means she to has to realize your married adults.

I live at home with my parents and my wife has a hard time with it. Its why we are moving out because its not working at all here. Two women in one house can cause issues sometimes. A mom has it setup as her home, a wife wants to try and also make it feel like home to her too. And obviously as adults having to follow rules like you are kids can be hard. Then you get into issues like if a parent gets jealous you spend more time with your spouse then them...etc. Best thing to do is find a new place to live when you can. Which I think you mentioned you plan on doing.

Remember, its ok to make your MIL comfy, but don't jeopardize your marriage by making your hubby unhappy.

ToBeLoved · Feb 6, 2016

I don't necessarily think a major point is your husband setting up a home for you as someone else has suggested.

In Biblical times when a man married his wife always moved to live with her husband and his family.

Although living now a days with your husbands family is not optimal, many people have done this. For thousands of years.

She has an opportunity to build a relationship with her mother-in-law and I hope that she makes the best of it. Remembering that God commands us to love, kindness and long suffering in continuing to be like Him.

QuietBeauty · Feb 6, 2016

1watchman said:
You and your husband can show a little affection in front of his mom, Beauty, but intimate embracing would not be appropriate. You both should plan an evening out in town for some personal time, and I think his mother would understand that as reasonable. Has she ever said anything against you? Please don't build "a mountain out of a molehill" as the saying goes. Put the Lord Jesus first in your life and He will guide you.

No she's never said anything against me, Our relationship is still new so I just want to make her happy. But Since I posted this, God has helped me with this situation and I feel so much better about it. Thank you for your reply !

QuietBeauty · Feb 6, 2016

Goodbook said:
Well ok. It could be you just doing pda that ought to be reserved for your own bedroom.
I just thought it was like you kissed him on the cheek or giving hugs, but if its more, then yea go into your room!

I think each person ought to know how to control their bodies and not get carried away, even when they newly married esp in front of other people, mothers in law or not. Like i wouldnt like to see people groping or fondling each other in my house. My sisters bf seemed like he was doing that when he stayed over one time and I just thought, no. They werent even married, but they wanted to sleep together IN MY ROOM. I was like, no, we have a spare bedroom for guests and my room is a girls room. I dont care if you think you a couple, you not doing it in MY BED. Lol.

Haha, Of course it's not more than kissing on the cheek and hugging!

I agree, Thank you for your reply!

QuietBeauty · Feb 6, 2016

NothingIsImpossible said:
Theres nothing wrong with holding hands, kissing in front of the mom. I mean.... if its a quick "Good to see you!" kiss on your hubby then I see nothing wrong with that. Now if its more intense kissing then of course you save that for the bedroom or other private area. Its fine to want to make your MIL comfy, but your also married adults. Your husband comes first. Again this doesn't mean do anything crazy like intense kissing in front of her of course. But it means she to has to realize your married adults.

I live at home with my parents and my wife has a hard time with it. Its why we are moving out because its not working at all here. Two women in one house can cause issues sometimes. A mom has it setup as her home, a wife wants to try and also make it feel like home to her too. And obviously as adults having to follow rules like you are kids can be hard. Then you get into issues like if a parent gets jealous you spend more time with your spouse then them...etc. Best thing to do is find a new place to live when you can. Which I think you mentioned you plan on doing.

Remember, its ok to make your MIL comfy, but don't jeopardize your marriage by making your hubby unhappy.

Thank you so much for your reply & sharing your own story with me, I really appreciate it!

QuietBeauty · Feb 6, 2016

Goodbook said:
If you just staying on their couch well you must be discreet. Being christians the bible says for a man to leave and cleave- obviously your situation is difficult.

Your husband hasnt left, BUT he thinks he can still cleave. When you in your own marital bed it is fine. But if you are not then you are guests. And so there needs to be some respect, couples that are noisy and acting like heathens well obviously its not the right thing to do.

If your situation is that you have separate sleep out then it would be better. But if you are sharing the same house, and kitchen, and bathroom there WILL be boundaries that you cannot cross. Being affectionate doesnt mean you have to be touching each other all thetime! You can express your feelings by sending notes to each other while apart and when you together you must learn to be appropriate. And if you are being that and your mother in law still has a problem then its her problem i would just pray ask God what to say or do when shes there.

Your husband really needs to take responisbilty and set up a home for you both. Im sorry. Its not going to work indefinitely if he wants both you and his mother under the same roof.

We know how to control ourselves, I just want to make sure that even a kiss on the cheek is okay with his mother. Again, I respect her and I just want her to have peace in her home. My husband is working very hard right now so we can have everything we need to move on with our lives. Thank you for your reply though, I really appreciate it.

QuietBeauty · Feb 6, 2016

DaveW-Ohev said:
Who set the rule up for no cuddling or other display of affection - You, your MIL, or your husband?

Do you have your own private bedroom?

I am a father of 4 grown children, 3 girls and 1 boy; and all are married. On occasion 3 of the 4 married couples have stayed with us, the exception being our oldest. She and her husband lived in his parents' home for a while.

I would say that if I did NOT see at least the occasional open display of affection, I would be concerned for their relationship.

But that is just me, others' mileage may vary.

No we live in a basement apartment (bachelor's). Since posting this, things are looking up. God has helped us so much with this situation. I agree, Thank you for replying to my post! I really appreciate it!

ToBeLoved · Feb 6, 2016

QuietBeauty said:
No we live in a basement apartment (bachelor's). Since posting this, things are looking up. God has helped us so much with this situation. I agree, Thank you for replying to my post! I really appreciate it!

God is good!

I am so happy for you and your family.

May God continue to bless you.

QuietBeauty · Feb 6, 2016

ToBeLoved said:
God is good!

I am so happy for you and your family.

May God continue to bless you.

Aww, Thank you so much!

Hi Everyone...I need some advice.

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