There is no way I can ever make up for the harm I did to Christians

Linet Kihonge

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Thank you :) I really, really appreciate you and so many others taking the time to reply.

I know that there are no shortage of Chrisitans who've felt the sting of the same "type" of people I have. I'm genuinely baffled as to how you don't hate them. You'd think it would be easy to not hate. Like when people say "hatred is bad" you could just go, "Ohh, right, so I'll stop."

I think it takes work to not hate. And it's something I just can't do on my own. I'm hoping if I embrace God I can find some way of letting it go.

I really liked the quote above about God being the avenger. Maybe that's what happened to me. Christians had no need to take their revenge on me.

I'll try. I wish it were easier. Nothing is easy I guess. But they say God never gives us more than we can handle. At least I think that's a verse somewhere. If it's true, then I'll find a way.

Progar, being human is one of the most difficult tasks in this world and I won't lie to you that I've been there to, lashed out at anyone and everyone, because I was angry at life and everything else. I have battled with rage for quite sometime and it can go to a whole new level, right from saying and believing in taking an innocent life to almost taking the action.

But I won't lie to you when that vengeance is returned with pure humility it only turns into immense remorse and pure bliss that you become so repentant that you almost wish you would be cast out into darkness. I could only feel an unquenchable desire to balance out the math but nothing seemed to really get me there.

Prograr, the Holy Spirit takes all that and turns you into the most blissful person in the world but this time round, you won't be humble but the most humble, pure and warm person on this world. You will find it easier to breath, love, embrace people from all walks of life to taking hours in understanding the WORD OF GOD.

Therefore, what prayer would you like to make before sunset or in the evening? :)
 
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Grafted In

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I think rather than trying to forgive everyone you should give yourself totally to Jesus Christ and allow Him to change you His way.
After all, you have admitted to hurting countless others yourself. Do you believe you are justified in your hatred of the ones who hurt you?
Jesus can and will make a new person out of you but He does not need a blueprint from you. Give yourself wholly to Him, get in His word with all the zeal you put into hurting others.
I think it will amaze you what He can do with you just as you are.
 
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rockytopva

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Well... You did less harm than the Apostle Paul...

1 Then Agrippa said unto Paul, Thou art permitted to speak for thyself. Then Paul stretched forth the hand, and answered for himself:
2 I think myself happy, king Agrippa, because I shall answer for myself this day before thee touching all the things whereof I am accused of the Jews:
3 Especially because I know thee to be expert in all customs and questions which are among the Jews: wherefore I beseech thee to hear me patiently.
4 My manner of life from my youth, which was at the first among mine own nation at Jerusalem, know all the Jews;
5 Which knew me from the beginning, if they would testify, that after the most straitest sect of our religion I lived a Pharisee.
6 And now I stand and am judged for the hope of the promise made of God, unto our fathers:
7 Unto which promise our twelve tribes, instantly serving God day and night, hope to come. For which hope's sake, king Agrippa, I am accused of the Jews.
8 Why should it be thought a thing incredible with you, that God should raise the dead?
9 I verily thought with myself, that I ought to do many things contrary to the name of Jesus of Nazareth.
10 Which thing I also did in Jerusalem: and many of the saints did I shut up in prison, having received authority from the chief priests; and when they were put to death, I gave my voice against them.
11 And I punished them oft in every synagogue, and compelled them to blaspheme; and being exceedingly mad against them, I persecuted them even unto strange cities.
12 Whereupon as I went to Damascus with authority and commission from the chief priests,
13 At midday, O king, I saw in the way a light from heaven, above the brightness of the sun, shining round about me and them which journeyed with me.
14 And when we were all fallen to the earth, I heard a voice speaking unto me, and saying in the Hebrew tongue, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me? it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks.
15 And I said, Who art thou, Lord? And he said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest.
16 But rise, and stand upon thy feet: for I have appeared unto thee for this purpose, to make thee a minister and a witness both of these things which thou hast seen, and of those things in the which I will appear unto thee;
17 Delivering thee from the people, and from the Gentiles, unto whom now I send thee,
18 To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me. - Acts 26
 
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98cwitr

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As a militant atheist for 20 years of my life, I can understand your position. Christians side with the truth, and anything apart from truth is irrelevant. I don't think anyone you offended needs your forgiveness per se, but true repentance toward God is the only way to come clean. His peace be with you. :)
 
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paul1149

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Parogar, an amazing story. God bless you.

I'll give you two stories. The first is from the Bible. When the Israelites had traveled for days in the desert, they came upon a desperately-needed spring of water. But then they found that the water was so bitter it was undrinkable. This was beyond disappointment, it was a matter of life and death, with millions of people including children and aged.

God instructed Moses to cut down a certain tree and throw it into the water. He did so, and the waters were made sweet and drinkable. That tree is a type of the cross upon which Jesus gave Himself for us. If you take your bitterness to the cross, and there consider all the bitterness Christ took on Himself for you, you will be able to unburden yourself of carrying it yourself. You will be filled with an awe that reaches the bottom of your soul that such a love - completely voluntary and unmerited - can even exist. You will see your own sinfulness in a new light of clarity, and you will realize your need of the Savior. And because He first loved you, you will love Him in return.

This is essential Christianity.

The second story is about two flying aces in World War II, one Japanese the other American. The Japanese one was the leader of the raid on Pearl Harbor, and participated in all three waves of the raid. He rejoiced at the pain he had inflicted on the enemy. The American participated in a raid over Japan, and was shot down. In prison he and his comrades were horribly treated. Many died, but he survived.

The war turned against Japan, and afterward the Japanese pilot, having seen everything he believed in fall apart, was consumed by hatred and bitterness. The American was released and went back to America. A couple of years later the Japanese pilot was astonished to learn that the American had forgiven his captors, and now was returning to Japan to help rebuild the nation. The Japanese pilot, who was a classically trained warrior, recognized spiritual power when he saw it, and realized he had to find out where the American had found this kind of undreamed-of power - the power to forgive, which had completely eluded the Japanese pilot. He contacted the American and set up a meeting. The American, who was an evangelist, introduced him to the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Japanese pilot, upon seeing the Source of the power, gave his life to Him, was set free and became an evangelist himself.

There is power in the Blood to remove all sin and its traces. You cannot out-sin God's forgiveness, because that forgiveness is rooted in the merit of the sacrifice of the perfect man, Jesus Christ, a merit far above the surly bonds of this world. And because He is also God, He is our intermediary, always making intercession for us.

Take whatever you're carrying to Christ, and He will set you free. He will remove the bitterness from you. You do not have to carry it any longer.
 
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totesTheGoat

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I think it takes work to not hate. And it's something I just can't do on my own. I'm hoping if I embrace God I can find some way of letting it go.

I'm gonna pray for you, brother. I've found that some of the most persuasive and admirable Christians are ones who were agnostic, atheist, hedonist, or pagan, and then had God give them a good hard smack on the noggin (metaphorically, of course) at some point in their life.

Many are going to focus on trying to get you to forgive and release your hatred. I think you should shift your focus to love (not romantic love, but agape: charitable love .... unconditional love). Once you internalize the fact that God truly loves you, even though you've been anything but loving to Him, then you'll be in a position to better understand forgiveness and releasing hatred.

Also, get your hand on everything you possibly can about Paul the Apostle. The man was very good at his job, and his job was to harass and kill Christians. If God's Love and Grace can overcome that, God's Love and Grace can overcome your past.
 
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Parogar

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Parogar, an amazing story. God bless you.

I'll give you two stories. The first is from the Bible. When the Israelites had traveled for days in the desert, they came upon a desperately-needed spring of water. But then they found that the water was so bitter it was undrinkable. This was beyond disappointment, it was a matter of life and death, with millions of people including children and aged.

God instructed Moses to cut down a certain tree and throw it into the water. He did so, and the waters were made sweet and drinkable. That tree is a type of the cross upon which Jesus gave Himself for us. If you take your bitterness to the cross, and there consider all the bitterness Christ took on Himself for you, you will be able to unburden yourself of carrying it yourself. You will be filled with an awe that reaches the bottom of your soul that such a love - completely voluntary and unmerited - can even exist. You will see your own sinfulness in a new light of clarity, and you will realize your need of the Savior. And because He first loved you, you will love Him in return.

This is essential Christianity.

The second story is about two flying aces in World War II, one Japanese the other American. The Japanese one was the leader of the raid on Pearl Harbor, and participated in all three waves of the raid. He rejoiced at the pain he had inflicted on the enemy. The American participated in a raid over Japan, and was shot down. In prison he and his comrades were horribly treated. Many died, but he survived.

The war turned against Japan, and afterward the Japanese pilot, having seen everything he believed in fall apart, was consumed by hatred and bitterness. The American was released and went back to America. A couple of years later the Japanese pilot was astonished to learn that the American had forgiven his captors, and now was returning to Japan to help rebuild the nation. The Japanese pilot, who was a classically trained warrior, recognized spiritual power when he saw it, and realized he had to find out where the American had found this kind of undreamed-of power - the power to forgive, which had completely eluded the Japanese pilot. He contacted the American and set up a meeting. The American, who was an evangelist, introduced him to the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Japanese pilot, upon seeing the Source of the power, gave his life to Him, was set free and became an evangelist himself.

There is power in the Blood to remove all sin and its traces. You cannot out-sin God's forgiveness, because that forgiveness is rooted in the merit of the sacrifice of the perfect man, Jesus Christ, a merit far above the surly bonds of this world. And because He is also God, He is our intermediary, always making intercession for us.

Take whatever you're carrying to Christ, and He will set you free. He will remove the bitterness from you. You do not have to carry it any longer.


Appreciated. Very thankful for you taking the time to write this. Takes a lot to really cope with the fact that anything can be forgiven. I've heard that before now that I think back on it (on these forums no less). There really are no words to capture just how tremendous of a thing it is to offer forgiveness for anything. Now I see why it's called a sacrifice. But it's a much bigger sacrifice than I can quantify in words alone.
 
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Drew Jones

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Parogar,

The Bible says that we are all born sinners. From your first breath, you were unworthy. So was I.

Now, I want you to consider something. When Jesus died for us, he did so by bearing the weight of everybody's sins. This means ALL of them. Mine, yours, even Hitler's. Even the ones that you and I have not done yet.

Take a moment and imagine the scope of what he did for us. Every sin, by every man, ever. All at once.

If he can do that, I am sure you can do this one little thing.

Believe in Him. Know Him and you will be saved.

That's all there is too it.
 
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dhh712

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And now that I'm sure Jesus Christ is the lord and savior, I cannot even bring myself to go to him because I am so ashamed and so undeserving of being saved and because I know that the weight of my sins is so heavy it's no longer even possible for me to make amends for it.

I can't even remember all the names. All the people I attacked and called subhuman just for being Christian. I can say for sure it was done out of hate and malice. It's probably what drives every militant atheist, who are every bit as evangelical as evangelicals only they lie to both themselves and others.

I lost so much. I lost my entire platform and all that I had that made me anyone who mattered. And none of it -- not even a bit -- was done to me at the hands of the Christians whom I hurt.

I am sorry to every Christian I trolled, lied to, hurt, insulted, or tried to persecute because of my own hatred. I don't even know if forgiveness is possible for someone like me. Especially because my hatred of the feminists who did this to me is stronger than my desire not to burn in hell for eternity.

They created post after post savaging me the way I savaged Christians, letting me really know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of far-left hatred. My name (Kevin Weinberg) is so smeared and tainted by lies and people calling me a "misogynist" and a "sexist" when none of it was ever true, that I might have to change it. I know now what it feels like to be on the receiving end of what I did daily to Christians for no good reason.

I guess the most I can do is hope that one day I can make things right to all the Christians I attacked, even though there were so many I can't remember their names.

Maybe then I will be able to ask Christ for forgiveness. I certainly don't deserve any right now.

I hope you won't feel this way always. You are correct that you do not deserve forgiveness--no one of us deserves anything less than the entire wrath of God. But God is merciful as well as just and out of his love for his children, he provided us with a Saviour so that we can trust in him for forgiveness of all sins--even that of atheism and blashpheming God.

I was once an atheist and though I may not have been overly militant, I did place a number of posts on a message board making fun of Christians for having such ridiculous beliefs as I then saw them then and striving to get the logic across of how it makes no sense to believe in God. I made crude jokes about Christ our Saviour, and enjoyed taking the Lord's name in vain.

I hope you will one day rest in the finished work of Christ and marvel at the wonderful mercy of such a God as the one living God, that he would concern himself with creatures such as us. God is Sovereign and he ordained your prior atheism, just as he did mine, so that he can show his incredible mercy. All of us prior to our conversions were haters of God, though we may have shown it in different ways.

Trust in God's word and use the past to reinforce your dedication to him now. It is often that those who have been forgiven much show the most love toward God. We are no longer indebted to him for our sins, but for the great love that he has shown toward us. Let the great depths of the wilderness from which we were drawn make us cling ever so closely to the cross.
 
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katerinah1947

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A year ago, I was a minor "internet celebrity."
I had about 50,000 fans on a website called Wattpad, I was a smug, extremely-far left liberal, and I had dedicated my entire life to my writing. I also came here frequently and trolled Christians but that's another thing entirely.

Essentially, I used my power to harm Christians. As a militant atheist, I had dedicated myself to attacking Christians, tearing their faith away, filling people with doubt, and leading them directly into sin.

I became more and more conflicted as I did this. My forum history on here shows that well enough, often switching back and forth between seeker and militant atheist/troll.

But something happened to me along the way. One day, two far-left feminists made lies about me: complete, utter lies. The atheists/feminists/trolls I sided with stabbed me in the back and got me banned from my platform, completely cutting me off from my fanbase and having 3.5 years of my work destroyed in an instant from my banishment.

Who took my side? All the Christians i had disrespected, insulted, mocked, and ridiculed. They were the only ones who spoke the truth. They said, "He didn't do what you're accusing him of."

There's no real way I can apologize to the Christians on here that I attempted to lead into sin, nor is there a way I can ever even begin to make amends for a single shred of the times I debased and humiliated Christians.

The funny thing is that if anyone were to bring me down and make me suffer, it should have been Christians. I at least would have been getting payback. Maybe I could cope with it, because I'd know that the people harming me were only giving me what I deserved.

But no. It wasn't the Christians who made the last year of my life the most painful and dark of my entire existence. It wasn't the Christians who hurt me to the point I lost my way again and again and again. It was the people I associated with. It was the side I fought for.

And now that I'm sure Jesus Christ is the lord and savior, I cannot even bring myself to go to him because I am so ashamed and so undeserving of being saved and because I know that the weight of my sins is so heavy it's no longer even possible for me to make amends for it.

I can't even remember all the names. All the people I attacked and called subhuman just for being Christian. I can say for sure it was done out of hate and malice. It's probably what drives every militant atheist, who are every bit as evangelical as evangelicals only they lie to both themselves and others.

I lost so much. I lost my entire platform and all that I had that made me anyone who mattered. And none of it -- not even a bit -- was done to me at the hands of the Christians whom I hurt.

I am sorry to every Christian I trolled, lied to, hurt, insulted, or tried to persecute because of my own hatred. I don't even know if forgiveness is possible for someone like me. Especially because my hatred of the feminists who did this to me is stronger than my desire not to burn in hell for eternity.

They created post after post savaging me the way I savaged Christians, letting me really know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of far-left hatred. My name (Kevin Weinberg) is so smeared and tainted by lies and people calling me a "misogynist" and a "sexist" when none of it was ever true, that I might have to change it. I know now what it feels like to be on the receiving end of what I did daily to Christians for no good reason.

I guess the most I can do is hope that one day I can make things right to all the Christians I attacked, even though there were so many I can't remember their names.

Maybe then I will be able to ask Christ for forgiveness. I certainly don't deserve any right now.

Hi,

Others here noted how much you remind us of Paul, the Apostle.

God, did some great work through him.

He used Paul to talk to the Gentiles about Jesus.

It seems historically, God has trouble with people who don't have strong feelings.

Somewhere, it is said, that the dispassionate, not those who are strongly for or against God, that God is not for.

Really. If God is for you now, how can you disagree with Him?

How can you not be for, what God is for now?

As hard as that may be to accept, is it not so?

When you understand more, surely you will start to forgive yourself.

Blaming others, only lasts so long. It lasts as long as you don't know any better.

Now, like someone else said here, not me yet, turn your life over to Jesus, and that part of your life is given to Him also.

He will make even that part, into something good.

Swords into plowshares.

The Lion laying down with the lamb.

Those are also meanings.

How do those not apply to you. They do.

I am a Christian. I have zero problems with your past, other than pain for you, who has gone through so much.

Other Christains feel similar.

LOVE,
 
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ToBeLoved

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First, I'd like to say that this is a wonderful testimony :hug:

This testimony of how you came to Christ will resionate with a lot of people and has so much potential to bring glory to God. :clap: It is very moving and something that we can all relate to in some degree. That's why I say it will be powerful when shared. Eveyone has done something that they are so truly sorry for.

What you are doing in your OP is exactly what Jesus would want you to do. To share your story and ask forgiveness. God considers asking for forgiveness in very high stature. That is one of the main tenants of Christianity. The other thing you have already done is to repent. To be sorry for what actions you have taken in the past and have changed your mind to not do that in the future.

You are actually at a wonderful place (minus your current struggles with hate for those who have done this to you).

What God is looking for is faith. Period.

Do you believe that the Father sent His Son to die for your sins on the cross?

If you believe that you have faith.

All you need to do is extend that faith to God in your heart by your words (either aloud or silently).

Dear Lord, I have sinned. I have done things to people that they did not deserve and I know that your Son, Jesus Christ is the only one who can forgive sin. I believe that Your Son is God and has the power to forgive my sin and indwell in my heart. Lord, I want to become a child of yours. To become a new creation in Christ. Amen.

That is all you need to do. Pray that prayer in faith.

God bless you my friend.
 
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Just wanted to write that I can relate to your story. I was a total hedonist, far left radical, occasional activist, and vented my hostility toward Christians when I could. I also experienced doubt that I could be forgiven for the things I did and encouraged others to do. I harassed pro-life people in person. I am still ashamed of that, and have considered writing to some of the people I harassed (I was part of a group doing this) to ask forgiveness. I guess I am still too cowardly. So I respect your courage to post this.

I also want to acknowledge just how nasty the far left can be. I was one of them--the nasty ones. I don't know what you are going through exactly, but I can imagine. When I was part of that world, I felt very morally righteous. Now that I have some perspective I can see how morally bankrupt my associates and I were. It was all adrenaline and ego and attack. I got a little taste of that when I held the wrong opinion on a domestic dispute between a couple (I gave the man some sympathy and didn't buy into all the accusations just because a woman made them--you don't do that as a radical feminist!). Ugly. And I didn't experience near the level of what you have. So I feel for you.

I will pray that you find comfort and the ability to forgive those who have persecuted you. I think these big personal upheavals and life-rocking conversions are a great testimony, as difficult as they are. There is room for deep repentance. This is what I have come to believe for myself. Maybe you will always feel a distaste for the feminists who trashed your name. It would be understandable. I am not a big fan of political radicals these days; I think they are part of a destructive force. But I am grateful I was saved from all of that.

I believe you can do something with this that helps others. As a writer maybe you can use the experience. I have read a few conversion memoirs lately that have helped me. Maybe it will be something different. Whatever the case, I believe that God is using you and will use you and that all that you have lost is simply an emptying. You will be filled and it will be better. I pray this for you! Similarly, I think that you will find forgiveness. Be patient and gentle with yourself. I have harbored a lot of hate and resentment. I know it lessens overtime when I confess it, pray, and work on it.

Alright, I've said enough. Glad you are here!
 
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ToBeLoved

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Thank you :) I really, really appreciate you and so many others taking the time to reply.

I know that there are no shortage of Chrisitans who've felt the sting of the same "type" of people I have. I'm genuinely baffled as to how you don't hate them. You'd think it would be easy to not hate. Like when people say "hatred is bad" you could just go, "Ohh, right, so I'll stop."

I think it takes work to not hate. And it's something I just can't do on my own. I'm hoping if I embrace God I can find some way of letting it go.

I really liked the quote above about God being the avenger. Maybe that's what happened to me. Christians had no need to take their revenge on me.

I'll try. I wish it were easier. Nothing is easy I guess. But they say God never gives us more than we can handle. At least I think that's a verse somewhere. If it's true, then I'll find a way.
What really helps getting rid of the hate is understanding what God does for us. He loved us when He died for us. God Himself took all the sins of the world on Himself. For you. To get you back from the sin that will damn you. He loved us while we were still enemies. Your eternity will be wonderful. Eternity. Do you also know that through Christ, He has made you a co-heir with Him to the Father. You are a co-heir WITH GOD. Jesus also forgives your sins throughout your life. He will never leave you or forsake you. You receive the indwelling Holy Spirit, God Himself residing inside of you. Look at all God has given you.

Jesus tells us that two commandments fulfill all of the law; to love the Lord your God with all your heart soul and mind and to love your neighbor as yourself.

To get to love, you must get past the hate and pain. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you with the hate. Ask Him to give you a forgiiving heart. Your part is to keep trying and it's easier to do when you know how much you are loved.

I hope this helps,
God bless you
 
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Wgw

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I know he is in some part of me. I guess what's holding me back is my hatred. I want revenge. I want revenge so, so, so bad. These feminists, they took everything from me. I grew up a loser. I had no friends. No one believed in me. Then I discovered Wattpad. I gained a huge following. EVery day, people would tell me they loved me, that I was someone special: someone who mattered.

And just like that, after finally building myself up, I was BASHED back down. And I have so much evil hatred in me. I don't believe this website's rules permit me to even voice a fraction of the violent thoughts that I have towards the people who hurt me.

I tried talking to a shrink. Didn't help. Can Jesus make the hate go away? Can anyone? I've not been able to get back on my feet because I'm living every day now just for revenge.

The anger you feel is not unwarranted, however, it is a destructive passion and I think you feel its destructive potential. The divine grace offered by our Lord can certainly open the door to you being forgiven. Also, by forgiving the people who backstabbed you, you in turn ensure your own forgiveness, according to the Gospel message.
 
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TheyCallMeDave

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A year ago, I was a minor "internet celebrity."
I had about 50,000 fans on a website called Wattpad, I was a smug, extremely-far left liberal, and I had dedicated my entire life to my writing. I also came here frequently and trolled Christians but that's another thing entirely.

Essentially, I used my power to harm Christians. As a militant atheist, I had dedicated myself to attacking Christians, tearing their faith away, filling people with doubt, and leading them directly into sin.

I became more and more conflicted as I did this. My forum history on here shows that well enough, often switching back and forth between seeker and militant atheist/troll.

But something happened to me along the way. One day, two far-left feminists made lies about me: complete, utter lies. The atheists/feminists/trolls I sided with stabbed me in the back and got me banned from my platform, completely cutting me off from my fanbase and having 3.5 years of my work destroyed in an instant from my banishment.

Who took my side? All the Christians i had disrespected, insulted, mocked, and ridiculed. They were the only ones who spoke the truth. They said, "He didn't do what you're accusing him of."

There's no real way I can apologize to the Christians on here that I attempted to lead into sin, nor is there a way I can ever even begin to make amends for a single shred of the times I debased and humiliated Christians.

The funny thing is that if anyone were to bring me down and make me suffer, it should have been Christians. I at least would have been getting payback. Maybe I could cope with it, because I'd know that the people harming me were only giving me what I deserved.

But no. It wasn't the Christians who made the last year of my life the most painful and dark of my entire existence. It wasn't the Christians who hurt me to the point I lost my way again and again and again. It was the people I associated with. It was the side I fought for.

And now that I'm sure Jesus Christ is the lord and savior, I cannot even bring myself to go to him because I am so ashamed and so undeserving of being saved and because I know that the weight of my sins is so heavy it's no longer even possible for me to make amends for it.

I can't even remember all the names. All the people I attacked and called subhuman just for being Christian. I can say for sure it was done out of hate and malice. It's probably what drives every militant atheist, who are every bit as evangelical as evangelicals only they lie to both themselves and others.

I lost so much. I lost my entire platform and all that I had that made me anyone who mattered. And none of it -- not even a bit -- was done to me at the hands of the Christians whom I hurt.

I am sorry to every Christian I trolled, lied to, hurt, insulted, or tried to persecute because of my own hatred. I don't even know if forgiveness is possible for someone like me. Especially because my hatred of the feminists who did this to me is stronger than my desire not to burn in hell for eternity.

They created post after post savaging me the way I savaged Christians, letting me really know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of far-left hatred. My name (Kevin Weinberg) is so smeared and tainted by lies and people calling me a "misogynist" and a "sexist" when none of it was ever true, that I might have to change it. I know now what it feels like to be on the receiving end of what I did daily to Christians for no good reason.

I guess the most I can do is hope that one day I can make things right to all the Christians I attacked, even though there were so many I can't remember their names.

Maybe then I will be able to ask Christ for forgiveness. I certainly don't deserve any right now.

God was able to totally forgive the Apostle Paul in the NT for murdering Christians in his time and im sure you haven't gone that far with Christians. Just receive the finished sacrificial work of Jesus on the cross for your many sins and allow Gods plan of salvation to cover over you and he will take you to heaven which none of us deserve. Hope to see you there.
 
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ToBeLoved

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Parogar you can be forgiven. The apostle Paul used to persecute Christians and look how God used him. So your sins can and have been forgiven. God bless you! :prayer:
He did a little more, he had Christians killed before he came to Christ.
 
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