Hi,
Oh my this one is tough. I looked at it yesterday, and could say nothing, as horror and fear gripped, me.
What do I say?
Do I know of what this says, in 3 through 20? Yes, indeed I know, for I have lived them. Was it a lesson to learn from? Yes.
To be clear this sin, have I done. This sin took away years and years and years of my life. It hurt others.
It hurt, even though I was not a Christian except by Birth Baptism. I doubt, that this would have been my sin once, had I been knowing that God was Real and The Bible is Real, back in those days.
Yes, I was taken in. Yes, I lost my life for all those years.
Yet, with Jesus and what He does, I have a new life in God, that is so unbelievable as the death here, if it was realized, was realized and then I was resurrected somehow. No. No, I do not feel it. I do not feel resurrected, Biblically.
My life makes no sense, though,. How it can be so wonderful and glorious; (glory is giving credit where credit is due. Glorious merely means here, that God did much to me.); and yet have committed that sin, twice?
Maybe I have died, and don't know it. And yet, I am not alive in Christ, rather it is Christ that allowed me to live.
Then in my life, for I am also transgendered, even that, while still confusing me a little, if I lean not on my own understandings, but only listen to the directions given to me by Jesus, then things are fine.
I am confused though, why do not others do this. Ah, I know. I was forced to submit to God, as there is and was no other choice. So, like Jonah, until forced I listened only to me. I was forced.
Still the confusion is large for others. Their question has to be, for an adulterer in a male body, and a transgender woman in a male's body, how can God not reject you? Are you not the worst sinner that even you have heard of? In those terms, YES. YES, I am one of the worst sinners that I can think of in those terms. (I do not like to tell the truth here. It is your ways, and Proverbs 5, that cause this. For how can I keep secret anything of God, and is it not said, that all things of God are to be revealed, someday.)
With being a transgender from age 5, and trying to please people and not God, I even adulterated twice and went through all that is here.
It is only since the year 2000, and I was born in 1947, that eventually I tried only to please God, as that is what knowledge of God causes.
It is in that pleasing God, from actually knowing this book is Real, and therefore God is Real, that eventually from the year 2000, my life changed. Yet, I was an adulterer. I listened. I lost. I lost for more than thirty years.
Later, I was captured by a Narcissist. They do that. I lost/won almost 26 years of my life to her. Yes, I was still trying to please others and not God.
I say won, as I did get what I wanted. I wanted three children, and my daughter is equal to three normal children in activity when she was born. Everyone noticed.
I say won, because eventually the Narcissist did something, she attacked my daughter religiously.
I say won, as to find out if she was being attacked or not, I had to find out something, of which I knew nothing of at the time. the year was about 1992 or so.
I say won as that slavery to the Narcissist, gave me no idea of self. Self no longer mattered to me. Being a parent also does that.
I say won, as I am a scientist of sorts, and That Book that you in this Proverbs section, know is true, I did not, and using Science only proved it was Real.
I say won, as the Bible talks about God, and since the Bible is Real so is God.
Since I knew God was real, rather Quickly He God made His presence known to me in the smallest most unique ways, then without noticing soon I was working only for Him.
Then somehow, working for Him, God The Father's Son, and Mary did something one day, but before that, I, who have only posted some of my sins, I was given the ability to love, like God actually loves for awhile.
How, or why is it possible, for a sinner as large as I, one so large that if I told you what I am capable of, even Sociopaths might cringe, and I was given the ability to love like God actually loves for a short period of time. Only the memory remains now.
So, that is enough. This would all confuse me, as it is true what it says here, and my story is true also, if I did not know of Jesus.
It is only since I know of Jesus, and know that Jesus did things to and for me, including revealing His Actual Father to me one day, as He says He can do, does it not make sense, but I believe that no one is beyond God's love, and what we all call being saved, which to me translates to, life after death, but with God, rather than life after death without God.
Still, I read Proverbs, because it makes me wiser, even in the affirmations of what I have done wrong, in the past.
How, I can be all that I am in the past, and still in a mystical marriage with God which happened about 7 years after finding out The Bible and God is Real, I do not know. I suspect it is because, Biblically it is said somewhere by God: "Who loves Me, most? Is it the one I have forgiven little to, or the one I
have forgiven much to?"
That comforted me, in this seeming impossibility. I am sorry actually to tell you all the truth about my actual sins and abilities to sin. I just did not know how to respond to this, without telling the truth.
I hate this Proverb, as it was my life for many years. I love this Proverb, because it is true, but with Jesus the outcome is fixable, by Jesus.
LOVE,
...Mary., M. .... .
Proverbs 5 NIV
1
My son,pay attention to my wisdom,
turn your ear to my words of insight,
2
that you may maintain discretion
and your lips may preserve knowledge.
3
For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey,
and her speech is smoother than oil;
4
but in the end she is bitter as gall,
sharp as a double-edged sword.
5
Her feet go down to death;
her steps lead straight to the grave.
6
She gives no thought to the way of life;
her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it.
7
Now then, my sons, listen to me;
do not turn aside from what I say.
8
Keep to a path far from her,
do not go near the door of her house,
9
lest you lose your honor to others
and your dignity[
a] to one who is cruel,
10
lest strangers feast on your wealth
and your toil enrich the house of another.
11
At the end of your life you will groan,
when your flesh and body are spent.
12
You will say, “How I hated discipline!
How my heart spurned correction!
13
I would not obey my teachers
or turn my ear to my instructors.
14
And I was soon in serious trouble
in the assembly of God’s people.”
15
Drink water from your own cistern,
running water from your own well.
16
Should your springs overflow in the streets,
your streams of water in the public squares?
17
Let them be yours alone,
never to be shared with strangers.
18
May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19
A loving doe, a graceful deer—
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
20
Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife?
Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?
21
For your ways are in full view of the Lord,
and he examines all your paths.
22
The evil deeds of the wicked ensnare them;
the cords of their sins hold them fast.
23
For lack of discipline they will die,
led astray by their own great folly.
Footnotes:
- Proverbs 5:9 Or years
New International Version (NIV)
Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by
Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
If you want you can remove this. They say Saints are perfect. I wish I was. They say to be holy is to be perfect. I wish that were also my life, perfect.
I really do not understand, how God can make things right, but I trust that He has.
LOVE,
...Mary., M., .... .
