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what are you feeling right now? (23)

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Jeshu

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Im am doing well. How are you brother?

Apart of sleeping I haven't been doing too bad. I wish I would get a full night for a change, it are very long days and sometimes very short nights (3-5 hours a night.) Still often nauseous as well that has put a real damper on my waking hours.
 
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Extraneous

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Apart of sleeping I haven't been doing too bad. I wish I would get a full night for a change, it are very long days and sometimes very short nights (3-5 hours a night.) Still often nauseous as well that has put a real damper on my waking hours.

Do you drink much caffeine? I have days that i cant sleep because of some spiritual distress, but other nights it may be because i drink too much caffeine. I can usually tell the difference though, because when distress is the problem, i feel much more tired and the distress is much more intense. Sometimes i have trouble sleeping because i feel too good. Maybe i'm building something which makes me feel good, i might think about it and it brings me joy. I wish i had more nights like that. :) You probably already considered this though. I'm sure you have. Im really just speaking my mind brother, just conversation.

People should find things that can help them find happiness. Life will still be hard, but it can be helpful to have something simple that causes us no harm, but adds quality to our lives. I strongly recommend hobbies. Its amazing how a hobby can actually be so enjoyable. It can consume your time and your thoughts. This is better than allowing distress to consume our thinking. There will always be good times and bad times, but finding something simple in life that we can enjoy will give us more good times, and will help us to meditate on something useful. God gave us so many things. The bible says that God created men who are skilled in crafts, and its God who gave us those skills. Its a gift from God. We can find blessing in those things.
 
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Jeshu

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Do you drink much caffeine? I have days that i cant sleep because of some spiritual distress, but other nights it may be because i drink too much caffeine. I can usually tell the difference though, because when distress is the problem, i feel much more tired and the distress is much more intense. Sometimes i have trouble sleeping because i feel too good. Maybe i'm building something which makes me feel good, i might think about it and it brings me joy. I wish i had more nights like that. :) You probably already considered this though. I'm sure you have. Im really just speaking my mind brother, just conversation.

People should find things that can help them find happiness. Life will still be hard, but it can be helpful to have something simple that causes us no harm, but adds quality to our lives. I strongly recommend hobbies. Its amazing how a hobly can actually be so enjoyable. It can consume your time and your thoughts. This is better than allowing distress to consume our thinking. There will always be good times and bad times, but finding something simple in life that we can enjoy will give us more good times, and will help us to meditate on something useful. God gave us so many things. The bible says that God created men who are skilled in crafts, and its God who gave us those skills. Its a gift from God. We can find blessing in those things.

I have no problem going to sleep, by 8 pm I'm dead to the world, by 9 pm I'm of to bed. By between 11.30 and 12 midnight I begin to wake up and have trouble getting back to sleep, sometimes I get a little more but usually I don't sleep much longer then 2 or 3 am and that is when I try hard. I do drink coffee but only in the morning seldom at other times any more. I might have 2 but usually I don't finish it.

We know it is not what I eat or drink, it is my high/manic mood creeping up on me, depriving me of sleep is always the first symptom, this is (naturally) followed by irritable mood swings and exhaustion spells, which in turn triggers psychotic symptoms, where over time I loose complete touch with reality, or so it seems to go. As long as I get about 5-6 hours sleep it is not too bad but when I get less than that then things go wrong in the end. Sleeping aids don't help for long but make me feel crap, so I don't like going on them much. I try going early to bed and stay in bed for as long as I can without going mad tossing and turning. Once I averaged 4 hours sleep over 14 months and then I had a major psychotic breakdown, no wonder really.

I can get enough sleep if I medicate myself heavily with mood stabilisers and anti-psychotics, which I do when I need a break, but it makes me a total zombie in the end with this terrible unmotivated feeling that comes upon me and the death of all enjoyable emotions and sensations. In the end I end-up in hospital because I couldn't be stuffed getting a drink for then I only had to go to the toilet and I hated getting up or out of my chair - now who wants to live like that?

So I'm trying to do with as little medication as possible without going psychotic or manic. The moment I feel too much joy or think that I'm getting better, or start having visions and hallucinations, or satan begins to talk/scream to me again, then I know that it is high time to go back on meds again.

On the moment I'm back on meds, not very high yet, hoping it would kick in but it hasn't yet made much difference apart of the first 2 nights then slept like a rose, but after that it has been miss again, still I'm getting a little more, and sleep more soundly the last few nights. We have to wait and see what will happen.

A new development has been the nausea. I suffered from it years ago, before we knew I was mentally ill, I suffered from it as well. A doctor prescribed me some kind of salts that would negate the nausea. I used it for ages, but I can't remember the doctors name, nor what it was that worked so well. Doctors nowadays don't know and only advised me to use a little anti-psychotic which does help a little but makes me feel so dead inside which I don't like feeling.

Whatever way I turn pricks me.
 
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Extraneous

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I have no problem going to sleep, by 8 pm I'm dead to the world, by 9 pm I'm of to bed. By between 11.30 and 12 midnight I begin to wake up and have trouble getting back to sleep, sometimes I get a little more but usually I don't sleep much longer then 2 or 3 am and that is when I try hard. I do drink coffee but only in the morning seldom at other times any more. I might have 2 but usually I don't finish it.

We know it is not what I eat or drink, it is my high/manic mood creeping up on me, depriving me of sleep is always the first symptom, this is (naturally) followed by irritable mood swings and exhaustion spells, which in turn triggers psychotic symptoms, where over time I loose complete touch with reality, or so it seems to go. As long as I get about 5-6 hours sleep it is not too bad but when I get less than that then things go wrong in the end. Sleeping aids don't help for long but make me feel crap, so I don't like going on them much. I try going early to bed and stay in bed for as long as I can without going mad tossing and turning. Once I averaged 4 hours sleep over 14 months and then I had a major psychotic breakdown, no wonder really.

I can get enough sleep if I medicate myself heavily with mood stabilisers and anti-psychotics, which I do when I need a break, but it makes me a total zombie in the end with this terrible unmotivated feeling that comes upon me and the death of all enjoyable emotions and sensations. In the end I end-up in hospital because I couldn't be stuffed getting a drink for then I only had to go to the toilet and I hated getting up or out of my chair - now who wants to live like that?

So I'm trying to do with as little medication as possible without going psychotic or manic. The moment I feel too much joy or think that I'm getting better, or start having visions and hallucinations, or satan begins to talk/scream to me again, then I know that it is high time to go back on meds again.

On the moment I'm back on meds, not very high yet, hoping it would kick in but it hasn't yet made much difference apart of the first 2 nights then slept like a rose, but after that it has been miss again, still I'm getting a little more, and sleep more soundly the last few nights. We have to wait and see what will happen.

A new development has been the nausea. I suffered from it years ago, before we knew I was mentally ill, I suffered from it as well. A doctor prescribed me some kind of salts that would negate the nausea. I used it for ages, but I can't remember the doctors name, nor what it was that worked so well. Doctors nowadays don't know and only advised me to use a little anti-psychotic which does help a little but makes me feel so dead inside which I don't like feeling.

Whatever way I turn pricks me.


I know a lack of rest can be hard on our mental stability.

Maybe your meds are too high in dosage. Maybe cutting back will help you not feel as dysfunctional. Have they tried giving you less of a dosage? I suppose they have. That sounds rough brother.
 
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Jeshu

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My wife and our daughter are of to Perth this Weekend, they have only gone for 5 minutes and I miss them already. I pray that God keeps them safe, it is a 400 km trip notorious for its many fatal road kills. They should be back by late Sunday afternoon.
 
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Jeshu

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Im gently drifting down a stream as apposed to fighting against a raging flood. Im doing good today, and lately. I feel sustained.

I'm so happy to hear that brother. This a poem I wrote about cruising with the word on-board.

Light Travel.
Your emptiness to fill with hope and faith in God's love
for forgiving yourself is not as easy as doing it wrong,
denying the accuser to blast you with his unholy fire,
eating Christ's flesh and drinking His blood instead,
pursuing peace so you can dwell at ease in His Rest.

Only ever trusting Truly Good to fix gone Badly Wrong,
leaving this numbered and demanding life behind for good,
practising grace so you will never again lack His guidance
faithfully loving truthfully enters the narrow gate of Heaven,
Jesus Light dwelling within where once The Darkness ruled.
 
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My wife and our daughter are of to Perth this Weekend, they have only gone for 5 minutes and I miss them already. I pray that God keeps them safe, it is a 400 km trip notorious for its many fatal road kills. They should be back by late Sunday afternoon.

We have terrible heat up here Jeshu. I will say a prayer for your wife and daughter's safe return and may God comfort you in their absence.
 
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Jeshu

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We have terrible heat up here Jeshu. I will say a prayer for your wife and daughter's safe return and may God comfort you in their absence.

Yeah I know about the Perth heat, I lived there for near 12 years. The Easterly blowing gale at night and then the Sun would come on strong. 46 degrees Celsius is the hottest I've had it in Perth. (48 once here in Albany) I was working on the streets as a youth worker, it was that hot that my metal rimmed glasses burned my cheeks. Today is a nice 23 or so here, overcast, with a nice breeze. Albany generally doesn't get as hot as Perth. Monday and Tuesday 30 I heard, I just wait and see those speculators have it often wrong.

Thanks for saying a prayer on my families behave, I really appreciate that. They arrived safe by the way. Now still back again.

Be blessed my friend, be blessed.
 
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everything is bothering me tonight

Oh those terrible moods in the end we turn on ourselves, talk about being explosive, or isn't it that kind of bothering?
 
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